Original air date: September 20, 2012
This episode surprised me because while I don't have the nostalgia for most of these songs that I did with the first Britney episode, the actual content of the episode is way better. That being said, this one had a lot of issues and the main one is its treatment of Britney. I don't know what happened between season 2 and this episode but the first Britney-centric episode seemed to have a reverence and respect for Britney that feels very absent in this one. It's very much what you'd have expected the first episode to be like, feeding into the awful narrative around her and painting her as a crazy and unstable artist. Britney definitely has some mental health issues but she doesn't deserve to be paraded around and mocked for them. This episode feels tasteless in this regard. The character stuff though was pretty fun. Lets check it out.
We open the episode with Brittany narrating at us about how her senior year was super awesome and now she gets to relive every awesome second of it. She's now head Cheerio, she is vice-Rachel of the Glee club, she's planning on installing herself as class president for life and while she misses Santana, all she has to say is, it's Brittany bitch! Which launches us into the first song of the episode, Hold it Against Me by Britney Spears. She rocks it but her party is stopped when Figgins asks to see her in his office. Crap, I hope his hands aren't tied. They aren't but there is still bad news and it's that Brittany is failing miserably. Sue kicks her off the Cheerios and gives the top spot to Kitty. Brittany is sad and tries to cheer herself up by skyping with Santana but while she's sympathetic, she doens't have time to scissor-skype with Brittany because she has cheer practice. Oops, things are looking bad for Brit and on top of all of this, Brittany's cat, Lord Tubbington, has joined a gang.
In New York, Rachel is in dance class where the topic du jour is the tango. Cassandra asks everyone to pair up but no one wants to pair with Rachel. They're also short a boy so Cassandra tells Rachel to sit this one out. Rachel is not happy because she wants to learn to tango in case she ever gets to play Evita but Cassie strikes her down saying that she lacks the sex appeal to pull off the dance. Ouch.
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| Poor Rachel, college is looking a lot like high school |
We next find Brittany entering Emma's office in a shirt that says World's Best Grandma. She can't wear a high pony or her Cheerios outfit anymore so she's wearing clothes she found at the lost and found and her hair is down. Will and Emma are worried about her and Brit is just worried she's getting kicked out of glee club too. Emma is worried that she's not processing being held back and may be a bit depressed. Brittany says she's fine because she's been taking Lord Tubbington's depression pills. Will thinks that Brittany and Emma should meet daily to help her work through some stuff. Brittany says she's fine and narrates herself in the not tv way but the crazy person way that the other characters can hear, out of the office. Will and Emma are worried and Emma thinks they need to bring Brittany back. Will takes this to mean Britney and heads off to the glee club.
Will announces to everyone that Figgins wants them to perform for the back to school pep rally and he wants them to do Britney songs because it worked out so well in Season 2. He wants them to lift up Brittany's spirits and help her find the confidence she found when she suggested Britney songs way back when. He then asks Blaine and Artie to show them what he's looking for. They do so by performing a not Britney song? I think it's a Justin Bieber song Boyfriend mashed with Britney's, Boys but it still seems weird that this puts Brittany in the Britney mood. It feels more like Justin Bieber.
In New York, Kurt and Rachel have found a huge apartment together but it's because it's not in Manhattan. They decide that they're going to take it as they ride bikes around the big empty space. It looks like a one room type of thing. We cut to them getting pizza and Rachel gushes that New York Dominos is better than Lima Dominos and just lol. The fact that they're in New York and get Dominos is hilarious to me because they could get better pizza like anywhere else. Rachel asks him if he's talked to Finn but Kurt hasn't and says he's giving her space. Rachel, honey, pretty sure you guys are broken up. Kurt then says that Blaine told him they were doing Britney again in glee club and they reminisce about the choir room. Kurt then lays out his plans for New York. He's going to reapply at NYADA in December but until then, he's going to work at Vogue? Honestly, I kind of wish they'd pushed him into that fashion thing more but going right from high school to Vogue seems like a bit of a leap. Kurt is happy he didn't get in on his first try because it's given him some focus. Rachel wishes she had some of that and then complains about her dance teacher. Kurt is floored that her dance teacher is Cassandra July because he's totally heard all about her. She was the it girl on Broadway 10 years ago but went super hostile during a performance when an audience member's phone went off. She refused to go on until the audience member left, then she gets off the stage and bats the guy's phone across the theatre. That's a bit of an overreaction. Kurt urges Rachel not to stop fighting and says if Cassie wants sexy, she should give her sexy.
Marley walks past Jake who is chatting up Tina. They barely exchange a look as she passes and then Marley is immediately confronted by Unique. She says they are the new girls in school so they should stick together and that the first order of bestie business is spilling about boys they like. Marley says she's interested in Jake which...have they talked or interacted at all? Why would she be interested in him? I guess she walked past him when the glee list was posted but that's about it. Anyway, Unique is totally against this idea because Jake is a player. Marley is kind of a dunce here because she can see that he's literally chatting up a girl right behind her and she's like "he's an artist!" uh huh. Sure. Unique then launches into Britney's Womanizer and we get a montage of Jake flirting with a ton of girls. It ends with Marley and the girls tugging him towards her and then he asks her out and she just agrees.
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| Unique is all of us |
We cut to New York where Brody is doing sit ups on a park bench. Rachel comes up and he jokingly says he just finished 200,000 reps. Rachel laughs and then asks him for a favour. She says that Cassie didn't think she was sexy and Brody tells her she's super sexy. Rachel is me in that instance and says she isn't because we both need to work on our self-esteem. Rachel also explains that she needs a dance partner for tango because there aren't enough boys in her class. Brody says that Cassie doesn't allow upperclassmen to perform in her class and Rachel looks sad but is understanding. To Brody's credit, he sees that she's sad and quickly says that he'd actually love to piss off Cassie. Is it wrong that I'm liking Brody more and more for Rachel? I mean, I know where this ends and it's not going to be good but right now? He's leaps and bounds ahead of Finn.
We fade back into Ohio where Sam, Tina, and Joe are singing 3 by Britney Spears and it's a pretty cool cover but I'm so distracted because the big thing about Joe's character is that he's super Christian. Yet, here he is singing a song about a threesome. There was so much speculation about how Tina and Sam got him to sing this song with him and what crazy storyline Glee was going to do to justify this and lol, they're just singing it. No story, no buildup. Just cut to them performing and no mention about why they chose this song. My headcanon is that Joe is so naive and dumb that he thought the song was really about how much fun counting is. Either that or he thought it was a tribute to Peter, Paul, and Mary, the Puff the Magic Dragon singers. Both Tina and Sam sound great on this. Actually, Joe does too. It's a good cover. Brittany doesn't look too thrilled and she goes off to the corner where she pulls out a clipper and tries to shave her hair off. Will stops her and she says that if she can't have her high pony, she doesn't want hair at all. And here is where we enter the mean stage of the episode where they have Brittany having a break down in a mocking parody of Britney's own breakdown. I hate it.
Jacob Ben Israel is here to torture me but luckily we don't have to see him naked or see his naked butt sweat stain. We are spared. Sorry for reminding you about it though. He harasses her about having a breakdown and here we mirror Britney's own run in with the paparazzi and you know what? I'm 100% on both Brit's side where annoying assholes shoving cameras into your face when you ask them to stop are concerned. The real life paparazzi and Jacob Ben Israel, deserve to get hit. I don't appreciate the show making a mockery of Brit's pain though. Tina agrees with me that JBI deserves the umbrella smack down. Blaine says that singing at her hasn't been helping her depression. Gee, ya think? Artie suggests giving Brittany the spotlight that she's been missing and we get a reference to Chris Crocker's infamous "Leave Britney alone!" moment. She was also mocked relentlessly but she was right all along about Brit.
We cut to Jake riding his scooter through the school hallways because when I think of badasses, I definitely think of scooters. Sorry, I actually like scooters, they're fun but it's just funny to me that they're trying to make him this badass Puck 2.0 and they have him riding around on a scooter. Will stops him and says that he's not allowed to scoot in the halls and I'm sorry, I just laughed again. I never said I was mature. Will then mentions that he's skipping all his classes and Jake points out that he's not Will's student or in glee so it shouldn't be his problem. Will apologizes for being such a douche so as to make Jake think he didn't get in and then also not let him in glee club and says that Puck was worse than him but at least he had a community and friends. Jake is a real badass though and he doesn't need friends. Oooh, scary. Am I being too hard on Jake? I think I'm past the age where this type of character would appeal to me, he just comes across as try-hard.
Jake walks up the bleachers and finds Marley who tells him that she almost didn't come because the other girls warned her not to. Jake asks if she believes what they say and she says she thinks he's just hurt and that his whole badass thing is a wall he's put up to protect himself. She then babbles about how she was picked on at her last school but here she feels like she can just be herself. Jake then asks her what Will even has them singing in his stupid club. Marley says Britney Spears and Jake is a pretentious male teenager who doesn't like music without instruments. He likes REAL music. Marley says he hasn't heard her version so he asks what she's singing and she says U Drive Me Crazy. He knows this so I guess Jake isn't too good for Britney after all because he starts playing it and they start singing it mashed up with Crazy by Aerosmith. It doesn't really work for me. U Drive Me Crazy is so much more fun as a fast and poppy song and it just doesn't jive well with Aerosmith's Crazy. I'm not digging this. Marley mentions being cold and Jake gives her his jacket which is a smooth move. Marley is clearly smitten.
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| I'll admit they're kind of cute together for how undercooked this whole thing is |
The glee kids are confronting Brittany about how worried they are about her. They offer her the chance to sing lead at the assembly. Brittany agrees but says she has to lip-sync since her voice is too weak from yelling at her shrubs. She says that they'll record the song, she'll choreograph an excellent routine so Will will never know the difference. The kids aren't sure about this but they go along with it.
Rachel and Brody show up at Cassie's class who is not thrilled to see them. Rachel says that she's prepared something to prove that she can pull off sexy. Cassie tells them to show her and we get treated to a really cool cover of Oops I Did It Again while Rachel dances around sexily. Honestly, I think she pulls it off well despite the fact that Lea isn't the strongest dancer. Cassie is not impressed though and says that only Brody was good and Rachel was just ok. She also bashes the song choice. Rachel calls her out for just being jealous of her and everyone else in the class because they all have their futures ahead of them but hers was over before it began and is just a YouTube joke. Cassie kicks her out of her class because she's done. Honestly, fair but Cassie is not a great teacher, imho.
In the cafeteria, two jocks start openly mocking Marley's mom to her face. She tries to ignore it but they keep going and Marley steps in to defend her mom. Teens can be assholes but this does feel a bit extreme. It gets so bad that even Jake steps in to tell the jocks off but they will not stop so Jake slaps their food trays out of their hands and a brawl breaks out. Will comes in and stops the fight, pulling Jake to his office. Will, Jake was not the problem there. Sure, he escalated but I'd be punishing the assholes who were making the lunch lady's work day a living hell. Jake is even protesting this fact but Will isn't taking him to see Figgins. Puck steps out and says that he's the one that he's going to see. Will steps out to let the half brothers talk. Jake doesn't want any help from Puck because he's fine and Puck tells him that he's the original badass. Of course, the way he proves this is by saying that he had his first threesome at 7 which is all kinds of gross that I don't even want to touch. Puck says that none of the badass stuff he pulled made him a man, it was sitting in the choir room singing shitty songs with a bunch of losers that made him a man and if Jake joins, he'll become one too. This show loves to talk about teaching you how to be a man and it's such a weird thing to be obsessed with. At this point, it feels like the show is Oprah. "You taught me how to be a man, and you taught me how to be a man, and YOU taught me how to be a man! Everyone's a MAN!!" Puck leaves to go back to LA but tells Jake that whether or not he joins glee, he's his brother.
We are now taken to the pep rally where Figgins assures the students that the rumour that he likes to be milked like a cow because his breasts are full of milk is untrue. He then introduces New Directions. Brittany is barely excited to go on and is stuffing her face with Cheetos. They go on and Brittany is lip syncing but still drinking out of a 2 liter bottle of pop and stuffing her face with even more Cheetos. Finally Kitty shouts that they're lip syncing and a boy in the audience shouts J'accuse! which amuses me. Blaine quickly closes the stage curtain as Brittany collapses in a pile of puffed orange snacks. It's a shit show so the glee club's stock is plummeting ever lower.
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| I don't know why I love this second long clip but I do |
Will is pissed and calls the whole thing a debacle. He shouts that they never lip sync. He equates it to blood doping in professional sports which is honestly fair. I mean, how can they claim to be a singing group if they don't sing? Blaine apologizes and says they were just trying to help Brittany but Will is unmoved because their reputation has been wiped out and if the professional glee board hears about it they could be barred from competing. Woof. Brittany says that if she met herself she would say she was a nice girl and also says she's quitting glee. Sam looks at her sadly as she leaves and I know our Sam is going to pull through with a good pep talk.
Back in New York, Cassie is practicing in the dance room when Rachel walks in. She tries to apologize but Cassie isn't hearing it. She says that Rachel had an outburst after getting constructive criticism in dance class and asks how she's going to make it on Broadway where they're even more antagonistic. Rachel looks chastened and tries to apologize again but Cassie asks what if someone had filmed her outburst? Cassie answers for her that she'd never be cast and says you get one shot, if you screw it up, you're done. See, she picks on her students so they will be ready for Broadway. I don't know that I buy this, I always side eye the people who say they're just "telling it like it is" or "being honest" to make you better when it comes out as insulting because it seems to me, they just like bullying people but rationalize it in their head as being helpful so they don't have to feel like a shit person. I don't know. Cassie says she'd kick Rachel out of her class for good but the school says she gets a warning so she's back in. However, she does make Rachel do clean up duties while on probation and dismisses her. Rachel takes the basket of dirty whatevers and leaves the room.
Brittany is following a map to the auditorium where she finds Sam waiting for her. He gave her the note and drew her the map and while I do kind of side eye the show making him as dumb as Brittany sometimes, I love that he's the one that has reached out to her. He figured out what she's up to, she's intentionally hitting rock bottom just like Britney did so that she can make a huge come back the way she did as well. Brittany says that's exactly what she's doing and is only sad that she made everyone else mad at her. Sam says to consider this the last stop on her road to redemption as this is her intervention. She's happy that he figured out her plan and says they think the same because they're both blonde. Sam notices that she's still a bit sad and asks her what's up because he's our resident sweetheart. She admits that Santana also got her and how much she misses her. Sam says that she has a new friend with her at school and it's him. He then says she just has to figure out how to get back on the Cheerios.
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| These two are cute |
Brittany goes into Sue's office and demands her place on the Cheerios and her high pony be restored. She says that her term as class president ends when she graduates, and since she didn't graduate she's still president so she wrote up an executive order demanding her spot back. Sue is impressed with her logic but says she has to get her grades up to be on the team. Brit explains that Will and Emma are tutoring her once a week and she managed to get a C on her American history test, mainly because she wrote it in English instead of her made up language. Sue welcomes her back to the team.
Rachel has painted her part of the apartment, writing Finn's name on the wall. Kurt says that Finn is giving her space because he loves her and I'd like to tell both of them that this isn't love, it's a break up. Finn can give her space while still being in contact. He can't really expect to go full radio silence for months and have Rachel just wait for him. I mean, he can and he will expect this but it's crap. It's not fair to do that to someone you supposedly love. Kurt offers to go get cake to cheer her up. As Kurt opens the door, Brody is standing there with flowers. Kurt excitedly leaves them alone and like...are you wanting her to wait for Finn or move on, Kurt? He's sending some mixed messages here but I'm on team she should move the fuck on. Brody has brought her an orchid and travelled 45 minutes to see her. He's already a million steps above Finn. I mean the bar is low but Brody has left it in the dust. He tells her that she's super sexy and that he really liked dancing with her and then he leans in to kiss her. She stops him and he guesses that she's still in love with her boyfriend. He says he will respect her boundaries but that whenever they are together, he will be thinking of kissing her. So...kind of not respecting her boundaries then. Hmm, I still like Brody better than Finn. Look, even deducting these nice guy points, he's still above Finn. Like I said before, Finn set the bar so, so low.
Jake approaches Marley and asks if he can sit next to her in glee club. So wait, what happened to auditioning? He can just join now? I know, Will wanted him to, it just seems weird the way this has all been set up. Marley thinks she had an effect on him but Jake says it wasn't her but back pedals and says she helped when he sees her pout. Her facial expressions are so distracting though, she is constantly contorting her face and I'm not sure she was ready to be so prominent in a show right now. Anyway, she mentions that she's still wearing Jake's jacket and he says it looks better on her but then Kitty suddenly cuts in and says it would look better on her because they're dating. Um, hi, hello? When did this happen? Have these two characters even interacted? They've had less screentime than Jake and Marley have and now they're dating? Oh Glee, you just never understand how to build a fictional relationship. I mean, I know they wanted to go for the shock but like...why did Jake ask her out then? Also I love that she's all shocked Pikachu over this when it was spelled out to her and she saw him flirting with tons of other girls earlier in this very episode. I know we're supposed to feel bad for Marley here but how is Kitty supposed to feel about her supposed boyfriend giving his jacket away to other girls? What the heck is this situation?
We cut to Jake finally entering the Glee choir room. I think he's supposed to be weirded out by how weird everyone is but I just think he's a bit of a snob. Marley is all nervous but she asks to sing one last Britney song. She sings Everytime and we get a montage of her looking sad as she watches Jake and Kitty hang out. We also get Rachel finally being accepted by the other dancers in her class and getting to tango while Brody watches sadly. We get Brittany looking sadly at her computer as Santana Lopez remains unavailable on Skype. Then we get Rachel painting over her Finn heart and all I can think is you're ruining that beautiful brick by painting it white you clod!! I'm sorry, I just hate it when people paint brick and wood white. It makes me sad because it robs places of character. The point is supposed to be that maybe she's getting ready to move on to Brody because we close out the episode looking at Rachel painting over her mural behind her beautiful new orchids from Brody.
I don't hate this episode. I feel like the first Britney episode was way more chaotic and uneven. This one felt much more grounded even with some of the more outlandish stuff. I am still way more interested in New York than I am with Lima but it was nice seeing Brittany get to shine a bit. The stuff with Marley and Jake feels way too rushed. They are brand new characters and suddenly they're into each other but actually he's dating Kitty? It feels like too much lumped in when they really should have had some better character building scenes for them first. I'm not too mad about this season yet, I can't remember when the batshit stuff starts but I know it's going to be batshit and it's going to be infuriating. Join me next time when I recap Makeover.
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