Glee - 319 - Prom-asaurus

 Original air date: May 8, 2012

When we last left Glee, Rachel had choked at her NYADA audition to add some drama to that story because everyone knows she's getting in. We pick right up with Rachel's inner monologue as she focuses on getting over her heartbreak of losing out on her dream school. She consoles herself about her loss by telling herself she still has Finn, the wedding, and Nationals. She finds Becky in the bathroom practicing her queen wave because she wants to be prom queen. Rachel tries to tell her not to get her hopes up but Becky calls her a loser and walks out. 

So, I normally don't have a problem with Figgins as a character. I razz him about his hands being tied all the time but really, he's usually harmless which is why it kind of irks me and weirds me out that he abruptly calls Brittany a "sexy teen trollop" because wow that is a really gross thing for a principal to say to a student and it's not funny at all. It's not a joke, it's just him sexually harassing a teen girl. He says Brittany has done nothing all year and is considering getting rid of the position all together. She's flunking all of her classes as well and he says she needs class president on her transcripts to get into college at this point. Yeah, I don't think it will help if she's failing everything because like, that means she doesn't graduate high school, the bare minimum requirement to attend college. Brittany doesn't want this to be her legacy so Figgins suggests that she throw a hell of a prom in order for him to reconsider just scrapping her presidency. 

Brittany shows up at prom committee to see a room full of people she doesn't know. They have been meeting since September and their theme is Castles in the Clouds which sounds nice. Brittany loves the unicorns but hates the idea because castles are too heavy for clouds. The guy then suggests stairway to heaven but she won't accept that unless they also build an escalator for disabled kids which sounds very progressive but this is Glee so she follows it up by saying she doesn't even think disabled people can get into heaven which is just. This show is so bizarrely mean sometimes that I can't process my thoughts on it. It's so innocuously stupid that you don't want to take it seriously but to let it slip also feels yuck. I still can't believe people trusted Ryan Murphy to fictionalize true crime with any sense of compassion or empathy based on his previous shows which show a distinct lack of either. Anyway, moving on. Brittany suggests a dinosaur theme to which the one guy seems excited but the girls both say is the dumbest theme ever for prom. Brittany fires them all for bullying which is a shame because I think the guy really liked her idea. We'll never see those three again though so farewell forever nameless extras. Brittany thinks one of them is Rachel and says she'll see her in glee club still which is a bit funny. Random humour can be funny and not mean, who'd have thunk it?

This woman is not a high school student, come on casting department

Sue is, for some reason, making the morning announcements. Becky does the xylophone sound for her and gets carried away so Sue has to stop her. She then announces the Prom King nominees, Rick "The Stick", Brittany S. Pierce, and Finn. The Prom Queen nominees are Missy (?), Santana and Quinn. Becky is not happy about this and trashes the room before storming out because she was robbed. Sue has had such a wonderful effect on her. That was sarcasm, by the way.

Finn asks Rachel if she's bummed she didn't get nominated but she's chill because she knew she didn't have a chance in hell. Finn says he voted for her and got a kid in his study hall to vote for her too. Rachel says she's not bothered because she's going to be dancing the night away with him anyway and she'll help him with his posters later. 

Will congratulates the nominees but says they're all winners because Figgins asked them all to perform for the night again. Everyone is excited about this. He says Brittany has some announcements and she gets up to tell everyone the theme is dinosaurs. She also says that Quinn and Santana are in charge of vote counting which makes no sense since they're both nominees and this would put the third girl at a huge disadvantage so you know this is a plot point thing. Brittany also bans hair gel from the prom because it doesn't fit with her theme but also because she hates the way Blaine looks. Girl, same. 

Rachel finds a prom poster with Finn and Quinn on it and gets apoplectically mad. She confronts Finn who says that she can't approach him all crazy right off the bat but she tells him she's not crazy, she's mad and hurt. This is so legit, guys really can't handle it when women get mad and they've been conditioned to just write us off as "crazy" or "hysterical" and I'm tired of it. Our anger is not a sign of mental instability, it's usually a sign that you've pissed us off. Moving on, Finn says that he feels guilty that Quinn can't walk because of an accident that she got into trying to come to their wedding. Rachel is upset that she has to watch him dance with his ex during her prom. Both are legit and I'm sure they could come to an understanding but they are teenagers so I can buy this as a conflict.

Quinn is trying her best to walk but only gets one step forward before collapsing. Joe is still her physiotherapist, apparently and she thanks him for coming with her. He just sees it as a way to spend time with her and I'm so bored with this pairing. It's not like it's going to continue past this season anyway. Joe thinks she should tell everyone about how she's doing but Quinn wants to keep it a secret because she wants to walk into prom. Joe thinks she'll be dancing at prom.

Becky monologues with Helen Mirren's voice again about how she really wanted to be a prom queen and that her crown was stolen from her. Sue calls her in and gives her a pep talk and a bit of a reality check that she wasn't going to get the votes because she's a bit of a bitch which Sue means in the nicest way possible. I don't, she's really weirdly mean. I feel like, in order to not write her as the sweet stereotype, they went too hard in the other direction. So she still feels like a token character that's only funny because she's mean when you're not expecting her to be. She doesn't feel like a real character. 

Rachel sings Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie and is soon joined by Blaine and Kurt. They ask her if she's rehearsing for prom because the song is a bit of a downer. Rachel can't help it because that's the way she feels and she doesn't want to go to prom. Blaine doesn't want to go either because he can't wear his hair gel. They are really drilling in the hair gel jokes. I approve. Kurt also doesn't want to go for the more valid reason of not wanting to be the butt of the joke again. Since they all don't want to go, Rachel comes up with a plan.

They gather everyone in glee club and tell them they're going to have an anti-prom. Look, Dawson's Creek already did this and it was for a way better cause. Rachel and Kurt explain how they got a hotel room to party in and it will be catered. Santana says it's just a party for her and Kurt and Blaine but Rachel says she invited everyone. We then get a cutaway of her asking Becky to go but Becky is rude to her because that's her one joke. Puck says he's in because he's tired of failing at things, also because he's probably not allowed to go if he's failing school. Santana isn't having it and calls Rachel out for being selfish and throwing herself a pity party. She's going to go to regular prom with her girlfriend and her friends. Rachel looks upset. 

Santana is not impressed with Rachel

Quinn is pissed about Rachel trying to pull everyone out of prom but Finn feels bad for her because she's going through some stuff. Quinn reminds him that he's talking to a girl in a wheelchair right now but he tells her she looks good. Some random person fawns over Quinn who really pours on the fact that she's in a wheelchair. The girl tells her she'll vote for her. Finn is grossed out by this exchange and asks why she doesn't feel weird about getting sympathy votes. Quinn just wants votes period and it's clear she'll do whatever to get them. 

We are finally at prom and enter with Tina and Mike who is very excited about the prom theme because he loves dinosaurs. Brittany is performing Dinosaur by Key-dollar sign-ha. Sue is bragging about how good her punch is, which she's dubbed "prombrosia", to Finn. Finn wants to know where Quinn is so he can make sure he can get her and her wheelchair on stage when they win. Sue mentions that she's poisoned a bunch of children by putting Visine in the punch so she suggests checking the bathroom. Hey kids, don't put Visine in things people will consume, you are literally poisoning them. That will give a person diarrhea, severely dehydrate them or worse, send them to the hospital. DON'T DO THIS. It's not a funny prank. 

Finn walks into the bathroom to see Quinn standing. He's really mad and I feel like we're supposed to be too but I'm not? I guess Quinn needs to be the bad guy again. I get being a bit shocked, maybe feeling a bit led on but his level of anger feels way out of whack. Talking to my friend Lucas about this has helped me articulate why. His anger should be more with himself because he literally didn't have to be here. He could be with Rachel and should be to be supportive. Prom king is stupid and not a reason to not be there for your supposed future wife. However, if he's mad at himself for picking Quinn over Rachel, he shouldn't be taking that out on Quinn. She asked him to be her running mate, sure, but he didn't have to say yes. She wasn't holding a gun to his head. You can say that he felt guilty given her injuries but his level of anger feels more the level of for someone faking their whole injury. We know she didn't, we know she struggled to walk again. It's a bit weird and over the top for her to have saved her walking for prom but it's ultimately her choice when she wants to unveil it. I don't see the big deal here. I could get his upset, I just think Corey played this a little too harshly and a little too big. He needed to dial this back.

We cut to the anti prom where Rachel, Blaine, Kurt, Puck, and Becky have checked into a hotel room. Was Rachel really expecting her whole class to fit into this one hotel room? It's honestly lucky that only these guys wanted to come. There's not much to do and they quickly and awkwardly try to come up with something. Becky says she brought condoms because she says raunchy things, that's her character. Rachel suggests a fashion show and says she wants to show them her prom dress and then Becky makes a very mean spirited and honestly antisemitic remark about Rachel's "big honking nose" which is especially gross considering how fucking predominant antisemitism has become. 

Santana, Tina, and Brittany are performing Love You Like a Love Song by Selena Gomez & The Scene. Sam and Mercedes are dancing together, reminiscing about how they did this for the first time at last year's prom. Sam makes a comment about getting back together but she calls him crazy. She sees her ex dancing with another girl and they exchange respectful glances with each other. 

Quinn begs Finn to just finish the one dance with her and he agrees but only if she stands up and shows everyone she can walk. Quinn asks him not to do this now but he insists, getting more and more angry. He's screaming at her to show everyone how much she deserves to be queen. Joe steps in and Finn accuses him of knowing too since he did give her all that physiotherapy. He's mostly mute though because they didn't want to pay him too much or something. Finn gets more aggressive and Sue steps in to ask if she has to kick him out from another prom. Finn leaves on his own and then Sue calls Joe, Jar Jar Binks which is honestly a solid burn. 

The anti-prom attendees are looking very bored by the whole thing. Kurt and Blaine are watching the TV together. Blaine is still whining about the hair gel ban and cries because his hair is apparently atrocious without an insane amount of hair gel on his head. Ok, so from what I remember even fans of Darren's were complaining about the hair gel. So clearly the show felt the need to address it but the funny thing is...they didn't stop the gel thing. They made it a part of his character that he's self conscious without it. It's all very suspicious because why? This will become more obvious later but I want you to remember this. They are making a huge deal about how bad it would look if he stopped using hair gel. 

There's a knock at the door and Becky answers excitedly, hoping it's her shrimp ring but to her disappointment it's just Finn. He asks where Rachel is but she's in the bathroom, where she's been for a while now. Cue Rachel coming out and Finn is blown away. Honestly, so am I because she looks stunning.

She looks so gorgeous

Finn apologizes for abandoning her tonight and invites them all to come back with him to prom. They agree except Becky wants to get her shrimp ring first and Puck says he's hanging back too. The rest of them turn up to prom as the remaining Glee guys perform One Direction's What Makes You Beautiful. Brittany immediately spots Blaine and bars him from entering because of his hair gel situation. Kurt offers to help him and they go off to, what I assume, is the bathroom. The rest of the kids all dance to the fun pop song that was perfectly engineered to make all teen girls swoon. 

Puck and Becky are playing strip poker and she's winning. He asks her to lay off of him but she can't because she's too mad about losing out on being prom queen. Puck says he's going to get dressed again because he has an idea. He fashions a couple of crowns out of 12 pack drink boxes and presents Becky as the anti-prom queen. She's very excited and he invites her to go with him to regular prom. 

Rachel finds Quinn at the prom and apologizes to her for how she was behaving. Quinn says this is all news to her so it's easy to forgive her. Rachel asks if she knows what Quinn means to her and at this point, I'm convinced they were baiting the crap out of Faberry shippers just to toy with them. Rachel says that when she first got to high school she wanted to be just like Quinn, beautiful, popular and with Finn. Quinn says she's fallen pretty far but Rachel says she still sees her the same way and that's why she got so jealous. Rachel is proud that she found a way to become friends with Quinn and says that she's now apologizing to her friend. She also says that she voted for Quinn for prom queen because she thinks Quinn deserves it. Santana bursts in and tells Quinn to stop making out with Rachel and I repeat, toying with Faberry shippers. 

In a bizarre quick scene, Tina is accused of spiking the punch by Sue. She denies it and says she was just dehydrated from all the crying but Sue isn't convinced and also calls her dress hideous. This show loves putting Tina down, it's weird. She's the Meg of this show. Puck and Becky enter the prom and she monologues in Helen Mirren voice about how happy she is to be prom queen. Sue tells her that she is the best prom queen ever and Becky and Puck then go dance. It's a sweet moment for sure and I'm going to try to ignore that it's Puck who's doing the sweet thing. 

Quinn and Santana are counting the votes and Santana is pissed that Brittany only got 4 votes. She doesn't want to be queen unless Brittany is her king so she's out. Quinn says that's fine because she won by one vote anyway. It's exactly what she wanted but she says she doesn't feel any different. Quinn and Santana discuss how awesome their high school experience was and Quinn wants to leave this place having made a difference. 

Blaine walks in and no one recognizes him. They also think he looks super bad. Just really hideous and Brittany is super traumatized because he looks like a broccoli head. She realizes that she abused her power and in order to save people from turning to stone after looking at him, she gives him special permission to wear hair gel immediately. Blaine excitedly turns to go put some on but Kurt stops him. This is all really silly because this is what he looks like:

He just looks like a normal guy

He honestly looks so much better without the hair gel. Way less dweeby. I can't believe this show is making me stick up for Blaine but I don't see the issue. Now the show may just be making a joke here that he looks fine but everyone thinks he looks hideous but it feels like an excuse to keep using the hair gel which really does lend credence to the rumours that Darren is/was balding and they used the gel as a way to hide it and then realized that people hated it so this is how they addressed it. Making us feel bad for hating the hair gel when Blaine is self-conscious without it. I think he looks way better with the curls and natural hair and it's sad that the message they're pushing is that this kind of hair is ugly. It's really not. He's fine, the hair is fine, it's all fine. The hair gel sucks though. Someone ask Jenna (Tina) and Kevin (Artie) if this rumour is true, they seem like they'd dish all the dirty secrets for a bit of clout.

The winners are being announced for the king and queen. Kurt reads out the winner for prom king and it's Finn. Then Figgins announces that we have another write in winner. Kurt looks a bit worried but then it's announced that Rachel has won. She looks absolutely shell shocked and walks, speechless to the stage. Kurt tells her to smile and breathe as he puts the crown on her head. Finn walks her onto the dance floor while Quinn and Santana perform Take My Breath Away by Berlin. Rachel asks if it's a cruel joke and is waiting for the part when pig's blood gets dumped on her. Finn tells her that she's amazing and deserves to be queen because she's an inspiration to everyone. It's very cheesy but sweet. Rachel wants this year to never end. We close off the episode with a montage of our glee couples posing with a dinosaur. 

I'm surprised but I didn't actually hate this episode. There were problems in it for sure but I didn't hate it as a nice final prom for our glee kids. Really could have done some reworking of the Quinn walking reveal because they made it seem like a much bigger scandal than it actually felt like. I mean, she wasn't faking the injury and we, as the audience, were seeing her struggle through physio, so the betrayal didn't hit us the way they were making Finn react to it. They really just assumed we'd hate her because it's Quinn or something. This season is still playing out way better than season 2 so there's that. Next episode we cover will be Props. It's probably going to be bad because there's three episodes left and at this point, we really only care about Nationals which is one episode but here's hoping it's not.