Glee - 404 - The Break-Up

Original air date: October 4, 2012

You remember that scene in Misery where Annie Wilkes is talking about watching this old show that ended on a cliffhanger that was so improbable that she just had to see the next episode but when she finally saw it she just got enraged because that's not how it happened? I've brought it up before and while the stakes weren't super high when we last left Glee, it certainly ended in a precariously awkward way. If you'll recall, Rachel was making out with Brody when Finn arrives and looks all hurt that Rachel had a guy over. Bet you were hoping for an interesting conclusion to that moment, huh? Well get ready to be a bit murderous like Annie Wilkes because NOPE.

 We open this episode with Jake and Marley. Oh joy, my favourite characters. If you couldn't tell, that was sarcasm. I don't hate them, I just find them mostly boring. Marley is trying to hide her food stamps because, if you remember, she's poor. Jake sees them though and admits that he uses them too so I guess they have something to relate about. He admits that his mom works extra shifts to pay for his dance lessons and like, I don't mean to be heartless here but why can't he work? I know, he shouldn't have to but if he really wants dance lessons, he could pay. I got a job when I was 17, I paid for my karate lessons myself. He's, I think 16 so he could if he really felt bad about his mom having to work extra shifts. Then again, I know that some jobs can be dicks about both school and extra curriculars so I get it. I was lucky that mine was good with me working just weekends and not evenings. I guess I'm just being a bit of a jerk here because I'm bored. Brittany and Blaine are watching them and think they are in love. I mean, they are but Jake is refusing to acknowledge it for reasons I can't fathom for the life of me. Anyway, these two are jealous because they miss the days when the people they loved were also around at school to talk to. Brittany thinks they're still young and asks if they shouldn't still be experiencing these things.

We cut to New York where Rachel sneaks out of her room to find Kurt in the kitchen. Kurt mentions that it's lunchtime and asks if she wants a Croque Madame. The correct answer is hell yes! But Rachel just says that they didn't get to bed until late but further clarifies that nothing happened and they just laid there. So like, what happened then? Sure would have been nice to see this whole thing play out from where we left off last episode. What are the logistics of Finn arriving to find Brody in with her? Did Rachel say they were just practicing a scene or something for class? Did Brody go with it and just leave nicely? Did Finn actually believe this? What went down?? I really want to know but the glee writers are so lazy that they gave us a really cool set up but decided it was too hard to write a conclusion and just skipped over it. These are professional writers. I hate that they're so successful. I hate that I was addicted to this show aided their success. I just hate this so much because you skipped over what could have been the most interesting part! Gah! Anyways, Rachel is about to get into it a bit more but Finn comes out. Kurt nopes out of this situation because it's super awkward to be the third wheel whether couples are in a fight or not but definitely worse when you suspect a fight is going down. Rachel offers to make Finn some eggs and he accepts the offer and offers her place a compliment. Rachel can't do pleasantries anymore so she just comes out and says she doesn't understand what's going on, why he's here, and why he's not in uniform. Finn admits that he is not in the army and oh my god, I might have killed him immediately. Finn plays up the sympathy card because he was only in the army for 16 days before he shot himself through the thigh while cleaning his rifle. My dude, you don't clean your gun if it's loaded. How did he get a semi-honourable discharge for that? I'd think you'd just be told you suck at handling a gun and you're probably going to be a danger to everyone else in the field, gtfo. But I don't know anything about the military or guns so maybe I'm the crazy one. So, where was he for the past four to five months if not in the army? Backpacking through Georgia. But he couldn't be bothered to call or check in or anything because he was embarrassed and scared of being a Lima loser. Rachel somehow isn't apoplectically pissed like I would be upon finding all of this out. Instead, she's supportive and encouraging. She says that he can shadow her at NYADA and if he loves it, they'll spend a bunch of time getting him in. She says this like it will be so easy but like, Kurt got rejected and he's way more talented than Finn and I don't think NYADA suits him either. Finn would be lost. If Cassie thinks Rachel sucks? My god she's going to have an aneurysm trying to teach Finn and not the funny kind. 

We cut back to Ohio where Santana is visiting Brittany. She is doing her laundry while complaining about the contrivance of Kurt so easily getting a job with Vogue.com. Brittany says that her mom gave her money to go to New York if she wanted, if she wants to do it so bad. Santana is fine with where she is though because she loves Cheerleading and being so close to Brittany. Brittany is yawning and admits she's tired because she stayed up late reading a Left Behind book. Santana is worried that the books are too intense for Brittany and asks who's making her read them. Brittany says that her Christian club is reading them. I know Sam is canonically religious but I feel like he's the religious type that should not be interested in the Left Behind books in a serious way, you know? You all know I stan for Sam and my bb would not. But this is Glee so characters do whatever the writers think is funny that week so here we are. 

Kurt calls Blaine to talk but he's immediately interrupted by ringing phones. He's working Isabelle's desk today and her phone won't stop ringing. Blaine asks if he can call back later but he has to be in a meeting or something. Blaine starts whining about missing him but Kurt says that this is important to him because it could be a career. I wish it was, Kurt. Kurt mentions that Blaine is coming to see him in two weeks and then promises to call or text when he's on break. Blaine says he's ok but he's an annoying little weasel so it's obviously not. Ok, I know, I'm being entirely uncharitable to Blaine because I hate him as a character. Long distance relationships are hard and it sucks when it seems like your significant other is off doing extravagant things while you're feeling stuck. I get that he could start feeling resentful, I do but honestly I just don't feel any sympathy for Blaine. Not just because I hate him but because he's the one that pushed Kurt to leave. It feels like he made himself a martyr here and I'm only going to be cemented in that belief later in the episode. Put a pin in this.

Finn is sitting in Rachel's class watching her be bright and full of life while he's miserable. He knows she's in her element and thriving and he also knows that there isn't a chance in hell that he'd make it into NYADA. He doesn't know what he'll do in New York though and he doesn't just want to be some schmuck doing odd jobs with no direction. He then starts singing a bland and boring song that I just couldn't sit through. It isn't helped that Blaine is singing too. Double the bland and boring. It's apparently Barely Breathing by a guy called Duncan Sheik. I'm sorry if you're a mega fan but I am Mariah Carey here.

I'm sorry Duncan Sheik

Now, during this montage of them singing there is a brief thing where Blaine pokes a guy named Eli C. on Facebook. I didn't see it. I wasn't paying attention and I'm blind so thanks again to my friend, Lucas, for filling me in on what happened. We then cut to Rachel and Kurt's apartment later and Finn is refusing to wear a suit to go out. They both tell him that he can't wear dad jeans and a rugby shirt to Callbacks. Finn doesn't know what that is and we're informed that it's a karaoke bar that NYADA kids hang out at. Finn is annoyed that he has to dress up to go to a karaoke bar and like...Rachel can you dump him now please? I'm sorry but while I understand not being comfortable in a suit, you can dress a bit nicer than jeans and a rugby shirt to go out with your girlfriend in New York and if you can't, you're lazy. Finn doesn't deserve Rachel. I said what I said. Finn's whining is interrupted when Blaine arrives. Kurt is shocked because he wasn't actually supposed to come now but in another couple of weeks. Blaine says he just couldn't wait because he missed him so much. Trouble is a-brewing. 

They're now at the karaoke bar and Kurt asks if Blaine is ok because he seems restless. Blaine waves this off by saying that he's tired from the flight because he had a middle seat since he booked it so last minute. Kurt is happy that Blaine did book it because he missed him. Rachel and Finn are at the bar getting drinks but this is America so they're getting coke (Finn) and a virgin amaretto sour (Rachel) because 18 year olds who can enlist in the army and shoot guns are not yet responsible enough to drink, apparently. Lame. I mean, I don't drink much but I always find it funny that while most American media portrays wild college parties and drinking, they can't actually legally drink. You know they're doing it, why is it illegal? It almost makes the culture around drinking worse because it's forbidden fruit. Points to Glee for embracing the not being able to drink yet thing though. Virgin amaretto sour, lol! Brody comes up and it seems like all is good between him and Finn so now I'm more curious about what went down after the fade to black last episode. Brody seems really cool and welcoming to Finn and encourages him to sing with them even though he's not a student. Finn refuses though and Rachel says she really wants to sing Give Your Heart a Break by Demi Lovato with him but he won't. Finn encourages her to sing it with Brody and they're both awkward but agree. Finn has no business being upset with Rachel. He brought all of this on himself. I am unbothered by his sadness. Also, Rachel and Brody rock this song. Everyone, including Finn can see they have mega chemistry together but again, he brought this on himself and has no business being upset. Ok, he can feel upset but only with himself. He really can't blame Rachel for this. 

Look how good!

Rachel is super excited and encourages Kurt to sing. He doesn't want to risk embarrassing himself since he hasn't warmed up but Blaine really wants to so Brody points him to the piano player. Oh man, this scene is so uncomfortable. So, Blaine is supposed to be very emotional and he's singing an acoustic version of Katy Perry's Teenage Dream because it's the first song he sang when he met Kurt, the supposed love of his life. The whole performance is entirely uncomfortable and everyone kind of looks awkward and uncomfortable and from the way he goes from slow to manic to slow to all over the place, I thought he was tanking. Nope, apparently his performance was supposed to be "moving" and "emotional" and I just have to say no to that. I was uncomfortable and embarrassed for him. But he sang it live, you say? Cool story, still sucked. I have seen people sing live with real raw emotion but also have amazing control over their voice. It is moving and powerful and Darren did not achieve that with this performance. It sounded rushed and tonally all over the place. Everyone in the club is a paid actor and loves his performance but really, it was not good. 

Now here is where all the mega dramz happens. We are leaving the club. Finn and Rachel are walking together and talking. Finn mentions how she and her friend sounded great and Rachel is STILL trying here and tells him she wished he had gotten up to sing with her. She's still trying to make this work. She is not the problem, it's Finn and his insecurities. I do think that's what they're going for at least because Finn tells her that she's meant for this but he just doesn't fit in and it moves too fast for him. We then get a very artsy pan over and pull focus to Kurt and Blaine who are walking a little bit behind them. Kurt thinks that Blaine's performance was moving and umm...sure, Jan. He is, for some reason, suspicious and asks why that was. Blaine tries to say that he just missed him so much and Kurt says he did too but wants to know what's wrong since he seems so sad. Blaine then blurts out that he was with someone. Ok, so you know how Lucas had to tell me that the Facebook thing happened because I didn't see it? This came out of nowhere for me. I was equally confused the first time I watched it because I tend to tune out when Blaine sings (I will not apologize for not caring when he sings) but even if I had paid attention, I don't think I would have picked up what was on his phone screen because my vision is terrible. Cellphones are a blight on the visual medium because now there's constantly stupid scenes where I'm expected to read a tiny screen within a screen to know what's happening in a show because some losers complained that it's not realistic for people to read their texts aloud and so now shows just expect you to see it all in the two seconds they have it up on screen. Fuck all y'all and your dumb phones in movies and tv. Not my phone irl though because I do love my phone. I just hate them within shows. 

We cut back over to Rachel and Finn's convo. Finn wants to know if she and Brody are just friends. Rachel tries to confirm but he tells her not to lie. Rachel word vomits about how he just kind of ditched her and she couldn't get in contact with him and he told her to be free. To his credit, Finn is mad at himself for telling her that and calls himself stupid. So, I hope he stays mad at just himself because he created this whole mess. Back with Kurt and Blaine, Kurt wants to know if he cheated with Sebastian, remember him? No, it wasn't Sebastian but some nobody named Eli C. with a lighthouse as his profile pic. I laughed so hard when Lucas gave me the screenshot for it. Who is Eli C? Dunno but Glee learned their lesson with Rachel's dads and decided not to show us in case they ever did want to use him in the show so Lighthouse Boy it is. Now Blaine...Blaine I want to punch in the fucking face. Remember that pin? Do you remember it? Because we're gonna pluck it out right now and address it. Ok, Blaine is mad at Kurt because he wants to know who he cheated with which is fucking fair and Blaine tells him it doesn't matter and has the absolute gall to be mad at Kurt. He tells Kurt that he was alone and lonely and he needed him and he wasn't there. He blames Kurt for his cheating. This absolute bullshit brought to you from the boy who went off the handle because Kurt was texting someone, has now physically cheated with someone else and is blaming Kurt for not being there when he is the one who told Kurt to go. Wow. 

Fuck this asshole.

Kurt spells out that he is also alone and lonely but he managed not to cheat because hello, they are in a relationship. Blaine tries to apologize but too little too late and then we jump right into Finn singing Don't Speak by No Doubt. It's a bit jarring but I'll allow it because I really like this song and it transitions between all four of our characters here as they lament their respective fights with their partners. Very nice song choice, very effective and they all do a good job of it. Yes, even Blaine but Rachel is the star of the song, let's be real. I also really like how creative the camera work is in this song, I feel like they're way more creative with the New York stuff. How I very much wish we had gotten the New York spinoff as planned. Screw you, Ryan Murphy.

We cut to next morning, very early and Finn is sneaking out like the big baby he is. Kurt catches him and says he can't run away but then he just lets him and agrees not to tell Rachel anything so fuck him too, I guess. Finn asks how he and Blaine are and Kurt just wants to die. So things aren't great for anyone but screw Finn for bailing. He says he needs time to think but like, you had four months, my guy. Four months where you let Rachel stew without a word. Screw you.

We cut back to Ohio where Kitty approaches Marley for some reason and invites her to something called a Left Behind club. Look, don't tell me to understand why the Glee writers thought it would be funny to reference this book series and Kirk Cameron movie series in this day and age but here we are and it's definitely going to be painful. It works for Kitty to be into this because she's the Quinn that Ryan wanted Dianna to be and didn't get but I don't understand why Jake would be into this. He doesn't strike me as religious and certainly not evangelical religious. I'm confused why any of the glee kids are buying into this shit. 

Case in point, we cut to Breadstix where a bunch of kids are listening to Kitty snarkily proselytize about the rapture. One girl, Dottie, is on the fence and Kitty sends her into the bathroom where she has somehow convinced everyone else to do a fake rapture? Like...that takes some planning and Jake is going along with this and I can tell Jacob is having a hard time selling his character as doing this while also not really being into it because yeah. Why? Why is any of them doing this? Santana is also not impressed. Dottie comes out and freaks out and Kitty springs out and laughs while saying this is what being left behind feels like. Marley wants to dip and I can't blame her. Jake doesn't want her to go but, Marley doesn't like Kitty and doesn't understand why he does either. Legit. I mean, I like Kitty because she's funny...usually but I don't get why Jake is into her. Santana wants to go too but Brittany wants to stay because she knows what it feels like to be left behind and essentially blames Santana for leaving her behind. Again, what was Santana supposed to do? Not go to college just because Brittany is a moron? I'm sorry if that's mean but canonically, Brittany is supposed to be a moron and was shown to hand in crayon art as homework in high school. Neither Blaine or Brittany is being fair to their SOs this episode. 

Seriously though, how did Kitty convince everyone to do this?

Finn has, of course, run off to see Mr. Schue. Will is happy to see Finn and asks if he's spoken to Rachel because she's been worried sick about him. But this show cares not for the valid feelings of a woman when there's man pain to be explored! Finn wants to talk and then breaks down crying in Will's arms. 

We cut to a bit later and Finn is sitting alone in the choir room. Blaine walks in and awkwards about how he was going to say goodbye but Finn was already gone. Finn is immediately like, why did you do that to him? Blaine doesn't know but says there's no excuse and that Kurt won't talk to him so he doesn't even know if they're broken up. I'm gonna safely bet that you're done. Bye! Sam comes in and interrupts them because he's cheerful about seeing Finn again. Everyone else is super excited that Finn is back and I kind of like the little detail that both Marley and Jake are like who? Will comes in and says that he's family and everyone here is welcome whenever they need to be there. He then calls the club to order and says that they need to pick a fall musical. Fall? and they're just picking it? Damn. They love doing things by the seat of their pants, huh? Anyway, everyone is excited and looking through the suggestion sheets. Finn suggests Grease because everyone likes it and it's timeless. Everyone is excited and on board with this idea. Finn looks proud to have helped. 

Next we find Will pushing an envelope excitedly towards Emma. She reads it and is super pumped because Will has been selected for the panel. He asks her if she wants to go to Washington with him and she's still excited and wants to go for a long weekend but that's not good enough for Will, he wants her to come with him for the several months he'll be there. Emma is like no, that sounds awful and he tries to guilt her by saying that her job will be waiting for her because she has tenure. Emma is like yeah but I don't want to go on a sabbatical because I like my job and I don't want to sit around in a hotel room all day just to keep you company for a couple of hours in the evening. Will thinks he's being reasonable but let me tell you, he's not. Emma has been nothing but supportive of him since he dumped this dream on her and now he just expects her to leave her job and what she loves doing to be a trophy that waits around for him to be doing his big dreams. He's an asshole and Emma is right to storm out. 

Kurt is sitting glumly in his little closet office as the phones ring. He's staring at a giant bouquet that Blaine has sent him with an apology note. Get bent, Blaine. One of Kurt's coworkers asks if someone is crushing on him or trying to make up for something. Kurt says the latter and the guy is sympathetic. He offers to cover for Kurt if he wants to binge shop to cheer himself up but Kurt says he's ok and that he'll be ok. He drops Blaine's stupid apology note in the trash, where it belongs. 

Brittany meets Santana in the choir room and Santana tells her that she misses the room because it's where she fell in love with Britt. She says that singing about her feelings always helped her so she sings Mine by Taylor Swift. Santana admits that she hasn't been the best girlfriend which I think is a bit unfair, she shouldn't have to put her life on hold because Brittany failed and has to redo high school. But Santana admits to having had an attraction and feels guilty and says that it's not an official break up but they should take a break so they can be free to explore and have fun while they're apart. Brittany is sad but Santana assures her that she will always love her most and Brittany says she loves her too. They embrace and another couple bites the dust.

This was the nicest break up this episode.

Jake approaches Marley and apologizes for the Left Behind club. Marley doesn't get it though because he doesn't seem interested in anything about Kitty so why is he with her? He says that she doesn't know what it's like to really be on the outside and says that the black kids think he's too white while the white kid's think he's too black and that when he's with Kitty no one makes fun of him. It would have been nice to see this characterization before, you know people actually making fun of him? Instead they told us Jake was Puckerman but meaner and had him knock over a microphone stand in anger, flirt with and get all the girls, take Marley out and then surprise date Kitty. What is he, Glee? Is he a stud or a loser? You gotta pick one. Kitty comes up just then and starts mocking Marley and her mom out of nowhere so Jake just dumps him. Oh. Problem solved? Were we supposed to care? We didn't even know they were dating until the end of last episode and now they're done at the end of this one. My head is spinning with how quickly these relationships form and dissolve. Kitty storms off and tells them that Obama is gonna lose (He didn't) and then shoves kids into the lockers Sue-style. Marley thanks Jake for doing that but he says he had to. That was easy. Just when Marley thinks that he broke up with Kitty for her and invites Jake to go over sheet music with her, Jake dips. I don't really understand what just happened here but he walks off leaving Marley alone and sad. 

Finn is looking through sheet music in the auditorium when Rachel shows up. She reminds him it's where he proposed and where they had their first date and where they first met. They didn't have the auditorium when they first met though. Their first glee rehearsal was in the choir room. April bought them the auditorium. Yes, I'm a nerd and I will not apologize. She says she looked all around for him but she should have known he would just be here and let me tell you, the way she's playing this, I thought she was desperately going to try to get him back but then, something magical happens. He starts saying how much singing helps him think and she just cuts him off saying that she might have known he was here if he'd have just texted or called but instead she had to get on a plane and drive around town looking for him like an idiot. Finn says he just needed time to think and she shoots back that he had four months and folks, I literally cheered. Rachel seriously needed to grow a backbone where Finn is concerned and it's finally happening. She tells him that she hated him for what he did to her at the train station, hated him. She says that when she got to New York she told herself that he must have really loved her to do that for her and that this was how a man loved and I get a bit nervous. She then says that he didn't contact her for four months and then he sneaks out in the middle of the night and that is not how a man behaves. Finn is affronted that he's been told he's not a man because Will taught him how to be a man and he's ascribed that label to himself, thank you very much. He yells that he was giving her freedom but Rachel shoots back that he doesn't need to give her freedom, she can give it to herself because she's a grown woman. She tells him that she's always going to be that moon-eyed girl that freaked him out at glee rehearsal and that he was the first boy who made her feel loved and sexy and visible. Their first date was a sham because he was manipulating her but ok. She says Finn was her first love and she really wants him to be her last but she can't do this anymore so they're done. This felt so good. Finn whines about how he's got nothing now and I just say, guess you should have thought of that before ambushing her at the train station and then ghosting her for four months you absolute cockstain. You deserved worse than this as a break up but Rachel is nicer than me or a doormat and tells him that he has himself and he's awesome and she gives him a final kiss. He didn't deserve the final kiss or the nice words but whatever it was still so satisfying to finally see her call him out on his shit for once. 

I was living for Rachel yelling at Finn though.
More of this please

Finn starts singing The Scientist by Coldplay and is soon joined by all of our couples who have broken up. Except Kitty and Jake because who the fuck cared about that couple? We get flashbacks to each couples first romantic scenes together. Finn and Rachel on their fake date where he was manipulating her, Blaine pulling Kurt down the Dalton hallways, Britt and Santana cuddling in glee club, Will and Emma's epic kiss at the end of the first 13 episodes (forget that he immediately fucked it up after that and made out with Shelby) and then we end the song with Finn standing alone, as he should be. End of episode.

So, this episode was still solid. I'm remembering why I kept on with it. They always seemed to pull themselves together at the beginning to rope you into thinking that maybe, just maybe, THIS time they'd do a good job. Then I was always Charlie Brown falling on my ass as Lucy!Glee pulls the football away. I never learned and I kept coming back for more but you can see how this could be a fun and honestly pretty well done show, right? There's something here and every once in a while some creativity shines through. The Don't Speak sequence was so good, the New York stuff is interesting and fun. I really, really wish that they'd kept the ideas separate especially since the Left Behind stuff really undercuts how good the other break up plots were. Now, things are about to go off the rails again but in a different way and I'm going to have to get into some more uncomfortable stuff next episode so be forewarned. Next up is The Role You Were Born to Play.