Dawson's Creek - 619 - Lovelines

Original air date: April 16, 2003

I hate this episode so much. I'm sorry, I need to get that off my chest right off the bat, sorry if it makes this recap less fun but I just hate everything about this. I hate how pandering it is, I hate that it's promoting Adam fucking Corolla, I hate that it introduces weird out of nowhere conflicts and does a shit job of properly addressing any of it. This is a poorly written episode. It's not fun and it feels mostly like a desperate bid to appeal to "the youth" by incorporating MTV again. Dawson's Creek is not an MTV show and it feels so very out of place whenever they try to be and try they have this season by having Jack Osborne as a guest star, a No Doubt concert, and now this stupid nonsense where they promote Dr. Drew. I didn't even remember he was in this episode because he has no presence but I sure as shit remember Adam fucking Corolla because he was the bane of my existence as a young woman growing up in the early 2000s. He makes my skin crawl. I hate him as much as you can hate someone who you only know through their public persona but given where he is now, I'm pretty sure I'd hate him if I knew him as a person too because he's doing the whole crazy right wing grift now. Let's just get this over with, shall we?

We open the episode right on Eddie trying to canoodle with Joey but being rebuffed because she's studying. He whines about how ever since he got back, he's gotten nothing from her which feels really gross. Look, I know Pacey and her had this argument but at that time, they'd been dating for 6 months. These two barely dated and the second they had sex the first time, he bailed on her. No shit she's not that interested in sex with Eddie. Before they can get into it though, Audrey bursts into the room, finally back after her long hiatus in rehab. It's nice because I've missed her. I also love how she immediately insults Eddie upon seeing him. She asks Joey to guess who was on her plane and she dubs this person the sexiest man in America. I get immediately icked out because do not ask me to pretend that mealy mouthed asshole Adam fucking Corolla is worthy of that title but no, she's talking about Dr. Drew. Which...is also a choice but very weird and I think they were trying to be funny with this? I don't know. He's not bad looking but would a college aged girl really call him the sexiest man in America? She calls him hotter than Brad Pitt who, at the time, was very good looking and we didn't know that he was an abusive asshole, so this is highly unlikely. Eddie has no clue what they're talking about so Joey explains that Dr. Drew and Adam Corolla have a radio show together where they give love advice and I'm so sorry to all of the women that had to endure Adam Corolla's "comedy" and got probably the worst advice possible. Joey informs us that they're in town to do a charity event with the help center that Jen is working at and Jen is hosting it too. Audrey is stoked because she thinks Jen will be able to get her some face time with Dr. Drew. She then goes to pee and Joey jokingly says "she's back" like the little girl from Poltergeist and she and Eddie laugh.

Jen is frantically trying to untangle a telephone cord at the help center. She asks why they can't invest in cordless phones. CJ sees she's stressed and goes over to ask her if she's nervous about the thing that night. She says she's fine and he asks if she wants to hang out after. Jen doesn't want to because she has to help Grams so CJ offers to help with Grams too but she declines again. He asks why he can't help and she tells him bluntly that she's breaking up with him. So...I'm torn. I really don't like CJ in this rewatch and normally I'd be all good for her. She should dump him but the show has managed to have her do this in such a way that I'm utterly baffled as to why? Like, the point he rejected her repeatedly and then slept with Audrey, she never should have gotten together with him. When he was pressuring her a couple episodes ago and then acted like she was a whore for asshole men but not for him, she absolutely should have dumped him. Here, he was being the least offensive version of himself. The part I remembered where he seemed sweet and supportive and this doesn't make any sense. It's obviously supposed to signal that something is wrong but I really hate it when plots like this happen. Anyway, CJ is most confused as am I.

Wait, what the fuck just happened?

Eddie wants to finish the conversation he was having with Joey and he phrases it as her being repulsed by him. She denies being repulsed by him so he asks why she won't get with him which is the grossest way to ask and I second Joey's feeling of being creeped out by this. She doesn't want to talk about sex with him because it makes her uncomfortable and I really don't understand why the writers keep doing this to her. This is not the same character that talked about leather chaps and Crisco. The thing is, making Joey engage in sexual relationships while seemingly being incapable of talking about sex doesn't make her seem appealing, it makes her seem extremely childish and like she shouldn't be in relationships. I'm not saying sex repulsed people can't be in relationships, they absolutely can but I'm pretty sure they're able to talk about sex and their feelings about it. This is the writers trying to make Joey seem "pure" and "innocent" by not wanting to talk about sex and it's kind of really gross. Audrey pops up from her bed to tell them to just do it already and be quiet so she can sleep. Was Eddie really trying to have sex with Joey while her roommate slept in the bed like a couple feet away. Gross. That could be part of the problem there, Eddie boy. Joey has a quiz so she dips out. Audrey then asks Eddie if he wants to make out but he doesn't and she tells him that he passed the test. She tells him that if he breaks Joey's heart again, she'll kill him and let's just say, Audrey should start sharpening her knives. 

Jack and David are working the ticket line for the Lovelines show. A random guy starts hitting on David who is flustered but calls Jack over as his boyfriend to politely rebuff the guy. The guy backs off and David mentions how nice he seemed. Jack agrees and everything seems jovial and ok between them.

David runs into Jen who appears to be stress eating now. She's worried about the show and that no one will ask a question. She thinks she needs a ringer to ask something in case there's any awkward silences but David is out because he has a fear of public speaking. CJ enters as David runs back to help with the tickets and tries to ask what's up with Jen. Jen sidesteps by saying how busy she is and how many cold cuts she has to go over, because she's by the snack area. CJ gets the hint and leaves. Audrey comes up and asks Jen where "he" is because it's destiny that they were on the same page. It's at this point that Adam fucking Corolla appears with his mealy mouthed disgusting smile and says that they don't need to fight because, and I quote, "there is plenty of room on the Corolla coaster." and I am Christine Taylor in this moment.

Seriously, this guy makes my skin crawl

Jen is me and dips so fast. Adam then sets his sights on Audrey but she clarifies that she's looking for Dr. Drew. The joke here is that she should be interested in Adam because...he's slightly younger but she's into the older Dr. Drew but here's the thing. She should be into neither. And she should pepper spray Adam because he actually says that while Dr. Drew is old enough to be her grandpa, he is only old enough to "be her daddy" and again I'm Christine Taylor and I also think I need several showers. 

Jack is sitting in a row of seats, an empty chair next to him that he's saved by draping his jacket over it. The guy from the ticket line, Fred comes up and jokes about how in demand that seat is. He asks where the boyfriend is and Jack kind of snarkily says that he's clearly not where he's supposed to be. I'm not sure I get where this anger is supposed to be coming from. They seemed fine earlier and now Jack is acting like he's been ditched. My guy, you left David with your friends for an entire night while you tried to flirt with your professor, I think you can wait a few minutes for him to show up for you tonight. It's not like the show has started.  Fred asks him if the seat is taken and Jack just gives it to him. I don't care if I'm late, if my SO did that to me, I'd be so fucking pissed. 

Eddie is still whining about not getting sex, please tell me again why Joey chose him over Pacey. This is the episode you give us right after breaking our hearts? Further proof that her choice was the dumbest it could possibly be?? Anyway, he complains that he thought she said he was good at it and says that the trust is gone and buddy, that is super fucking rich coming from someone who up and left without a word. YOUR trust is gone? The fucking nerve of this fucking guy. Apologies for swearing more than normal but this episode upsets me way too much. Joey motions for Eddie to just sit down and shut up and I concur. But he should also just leave.

David finds Jack laughing and talking with Fred, decidedly not with an empty seat for him. He's not pleased and I wouldn't be either. Jack is an asshole this season, last season too. They kind of torched him but didn't develop him enough for this to be some learning experience he needs. I don't like it because I love Jack and seeing him act this way sucks. Fred realizes he's caused a big rift and leaves, giving David his seat. At least, there's that but David is still clearly pissed. 

The show has finally started and Jen introduces us to Dr. Drew and Adam fucking Corolla. She goes straight into asking for questions and just like she feared, no one asks anything. There's silence until Audrey raises her hand to ask but Jen ignores her because of the whole, Audrey being horny for Dr. Drew thing. Finally, CJ speaks up and asks about being dumped suddenly and without warning by his girlfriend. He mentions sleeping with her friend to which Adam jokes that it couldn't possibly be that but then he clarifies that it happened before they got together. Adam then says that he should run because the girl is clearly nuts and it's this attitude that really harms everyone. It harms men because it tells them that feelings are crazy and therefore shouldn't be examined any further and it harms women because it belittles and invalidates their feelings by painting them as just "crazy" and I hate it. Jen tries to move on from this because it's about her and she's not wanting it discussed in front of a crowd of strangers. Eddie is still badgering Joey about their issue which is just insanely demeaning. I don't like that Joey doesn't want to talk about it but she's told him that she doesn't want to and they're in a public place now where she's going to be more embarrassed so this isn't going to help things. He loudly asks why she won't talk about sex with him and this draws Adam and Drew's attention. They ask for them to get mics. Joey and Eddie try to say that they're ok and that they like not talking about sex. Dr. Drew asks the same question I did, should a couple that isn't mature enough to talk about sex really be having sex? Eddie says that's what he's been saying but no, he's just whining that he isn't getting any. Adam and Drew ask them to come on stage so that more main character awkwardness can happen. 

After a commercial break, we see Jen fitting Joey with a microphone as she ignores Audrey's pleas to ask a question. Joey, in true season 1 fashion has decided to place her anger on Jen rather than the actions of the guy that actually put her in this situation. Dr. Drew asks them what's going on with their relationship and Eddie, this fucking guy, starts whining about how he's been baring his soul to Joey for the past 6 months and it's like bitch 6 months what? You guys were barely together and then you bailed. What the fuck? You haven't been here for 6 months? Where does he get off? He calls her a phony??? Joey says that they met in the fall but didn't really like each other at first and then he says that she was clearly in love with him and calls her emotionally unstable. Joey, honey, you dumped Pacey for this piece of shit? There is no saving you. This man sucks and remember how I always complained how he belittled her? Yeah, this right here is belittling. Eddie is an emotionally abusive asshole. She calls him out for this and tells everyone how he bailed but I have a wee bit of contention for her saying that after he came back because she chased him down, he left again. Like, girl, you told him to go that time. You told him to go to school. You broke it off with him and it was the last smart thing you did this season. Adam actually calls Eddie out for being a loser who dumped her twice and is now surprised that she doesn't trust him enough to sleep with him but like, I'm still calling shenanigans on the second time. Like, he will abandon her again because he sucks but at this point, he's only done it once. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills but it was like a huge thing that Joey got him into this writer's workshop in California and they took a road trip with Seth Rogan to get him there and Audrey to rehab. That was a thing. They left on amicable terms. Anyway, Dr. Drew starts asking Joey if abandonment is a huge thing for her and I think it is to most people but I know what they're getting at because his next question is about her father and if he's around. Guys love blaming the issues that women have with them on her own daddy issues. Like yes, there is a clear case that Joey has abandonment issues but that's not her failing, it's her fathers's and Eddie's. Joey asks Jen to field more questions so Jen asks someone with their hand up. 

Surprise, that person is David. He's annoyed because Jack was flirting with another guy in front of him and wants to know what the proper response is. Adam makes a crack about how having a chat isn't flirting or something and Dr. Drew says that Adam longs to be gay. I didn't mention this before but earlier when talking about Joey Adam and Drew banter like they are gay and this is gross. I wasn't going to mention it because this episode has so many problems and I'm ranting a lot but I can't overlook it because it crops up a lot and it's made especially gross coming from the man who is now shilling with Prager U about the "woke" colleges with their pronouns and stuff. This guy needs to get a life and grow the fuck up but he won't because he's already a miserable old man and will probably stay that way. Seriously, I hate Adam fucking Corolla and everything he represents. Fuck you and Kimmel and your lame The Man Show. David complains that he thought he and Jack were in a monogamous relationship. Jen pipes in to defend Jack by saying that he's just a really nice and friendly person but Adam thinks he should dump Jack and he's not just saying that "because he's a gay". Do you see? Do you see why I hate him?? 

Jen tries to veer the convo in another direction and asks to speak with Mandy who is behind a silhouette screen for anonymity I guess. You can see her get shoved aside by Audrey, who replaces her. She starts talking about her issues with alcoholism and it seems like it's going to be a very touching moment but she caps it off by asking if Dr. Drew wants to go back to her dorm room and play a game called Dirty Doctor and Naughty Nurse. 

They asked her to pose like this, you know they painstakingly positioned her
to look as sexy as they wanted her to.

Jen quickly veers away from that awkwardness but CJ amps things up by asking for her perspective on his problem. Jen tries to refer him to the experts but Dr. Drew insists that she show everyone what they can expect when they call the helpline. She gives off a couple of reasons she thinks that CJ would have been dumped but after being bugged by Adam, she lets it slip that she is the one CJ is asking about. Joey looks very happy about this turn of events because the heat is off of her. Drew presses Jen for answers about what she doesn't like about him but Jen says he's the perfect guy but can't explain why she doesn't want to be with him, instead she asks them to go back to Joey because she's more messed up than her. Dr. Drew asks them if they were abused when they were younger and they both say no but like...they kind of were. Not physically, sure but Joey's father abandoned her family and brought shame on them, that's not outright abuse but it left a trauma in her. Jen's dad slept with her underage babysitter, saw she was home and did nothing as his 12 year old daughter ran out into the streets of NYC. Her mother sent her home basically to catch her father and neither parent cared where she was all weekend. Neither one of them. Fuck the Lindley's.  Anyway, Eddie betrays Joey's trust yet again by telling a room full of strangers about how her dad served time in jail. All hell has broken loose as Joey asks them to talk to Jack again and Eddie yells that he wants answers from her and Audrey tries to ask about underwear preferences so Jen bails. Audrey finds her backstage and begs to know what it's like to be close to Dr. Drew. Jen gives her the mic and tells her to take over hosting duties. Audrey is disappointed she wasn't asked to sing but says a gigs a gig.

Audrey comes out on stage and takes over hosting duties. The rest of the show goes off without a hitch and she's fielding a bunch of questions while both Dr. Drew and Adam fucking Corolla offer their answers. I won't bore you with the details. Audrey closes out the show to much applause. She tries to proposition Dr. Drew but he's left the stage already and Adam fucking Corolla decides to be a creeper to which she thankfully reacts with disgust and walks off. 

Joey is looking for Audrey but Eddie still wants to talk about their lack of sex and dude, back the fuck off of her. I agree you need to talk but how about give her some space right now because she's clearly said she doesn't want to talk. Let her think for like a day. Adam fucking Corolla comes in and actually sides with me which is good but I still hate this man with a burning fire. I will spare you his lame attempts at comedy and say that he gets to the crux of the issue which should have already been painfully obvious to the both of them, Joey doesn't trust Eddie. Why she picked him over Pacey if she doesn't even trust him is beyond me and yes I'm still harping on that because I'm still so mad that the writers thought it was a good idea to have her run from Pacey to this guy. If she had not been ready to revisit Pacey, I could have stomached that. It's the fact that she chose Eddie over him that pisses me off so fucking much. Eddie basically says that he doesn't want to stop living in their fantasy right now and that he can't say anything that will help her trust him so she has to do the heavy lifting and just have faith that he loves her. This somehow works on Joey because she's apparently lost a ton of brain cells this season and she immediately wants to have sex with him. Joey...I may not think you deserve Pacey anymore but you sure as hell deserve better than this asshole. They also ditch Audrey, by the way. She can find her own ride, I guess.

Jack tries to make a joke with David but he's not in the mood to hear it. Jack seems really callous right now and refuses to apologize because he didn't do anything wrong, in his mind. Look, I don't think jealousy is healthy in a relationship and I think it's fine that Jack is friendly with other people but my guy, you gave away David's seat to the guy you were "being friendly" with and that is something you absolutely should apologize for. Jack honestly doesn't deserve someone as chill as David. Jack insists he didn't do anything wrong but like, David is upset Jack and you should care about that. David calls him out for pushing him away and wonders if he should have trusted his original instinct about him. Jack takes this to mean that he wants to break up but David accuses him of snowballing their argument. It really didn't have to be this big, David is looking for a bit of respect here and all Jack has to do is apologize for being an ass and he was being an ass. David turns to leave but makes it very clear to Jack that either he apologizes to him or he breaks up with him. Jack offers a little child version a la "fine, sorry" in that curt voice that obviously belies their lack of actually being apologetic. David actually has some self respect and tells him that he deserves better than that. He tells him to take a day or a week or whatever to decide and he leaves. Good for David. 

Jen is now the one who is desperately trying to talk to CJ but he is not wanting to hear it and tells her to call the Help Line. So, she does and she puts her pinky and thumb out, holds it to her ear like a phone and says ring ring. He finally relents after she says it a few time, begging for help, and answers her. Jen says that she made a huge mistake and she has a tendency to self destruct things in her life. CJ says that boyfriends are supposed to be there, even when there is trouble because that's what a relationship is. Jen asks what she should do, just tell her problems and then he's still going to be there. CJ confirms and is hurt she doesn't trust him. She finally blurts out that her Grams is sick. She's been keeping it from her and it's the reason she broke up with his uncle and she's not sure what to do about anything so she had a freak out. CJ says she's allowed to freak out and he embraces her. Ok, so, in it's first run, I think I missed the key episodes and just saw moments like this where they seem really cute? Because this is how I remember him being but he kind of actually sucks most of the time. Still, this is nice and the only couple that seems to have actually made up in a semi healthy way.

I really wish this version of CJ is what we got through the whole season
This is the CJ that said there was more to her than she thought

Audrey finds Adam fucking Corolla again and asks him where Dr. Drew is. He says that he already went to the airport and reveals that he sticks around to see if he can get any "coed tail" which is absolutely disgusting both in terms of that outdated misogynistic term for women who go to college and the fact that he is so old and still trying to go for very young girls. You're so gross you make my skin crawl, Adam fucking Corolla. Audrey asks him if that works and he says no all sad like but good and I hope that's true because you're gross. I know it was supposed to be funny but I hate him so nothing about this is funny or entertaining. I just want him gone. 

Audrey goes looking for Joey or Jen but she's clearly been abandoned and is rightfully upset. Dr. Drew actually hasn't left for the airport and tells her she should manage her anger more productively. Mind your business Drew, she just got left alone at night as a young woman, that shit is terrifying. Audrey confesses that the rehab stuff was totally true and that her obsession with him is because listening to his show got her through her time in recovery and she thanks him for that. He offers her a ride home and she agrees, jokingly saying that they should keep their distance because she knows he's married. She asks if they have groupies and then says girls like that are annoying because haha, she was behaving like that all episode. Ugh.

And that's how we end this train wreck of an episode. Did you enjoy that? Did you have any fun? I sure hope you did because I sure didn't. I hated the set up of this. I hated the manufactured arguments to serve the purpose of their loser guest stars. I HATE Adam fucking Corolla and every minute he was on screen I cringed in disgust. I still can't get over how the writers shattered our hearts last episode and then thought THIS was a good follow up to Joey picking Eddie. Like why? Why would she go to him if she doesn't even fucking trust him? She absolutely shouldn't but that just makes it more frustrating to the viewer that she'd run to him. She broke Pacey's heart for this? To be in a relationship with a guy she isn't all that interested in having sex with because she doesn't trust that he'll stay? I hate it. I don't think I've ever been this mad at an episode of Dawson's Creek before. Not even the season 4 finale which was just kind of a boring let down. This was a mess and for what? To have topical "hip" guest stars on? That's not going to bring viewers in for the long term. They pissed off a huge portion of their audience and then give us this? Inexcusable. Joshua Jackson actually directed this episode and I'm so sorry this is the one they gave you. I place the blame of this horror show squarely on Kapinos who was the showrunner and probably came up with this lame brain idea to have the Loveline guys be on and I blame the writer, Jason M. Palmer for turning in a truly heinous script. Screw the both of you and this episode. I'm probably going to be even more pissed with next episode, Catch-22 but until then, I don't know watch something good to get your minds off this mess. I know I'm going to.