Dawson's Creek - Finale - ...Must Come to an End

 Original air date: May 14, 2003

We are back with our gang after finding out the most gut-wrenching news we could find out. We are losing Jen to a weak heart. Heart disease is a son of a bitch and can creep up on people so I don't think I'm as wtf? about this as I was back in the day. I am still mad about the fact that they gave this ending to Jen, it feels very much like punishing the "bad girl" especially after the nunnery line last episode and having her drunkenly confess to getting knocked up by her boyfriend and left alone. It's like..."of course the slut gets knocked up and of course with a guy that wouldn't stick by her because she's a slut and not pure as snow like Joey" and to top that Madonna/Whore sundae off with the shit cherry of yeah, she's gonna die too because she shouldn't have lived so hard when SHE WAS A LITERAL CHILD TRAUMATISED BY AN UNCARING MOTHER AND A FATHER WHO FUCKED HER YOUNG BABYSITTER!!!! I'm sorry, the rage just always comes to surface when I think about the implications of this storyline. It's like, you're watching it and Michelle Williams is phenomenal so you cry because it's all very sad and quite moving but it's all the background ick that comes at you afterwards that I'm mad about. #Justice4Jen. 

Now that I got that rant off my chest, I guess I need to finish off this series once and for all. The very last episode ever of Dawson's Creek. The gang are all at the hospital, waiting for news. Jack comes out and lays down the law about what Jen wants. The biggest thing is no crying. Joey says she can't promise that. Jack says she can leave then because Jen wants there to be no tears. Grams tells them it's what Jen wants and that they should just do the best they can. Jack asks who wants to go in first and no one jumps at the opportunity. Pacey finally offers to go in first and quips that they're sending in the clown. 

Pacey walks into the room and we see Jen is hooked up to all kinds of machines. She tells him to wipe the fake smile from his face and to say something. It looks tense but Pacey says that she's dying but other than that, everything seems ok. This makes Jen laugh and he hands her some flowers and sits next to her.

The rest of the gang are waiting anxiously in the waiting room. Joey is still trying to wrestle with the idea that Jen is dying. She asks if she can get a heart transplant but Grams says she'd never make the list and her lungs are failing. Doug shows up with flowers. He gives them to Jack and asks him to tell Jen that he stopped by. Jack says he will. Finally, Pacey comes out and tells everyone that Jen is ready to see them. Joey looks like she's about to throw up as she and Dawson follow Pacey to Jen's room. Pacey goes to sit next to Jen while Dawson and Joey stand by the door and ask how she's doing. Pacey asks them what's wrong with Jen chiming in too asking if someone is dying. Neither Joey or Dawson think it's funny and are horrified that Jen and Pacey are acting so casually. Jen tells them that it is funny and it has to be because otherwise, she's going to get angry and bitter and she doesn't want to. Oof, this is rough, you guys. I hate this story with a passion but I can't say that everyone isn't giving their all for this to make me feel all the feelings. 

I can't say that I wouldn't be just as off-put and
confused as Joey about this though

Joey arrives back at the Potter B&B to Bess who asks her how Jen is. Joey thinks that Jen is more brave than she'll ever know. Bess is on her way to the hospital too and asks if Joey can watch Alexander. Joey's phone rings and she hangs it up without answering. Bess calls her out for avoiding Christopher because she wants to break up. Joey isn't sure she does though but Bess says she's still in love with her ex-boyfriends. Joey protests but Bessie says that she'll hold her hand while she does it. Joey says she hates Bess but dials the number. Bess just says you're welcome because she's a great sister and criminally underused on this show. 

You want to know who Joey goes to see right after breaking up with her boyfriend? Of course, it's Pacey. She's wandered over to the Ice House just as Pacey was locking up but he opens it back up for her to cook her a meal because she mentioned she hadn't eaten. He gets her to try a sauce he's making and she loves it, tells him that he's found his calling. Pacey isn't so sure because he's now cemented into Capeside. Joey asks him what's up with the ennui. Pacey says that Dawson conquered Hollywood and she ran off to Paris and New York while he is right back where he started. Joey says he has a lot to be proud of while Pacey wishes he could feel that. Then he says he didn't until she came back. She gets a bit worried but he tells her he just wanted to say thanks. He felt like he was walking through life like everything was smudged but when she showed up, it they vanished and the window was clear. She jokes that he's eloquent and then throws noodles at him. He throws some back and they get into a cute food fight. Just as Joey is about to throw a huge chunk of noodles at him, he asks her to reconsider so she eats them instead. They get close, about to kiss and Pacey asks her why they always seem to end up drawn to each other. Joey threatens to get a plane right out of there, and Pacey says that he's not trying to bring her down and then stuffs noodles down her shirt. She tries to throw more and he points out that they're throwing her dinner. Joey is laughing like crazy but stops herself, realization hitting her. She asks him if it's ok for them to be laughing right now. Pacey assures her that right now is the best time to find happiness in life. I love this moment so much. It's very honest and real. Grief is such a funny thing because what they don't tell you is that most of the time, you're functioning and "normal" and then something will hit you in just the right/wrong way and suddenly the tears come. But worse is when the grief is fresh and you find that moment of peace but guilt won't let you have it. The guilt is what causes you the most pain, the grief is something you carry with you forever and over time, you can hopefully turn it into bittersweet memories. 

These are the moments where I realize how much I missed
Kevin Williamson for the past 4 seasons

Joey is in the hospital room, helping Jen put on makeup. She's just told Jen that she broke up with Christopher and I guess the guy didn't put up much of a fight. Joey says that he said something that Jen thinks is beautiful but Joey says he stole the line from a famous writer. Oops. Jen shakes her head and says that Joey is constantly jumping in with her heart and jumping out with her head. Joey says that she's not conflicted any more and hasn't been for years. Jen mentions that Dawson's show will remind her of the conflict but it doesn't seem like it's that true to life judging by the opening we were treated to. Jen also says that she's often thought about suing Dawson for who he cast as her. Poor Jen. Just constantly shit on in this show and now here she is dying after having been left to single motherhood and her friends still only think of her as "the slutty new girl from New York" and they're the best friends she's ever had. Oof. Jen deserves so much better. Joey thinks that at least Jen gets to have sex, her character is constantly pining over Colby or Petey. Jen jokes that she never could make a decision and Joey reveals that there was never a decision. She always knew who she was supposed to be with but fear kept her running. Jen demands that Joey make the choice and tell her who it is as her dying wish. Joey is about to say when Dawson comes in the room and Joey gets an  oh shit face and stops talking. I think it's very clear what this scene is implying, that Joey is supposed to end up with Dawson and at this point, Kevin Williamson was writing the finale to reflect that. However, having watched the series in full, I don't buy this ending in the slightest so my head cannon is that Joey got that look because she's conditioned to be terrified of admitting her love for Pacey because it means saying goodbye to, essentially, her childhood safety blanket. #sorrynotsorry.

Oh, one thing I keep forgetting to mention, the finale randomly has the correct music in place. I guess they splurged for this episode but not for anything else. So we are treated to the og theme song and the og score which leads me to this gut-wrenching scene where Dawson is going to film Jen leaving a message for her baby, Amy. During her speech, the background song is Sarah McLachlan's In the Arms of an Angel, so you know just the saddest song over the saddest scene ever. I can't even imagine having to leave a note like this for your baby, knowing you will never get to see them grow up or who they'll become. I was sobbing like a fool during this, like legit it was a hard scene to get through. I know I cried the first time I watched this but it hits even harder now and I think I cried more during this rewatch simply because I have kiddos now and I know what this all means. She tells Amy that to love is to live and these are fictional characters but my heart is just breaking at those words. 

We cut to the next scene where Pacey is popping in a VHS into a VCR and wow, this seems so normal to me but I'm sure it throws people for a loop because even in 2008, VCRs and VHS tapes were falling out of use. 2008 and the advent of iphones/ipads and the like with streaming and digital content was the final nail in the coffin. He would not have an easy way of playing that tape now. Weird. Pacey admits that he borrowed the tape from Dawson in 1998, right after he shot it. Hey, remember when I was appalled at the fact that the theme song was no longer I Don't Want to Wait but some new song I'd never heard before, Run Like Mad? I wrote a whole post about it here. During my scant research where I googled and found an article with the answers, I learned that the OG theme song was actually supposed to be Alanis Morissette's Hand in my Pocket. Somehow, it did not open up my memory bank that Kevin gave us a little Easter Egg here because the VHS that Pacey puts in? Is basically extended clips from the first season opening credits while that song plays. Crazy. How did I not remember this? Jen thinks they look gawky and Pacey jokes that only she is. Jen sees that Pacey gets googly eyed at Joey being on the screen and calls him out on it. Pacey admits that he's happy that she's around again and that she makes him feel alive, which is something that people underestimate. Jen thinks people overestimate it and says that feeling alive and happy needs to be an inside job. I don't think Jen is wrong here but this very much reads as Kevin trying to point out that Pacey is wrong for Joey because he's too dependent on her for his happiness. This still feels like it's building to a Dawson/Joey ending. Jen asks if he's going to steal or borrow her from his best friend and Pacey hopes they've moved beyond all that. Jen says she hopes they stay friends because it's important but then she stops talking, breaking down in front of him. The change in her, from cheery and sage to just absolutely devastated and terrified is just brilliant. My heart was already shredded into a million little pieces and now Michelle has just taken those pieces and thrown them into the winds, never to be recovered. This is visceral. She is scared and angry, she doesn't want to do this and she doesn't want to leave her daughter. Pacey vows that they will all take care of her daughter and that she will not be alone and gives her a hug but this is so hard to watch. It's harder now that I've been through this type of feeling countless times now. You stay tough to be strong and to get yourself through things but sometimes the weight of it all becomes way too much to bare and the only thing you can be is angry and sad and helpless. Michelle nails this perfectly. She took this stupid resolution to her character and she took no prisoners. Her acting is not what I dislike about this ending for her. She's flawless. If you can make it through this scene without crying, I'm gonna question if you're actually human. 

This scene has lived rent free in my brain since I saw it and is the scene
I thought about when I dreaded writing this recap. It wrecks me every time.
Every. Damn. Time.

Dawson is sitting alone on a bench when Joey comes up to him and asks him how it went, it being the last video of Jen. Dawson says that on the list of the hardest things he's lived through, Joey got bumped again. He laments that even now, all he can think about is his job and the ending to his script. Joey tries to excuse this but Dawson also drops this doozy that he didn't remember Jen had a kid. She walked in with a baby and flat out took a second to remember she'd had a baby. Look, I don't think I understand this scene as it stands now because all I'm reading is confirmation of what I'd always believed: Dawson is the shittiest friend who does not care about their lives outside of what they can do for him. Once they're out of his view, he just forgets they exist, even Joey. Remember that deleted scene? He didn't write her back after she'd written him multiple emails. I'm forgetful too but I think that after I received the second email, I'd kick my ass in gear to respond to my friend. He just never did. Now, if there was a Dawson/Joey ending, I actually think this scene works better because it's acting as his call to action to realize that chasing his dream in Hollywood is making him lose sight of what really matters to him, friends, family, and supposedly Joey. But knowing that this is not how it goes down, this scene comes across terribly for Dawson as a character. Because he's saying that he's upset that he is missing out while also admitting that he's consumed by his work and the resolution is just...him going back to his work. You'll see. Dawson laments that he's not with Joey and she tells him that they're together every Wednesday at 8pm because he wrote a show about them. This line always sounded like a dumping to me. Like, he's putting it out there that he likes her and her response is that he's a writer and he can write whatever ending he wants...in his show. That sounds to me like she's not interested in rekindling a real relationship with him but I don't think that was necessarily the intent, originally. 

We next find Jack and Jen hanging out. He's grading papers. Jen is also reading a paper while holding Amy. Jen thinks the paper she's reading deserves an A while Jack thinks that the student can do better. Jack offers to take Amy and put her in her seat so Jen can rest and then brings up the as yet unspoken issue of what is going to happen to her. Jen says that she doesn't want Jack to feel pressure because most people who are godparents, don't imagine that they'll actually have to parent full time. Jack cuts her off and says he wants her but he doesn't know what she and Grams have discussed. Jen says she and Grams know that Jack will be an amazing father and requests that he finds Amy a place where she belongs because she never felt like she fit. Jack says they had each other. Jen says that from the moment she stepped out of the cab, she was cast as the bad girl instigator and she doesn't want that for Amy. Jack says that she belongs to him because they're soulmates and I am ugly crying yet again. These two I buy as soulmates and it means so much more when Jack says it here. I wish we'd gotten more of them together though. The show always lacked the friendship moments that I craved. He promises that Amy will know love and will know how much Jen loved her. This is beautiful.

These two are the true soulmates of Dawson's Creek

We cut to a waiting room where Joey and Pacey are sitting together. Her head is on his shoulder and they're holding hands which tells me that they were leaning more towards Joey and Pacey when shooting this scene. Dawson is sitting with hi s mom and watching Lily and Alexander play. Did you think you were done crying yet? Because this part just about wrecked me completely. Grams is sleeping next to Jen's bed. Jen wakes up briefly and looks over at Grams. A small smile on her lips and then she closes her eyes. Grams wakes up and sees Jen laying very still. She checks her and realizes she's gone. She leans in, kisses her forehead, and whispers that she'll see her soon. I'm sorry but this scene is just too heartbreaking for me to handle. I'm crying even writing it. Grams is dealing with her own impending death and is having to bury her granddaughter before herself. That is tragic beyond words and it's honestly moments like this that I hope there is a heaven and that they will see each other again. 

Look, if I'm a sobbing mess, I'm gonna take you all with me

We cut to the Ice House, where the funeral is being held or perhaps the gathering after the funeral. Everyone is consoling each other. Jack is playing with Amy while Doug watches from another table with Pacey. Pacey says that he should go talk to him but Doug thinks that now is not the time. Pacey tells him that this saying isn't worth much today and walks away leaving Doug to ruminate on that. Time is so precious. We know it but we often let ourselves forget it. 

Pacey finds Joey in the kitchen looking for spoons. She asks him how he's doing and he says he's ok but then tells her that she's off the hook. Joey is confused and he explains that she's off the hook for making a decision between him and Dawson. He needs to be happy with himself now and he needs to find a way to make himself happy. He also says that he wants for her to be happy too and he doesn't care if it's with Dawson, New York guy, or some other man she hasn't even met yet. He then tells her that the simple fact of being in love with her is enough for him. Joey says that she doesn't actually want to be left off the hook. She loves him and always has but she also loves Dawson. Now the key here is I feel like this scene was written a bit vague but there were clues that tells me that, at this point, they were thinking the ending would be Pacey/Joey. The reason I think this is that she says that she loves him in a very real way that's kept her running. If you'll recall, she told Jen that she always ran from the love. She then says that she loves Dawson as her soulmate and in a very "innocent and childlike way" this tells me that she sees the soulmates thing as platonic, much like Jack and Jen. Pacey is a bit confused though because he doesn't have that context and asks her to clarify what she means. Before she can, Bess interrupts her and Joey has to leave. Pacey laughs in good humoured frustration. 

At the beach front, Jack is sitting with Amy and staring out at the water. Doug comes up to them and asks what he's thinking about. Jack thinks he might move to Boston or New York. Doug thinks he can't do it but Jack is tired of being the token gay in a community of rich, white, straight people. He doesn't want Amy to have the same childhood he did, except instead of being the only gay kid, she'll be the only kid with a gay parent. She could be a gay kid with a gay parent, Jack. Doug thinks that he'll be a gay dad where ever he goes and that Amy is going to face rejection no matter what because it's a part of life. He says that being a good parents means knowing your kid will fall and showing them how to get back up. Doug wants to help parent Amy but Jack rejects the offer, saying he doesn't want to get back together out of obligation or pity. Doug says he loves him and he wants to stand out with him and his daughter, if he'll let him. They kiss but an old couple walks by so Jack stops. Doug tells them good evening and says that he was just kissing his boyfriend. The old couple, the Douglases tell him that's sweet and move on. Doug and Jack laugh. So, I love this but it also feels very of a time where we thought things like homophobia were done because the barest amount of representation was achieved or the people who think racism doesn't exist anymore because the US had a black president. I'm happy that symbolically it seems that Doug and Jack are accepted in Capeside and that Doug is now comfortable being out but there are going to be assholes. There will always be assholes, unfortunately and it seems like they are having way too much of a say these days. 

We cut to Dawson's backyard. He's sitting on a picnic table, trying to think of an ending for his show when he hears a car door. We get a flashback to Jen coming out of the cab, the first time we see her in the show and I start crying again because I'm a big softie. He snaps out of it and is back in the present with his little sister playing with Alexander in the background. Joey walks up and asks how he's doing and if he's writing. Dawson laments the unfinished ending and Joey asks him to make it a happy one, whatever it is because she's so over the life and death of it all. Dawson points out that the opposite of death is birth and that life has no opposite and they joke that he overthinks things. Dawson then says that it doesn't really matter what the ending is or who ends up with who because it's fiction and his life is real. In some unearthly way, they'll always be together. Joey agrees that they're soulmates and Dawson says that it goes beyond friendship and lovers, that they're forever. Joey says she loves him and he says he loves her too and folks, I was so annoyed the first time I watched this because I thought it meant that Dawson and Joey were ending up together and I just couldn't be good with that. We even see Lily coaxing Alex up the ladder as if implying that they are also going to be soulmates or some junk and I just rolled my eyes so hard. Joey confirms that it's him and her always and he agrees and we fade out.

BUT THEN, we cut to Sam coming through Colby's window. She falls, just like Joey did in the first part of this finale, and Colby helps her up. Sam then says that she can't take it anymore and, I quote, "I don't want to wait for my life to be over. I want to know right now. What will it be?" and I burst out laughing. I don't know if I noticed the first watch or I completely forgot about this but it's hilarious that Dawson is cribbing lines from the theme song of his very own show. I also wonder...do viewers who never saw the OG opening, get this joke? Or are they just there wondering why the dialogue sounds so clunky? Or maybe they did pick up on it because this episode randomly has the OG themesong back on it? Anyways, Colby says it's her and him always and they kiss. We pan out to see Joey back in her New York apartment and saying how perfect the ending was. We pan out further as she looks over to her companion and asks if they're crying and it's Pacey! Joey says they should call him. Dawson is back in LA and sends his assistant home as he answers the call. Pacey and Joey gush over the ending and say they can't wait for next season. Dawson asks them to guess who he has a meeting with tomorrow and they both guess Spielberg, incredulously. That is who Dawson is meeting and he isn't sure what he's going to say as we fade to black. 

The triumph I felt watching this moment.

That's it, we're done. The show is finished and I'm at a loss for what I'm going to do with my time now. I mean, no I'm not but man does it feel weird to be done. I both love and hate this series finale. I think it's sweet and it's touching and says a lot about friendships and loss and growing up. That's really what this show was all about and when it was at it's greatest. I do hate a few things about it though and it's mainly that Jen had to die. I mean it offers a lot of poignancy and Michelle nails the part but it feels like a slap in the face to her character. She is the one I rooted for the most in all of the seasons. I just wanted her to be happy. I just wanted her to find love that loved her the way she deserved. I thought it was CJ but he turned out to be a complete loser until maybe the very end and he also may or may not have been the one to knock her up and ditch her so fuck him. On top of that, they cut Andie's scenes so she doesn't appear at all and that feels wrong to me. For those who don't know, she ended up as a doctor and there was a scene filmed that she came back and reveals that she became a doctor. That's cool and I love that she seemed happy. Jack ending up with Doug feels...I don't know. I like that he ended up in a nice relationship but I'm not sure I like that it was Doug Witter. I don't think they could ever decide whether Doug was an asshole or not and I know that they made him nicer in later seasons but I can't help but remember how violently angry he gets. He also seemed very complicit in Pacey's abuse and I don't jibe with that. I don't think Jack should end up with someone like that. I think we're meant to forget about the whole gun incident and just see it as a little callback "teehee Pacey's jokes were right" moment but that feels really cheap too.

I think we need to discuss in depth the whole Pacey/Joey/Dawson resolution thing. It feels very much like it jumped from the season 3 drama to here and I think it's largely because Kevin wasn't involved in those seasons and maybe only loosely kept up to date during season 3 enough to know that Pacey/Joey were a thing, in fact he admitted to wanting to explore them after seeing Josh and Katie work together in Double Date. The finale is uneven though but I'll leave that for the ultimate series wrap up post.