Original air date: April 10, 2012
I think I have made it very clear that this is not a Klaine friendly blog. Ok, it's more that this is a Klaine tolerant but very Blaine unfriendly blog. I'm sorry to his fans but I just cannot stand Darren Criss. I don't even think it's his fault entirely, per se. It's more that he's been shoved in my face and I'm told to believe he is the best most talented person ever and I just don't see the evidence to back that up. Does he have a nice voice? yes. Does he have stage appeal? Not really, no. Of course mileage may vary but to me, he's just ok. What made me hate him was every character insisting he's the best and sooo hot. I know I'm not alone, back in the IMDb days, you were either a mega Criss fan or you hated him. One of the biggest complaints I remember about Season 3 rumours was that if Blaine was added to New Directions, none of the other males would get a solo again. Judging from how many he got in Season 2 alone when he was not a main character, this fear was not unfounded. I have this theory that the writers took note of this complaint because they have definitely dialed him back a bit this year and I noticed something else. They seem to be trying to get you to feel bad for him by writing sympathy storylines for him. So, we start out with Finn hating him and shitting on everything he said at the start. Then we get this story where he's nearly blinded by a rival team (and everyone decided that the best way to handle it was beating them in a singing competition). Now we come to this episode that heavily features Blaine and his insecurities with his older brother.
Here's the thing, we barely know Blaine or his home life. We've never heard of his brother before. He's always been portrayed as confident and sure of himself so this comes across as desperate and not genuine. On the plus the sarcastic glee narration telling us that Quinn's "car got hit by a truck and that's what you missed on Glee!" which is such tonal whiplash brilliance that I have to respect it. On with the episode, finally.
Finn and Rachel are discussing how they actually didn't go through with their wedding because of Quinn's accident. They're sure they would have gone through with it if Quinn hadn't been in an accident and tell themselves they're ok with waiting. Finn suggests them having their wedding some place special after Nationals, since it's in Chicago but when she looks sad he tells her they don't have to do it in Wrigley's Field. Rachel says it's not that, she just can't stop thinking about Quinn. Hmm, Quinn is factoring a lot into Rachel's choices and thoughts lately. #Faberry
Quinn is actually coming down the hall at this moment. She's apparently perfectly fine, not a scratch on her but she's in a wheelchair. She's with Artie who looks a little too happy about her being in a wheelchair. Rachel says she missed Quinn, I bet she did, but Quinn is super happy that she's alive and here. Remarkably quick recovery and positive attitude she has going on. It's almost like, the writers didn't really consider what it's actually like for someone who survives a car accident, huh? She races Arite to the choir room and they perform a duet of Elton John's I'm Still Standing. I like this song and they do well but I don't trust that Glee isn't trying to make this a bit of a joke because they're in wheelchairs. I know I'm being uncharitable but this is Glee, after all. They finish the song and Quinn gets on the writer's soapbox by telling us that we should never text and drive, ever. It's a good message but this feels very heavy handed. Quinn assures everyone that her plumbing still works...why did she feel the need to tell us that? Why did the writers feel the need to put that in. That seems to be a recurring joke, I believe Artie made it too. At any rate, she tells us that the accident compressed her spine and thus she can't move her feet or legs. She also says that she is regaining feeling so with a lot of physio and prayer, she vows to be on stage, dancing for nationals. How much time is left in this school year? Where are we? Is she expecting to make a full recovery in a month? two? I don't even know but I can tell you that I simply twisted my ankle and it took me half a year to feel normal and now over a year later, I still feel where I sprained it. hurting your muscles/tendons/bones is no joke. I know she's young but if she's at the point where she can't move her legs, she's not going to be dancing in two months.
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| She's recovering remarkably well considering the everything she's been through |
Figgins is informing Sue that Roz will now be the Cheerio's co-captain. Sue is not pleased and asks how this could happen. Roz informs us that the Cheerios had Regionals and Sue was 15 minutes late which was unacceptable. Sue says she had a doctor's appointment and I get that being a pregnant person is super hard in the work force and there are some extremely unfair treatment and discrimination going on that I think they are attempting to highlight here but this is Sue. Sue was not the one you wanted to take on this role or spread this message because she sucks. She'd absolutely do the same thing to anyone else. She shoved a teacher down the stairs to get what she wants. Now we're supposed to have sympathy for her? On top of that, she would have known when Regionals were, it's a big deal. You can move around your appointments, I'm pretty sure but then, maybe it's hard to move something related to what Sue needs? I don't know much about IVF so timing could be an issue but I still have a hard time feeling sorry for Sue. Roz makes a joke about Sue having an adult baby again and Sue tells Figgins she can get them some Nationals cash. Apparently, Glee club's Nationals is before Cheerleading Nationals and Sue promises the Glee Club will win so that she will then get to coach the Cheerios alone. Meanwhile, the Cheerios will have been working with Roz and her routines this entire time. Perhaps she means for next year though.
We cut to Sue being a terror to the Glee kids at their dance classes. She calls Mercedes out for texting during the class so I guess she's still slacking off and learned nothing from earlier this season? Sue chucks her phone and yells at them all for being lazy. None of the kids are impressed. I will say that I laughed really hard at Brad the piano man's satisfied cheer when Sue threw Mercedes' phone away.
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| Aww, look how happy he is. You'll be free someday, Piano Man |
Will confronts Sue about her tactics during the dance classes but Sue is quite proud. Will reads out Kurt's complaint which says that Sue is worse than "Tabitha" and I am Sue in this scenario because I have no idea who Porcelain is talking about. Will thinks that she's going back to her bullying ways but Sue is just trying to prepare them because judging by their performances, they're past two wins were flukes. Look, she's not wrong. I still don't get how Harmony's team didn't win. Yeah, it was a solo and not a group but we're only seeing one performance from them when we know they get three so the others could have been group numbers. I digress but I'm still salty about that. MORE HARMONY WAS NEEDED. Will doesn't understand Sue because he thought she wanted to change. Sue says that she's super hormonal and finishing her first trimester of pregnancy so he shouldn't try to understand any of her actions since she's irrational and I really hate this. It feels like they're trying to say how difficult pregnancy can be but it's through the eyes of male writers who don't know what it's like and are clearly not equipped to talk about this. Men really love to say that women get "hormonal" during pregnancy and menstruation, to the point that they're "irrational" and "illogical". It's really infuriating for men to paint women this way just because they can't drum up an ounce of empathy to know what going through something like this would be like. It's also infuriating when they do something shitty to a pregnant or menstruating person and then act like it's hormones that are making the person mad. No, dude that was you being an asshole that made them angry. I'm sorry, tangent again but I hate this storyline so much. Will suggests she adjust her medication. Don't make me go on another rant, Glee. Sue says she will at her appointment where she finds out the sex of her baby. Emma finds out Sue is going alone and insists someone go with her so she volunteers herself and Will.
Kurt asks Blaine what's up with him because he seems distracted and Blaine mentions his brother is in town and going to take him to lunch. Kurt is excited to meet him and see what he looks like, since Blaine never talks about him. Presumably, he's also never been to Blaine's house and none of Blaine's family talks about him. Blaine is certain that Kurt has seen his brother and then sees his brother, Cooper coming down the hall. Kurt does indeed recognize him as the guy in the freecreditrating.com commercials and is ecstatic. The viewers may recognize Blaine's brother as Matt Bomer:
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| Pic for my friend, Zelda |
Sue comes in to fawn over him to and to ask him to sign her breast. I have never understood this move, it feels super weird and inappropriate. I mean, it's her body, I guess but odd to put that awkwardness on a stranger who may not want to sign your breast? Cooper does oblige her and she tells him that he's a Disney prince who deserves an Alan Menken musical about him. Blaine wants to talk to Cooper but he's pulled away by Sue. Blaine explains to Kurt that this is why he doesn't talk about Cooper much. Jealousy, got it.
The glee gang are meeting to discuss what they want to do for senior ditch day and they are all super excited about it. Everyone is throwing out their ideas but Rachel burst out an apology to Quinn because she feels like it was her fault that Quinn got hurt. She was rushing to Rachel's wedding and responding to Rachel's texts when it happened. Rachel says it isn't right that she's in a chair and it shouldn't be like this. Quinn says that it is how it is and she's not letting it get in the way of her fun. She tells Rachel the accident wasn't her fault and that she is not going to dwell on her accident and neither should any of them. She gives Rachel a hug and then suggests they all go to Six Flags. Everyone agrees with Quinn's suggestion.
Puck holds Finn back and pitches an idea to him. Puck wants to move to LA and expand his pool cleaning business and he wants Finn to be his business partner. Finn is sure he's going to go to New York with Rachel. Puck asks him to consider at least helping him with this one job that requires a jacuzzi to be fixed and think about it. Finn agrees.
Sue is talking to the glee dance class participants and says that she wants to show them what a real star looks like. Cooper comes out to much cheering and fanfare and tells them that he's going to offer them a master class in acting. Everyone is excited. Cooper and Blaine are then asked to do a duet. Blaine doesn't want to but Kurt insists because they're both so good and handsome and I'm about to puke. They sing Duran Duran's Hungry Like the Wolf and it then blends into Rio. I'm not big into Blaine or Duran Duran. I'm also not feeling Cooper, I'm sorry to my friend who loves Matt Bomer. I'm sure he's great but Glee has this way of making everything not good. He's very pretty just doesn't really do anything for me. Nice voice though.
Blaine and Cooper are hanging out with his friends who are all very interested in Cooper. Cooper pulls Blaine aside and tells him that he did pretty good with the Duran Duran song but like, his dancing didn't have a theme. Blaine blows a gasket over how Cooper only ever criticizes him and we flashback to them as younger kids dancing to Mmm Bop, and he's telling Blaine he's off beat when Blaine just learned to walk. Blaine looks like 4 or 5 here so I guess he's a late bloomer. Cooper doesn't remember being like this and says sorry if he was like that but that's not a real apology. He does say he wants to get to know Blaine, since there is a large age gap between them and Blaine agrees he'd like that too. Cooper urges him to go to his master class. I know that Cooper is supposed to be obnoxious but I really don't feel like he's a horrible brother or that it's all his fault? Maybe I just don't like Blaine though and therefore don't care? That could definitely be it too.
Artie takes Quinn to the back of the school where there is a large and steep access ramp. It's apparently the steepest in Lima and he insists that Quinn go up it. She isn't sure and doesn't want to but Artie pressures her to do it. She struggles up while he shouts encouragement and I think this is supposed to be cute but Artie has lost all goodwill with me as a character so it just doesn't work for me. To further illustrate this to me, he immediately starts telling Quinn how much Six Flags is going to suck for her now that she's in a wheelchair and I get it. He's trying to be helpful but the way he acts and the way he's been written before, it comes off more like Artie trying to cut her off from everyone. I think it's because no matter what, whether it's realistic or not, this show has always shown Artie participating in what everyone else is doing. Jumping on mattresses in Mattress? Yep, he just laid there. Jumping into the pool for Will's weird proposal thing? Yup, he died no one knows why he's still here. Now suddenly, he's not going to go and he wants Quinn to hang out with only him? It feels like ulterior motives. He tells her that she should go with him instead and it will be incredible and she agrees.
We next get to see Cooper's acting master class and it's full of stupid advice because the writers really want him to be an obnoxious know it all so that you like Blaine. Not working because I can dislike both of them at the same time. I'm a multitasker. Blaine is the only one to call out Cooper's advice as being terrible and he's right, pointing dramatically and not paying attention to what your scene partner is doing is stupid, bad advice but Blaine sucks so, I feel nothing here. Cooper asks a few kids to do a scene together and when Blaine delivers his line, Cooper says that he didn't believe he was serious because he wasn't pointing. Honestly, Matt Bomer is killing it here and even though he's supposed to be an obnoxious know it all, he's at least funny and has great delivery. Blaine tries to get mad because he thinks Cooper should be supporting him but Cooper doesn't know if he's talking to him because he isn't pointing his finger. Ok, he's officially more likable than Blaine. Hotter too. Petition to replace Blaine with Cooper for the rest of this show, he can also replace Will and be the new show choir coach. It's never going to happen but I can dream.
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| More Matt Bomer for my friend |
Finn and Puck are helping Mrs. Tennison out with her jacuzzi and she acts very gross with them but it's funny because cougar? Anyway, Puck says that she's considered ugly in California. The way guys talk about women is so incredibly gross. There's always this tinge of value and ratings on it. How empty must people's lives be to view people and relationships as like numbers and transactions. I hate it. Finn doesn't want to go to LA though because he's going to New York with Rachel. Puck, actually spouts some truth to Finn about considering his own future for once. I'm not saying that he can tell Rachel that they should move to LA but he sure as hell should start considering what he wants. They're young and they should be free to follow their own paths in life. Maybe they would end up together or maybe not, it's fine. They're so young. You don't have to get married right out of high school or when you're still in high school. Puck is right that Finn should consider what he wants.
Sue is nervous because she doesn't like the thought of a boy being inside her because they're gross. She's really hoping for a girl. Luckily, the doctor comes in and tells her she is having a girl but that there were some irregularities in the tests. We don't get to find out what the irregularities are yet though.
We cut instead to Cooper telling Blaine that he's got an audition for a Michael Bay movie. Blaine is more upset that he got called Squirt. Again, I feel like we're supposed to be on Blaine's side but I just don't care, Cooper is entertaining. Cooper is hoping it will be a Transformers movie. Blaine just kind of oks him and Cooper gets upset that he doesn't seem happy for him. Cooper then makes a comment about Kurt picking out his clothes and Blaine can barely manage a stammered, he doesn't so you know that Kurt totally does. Cooper then suggests that they do senior ditch day together and run lines. Blaine loses it, saying it's all about him always and he's sick of it. He throws a big baby tantrum while singing Christina Aguilera's Fighter and leaves his brother in the dust. There's a montage of their kid selves fighting or something but look, I don't like Blaine and this is such a Blaine heavy episode and literally all the songs are him or Artie and Quinn. Cut me some slack.
Finn bumps into Quinn who asks him what he's doing. Finn admits that he was "texting while walking" and Quinn shames him saying that texting while walking is exactly how she started. This is too funny and I know, it's serious. You shouldn't text while driving or use your phone while driving, it is dangerous but this framing is just too funny. Finn promises he will never text while walking again and asks if she's still up for Six Flags. Quinn says that she and Artie are out and going to have their own senior ditch day and Artie just looks so smug about it. Yuck.
Sue is in her office when she calls out Becky for lurking in the doorway. She asks her to come in and tell her what she wants. Becky heard about her baby. Damn, Will and Emma have loose lips. Sue confirms that she's having a girl and that she's going to be just like Becky, just like her. So, this confirms that her baby will have Downs Syndrome. She hugs Becky who asks if she can give Sue some parenting advice. Becky tells her to work on her patience and Sue gets a bit of "oh shit" face. This is true, you need so much patience as a parent.
Artie has taken Quinn to a skate park and claims this is where they like to go on skip days and that they call it "CripSkip". I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no one calls it that, but whatever Artie. Quinn isn't sure she's ready for this but Artie insists that she is. He launches into a song, Up Up Up by the Givers and Quinn joins in. We get alternating shots of the glee kids riding on a roller coaster cut with shots of the wheelchair kids riding around in the skate park. Quinn eventually goes down a large ramp and has a blast. Artie says he wanted to show her people like her having fun but Quinn says they aren't like her because her condition is only temporary. Artie tells her he's been where she is and she should start facing the fact that this is her life now. Harsh.
We next find Quinn struggling to get books from her locker and dropping them to the floor. Joe comes over to help her pick them up and suggests her getting a lower locker but Quinn says that this is her locker and always has been and will be until she graduates. Joe offers to walk her to class and says he's been praying for her. Quinn says she's praying to walk again too but Joe clarifies that he doesn't pray for her to walk again but for her to accept whatever journey God's put her on. Quinn is not pleased with this and honestly, I wouldn't either. Some people take comfort from God and that's fine, you do you and I know Quinn finds comfort in God but I've always found it really irksome when people say stuff like "this is God's plan for you" like that's supposed to make you feel better. If God's plan was for me to lose my grandparents way too soon and to lose sight in one eye then honestly? Fuck God. That's a horrible thing to say that God wants for me. Quinn apologizes but honestly, she was right to be angry at that remark because it's not what she needs to hear. He can pray for her acceptance, he just didn't need to tell her that in that way. Quinn asks him what he's doing after school.
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| You know, I actually won The Glee Project? |
We cut to Quinn then introducing Joe as part of the glee club now because the writers finally remembered, oh yeah, I guess this guy was the winner of The Glee Project so maybe we should have him, I don't know, be in the show? He doesn't get to sing though. Nah, we gave all his songs and screen time to the runner up winner Rory. Oops. This whole Glee Project mess will never not be confusing or funny to me. The glamorous life of winning! If you win the Glee Project, you too can have a creepy, pervy character and sway in the background. Maybe you'll get a few lines too! Sue takes the floor to be very un-Sue and apologize for her behaviour towards them. She says that she came here for two reasons, so Will would have at least one adult friend (Lol! but also, Shannon is his friend, where did she go?) and to have her baby soak up some of their optimism and decency. She promises not to be so hard on them, if they promise to work their butts off and win Nationals. Cool.
Kurt has a stuffed dog that he's named Margaret Thatcher dog and makes it say that his relationship with the Queen was "ruff" which is an understatement but I admire the pun. Kurt says that Finn won it for him but actually Rachel kept making him win stuffed animals and Kurt just kind of took one because she had a ton. He wants Blaine to have it since they couldn't convince him to go with them. Blaine was worried he would bring them down. Kurt says that it's hard with brothers but that he should at least try. I'm still not overly sure what the conflict is. His brother is a bit self involved and doesn't tell him he has no flaws? Blaine says that he talks but Cooper doesn't listen so Kurt suggests he shows him because he's waiting in the auditorium for him.
Blaine shows up and starts singing Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye which is a very awkward song to sing to a relative. It's not quite as awkward as the mother/daughter duet about bluffing with their muffins but this is a song about a bad breakup. And here's the thing, the song really works way better as a duet. One person sings their side, then the rebuttal comes. It was set up for that beautifully and wouldn't it have been nice to get more Matt Bomer on the song as well as maybe some things that explained why they were distanced from Cooper's side? It's all about Blaine but like, Cooper is clearly way older than Blaine so he'd probably have some feelings of jealousy for a little brother that was maybe getting more attention from their parents? They couldn't give us that? It was all Cooper being mean to Blaine? Alright. Cooper only joins in at the last few "somebody" parts and then he tells Blaine that it's the best he's ever sounded. He admits that he was tough on Blaine and maybe more than he needed to be but guys, it's ONLY because he sees how insanely talented and perfect Blaine is. And he's not jealous of that, no he wants Blaine to be as successful as he can be because he's going to do it all! He's gonna get movies and tv and all that and you want to know the most upsetting and annoying part of this speech? Darren has done movies and tv and concerts and Broadway. So, jokes on me, I guess. Blaine still sucks though. Blaine is happy that Cooper finally realizes how amazing he is and knows he's telling the truth because he wasn't pointing his finger or speaking really loudly. I'm going to be bitchy because he annoys me but here it is, Darren is not good at sounding natural when delivering lines. Cooper admits that he didn't get the Michael Bay audition after all so Blaine does talk him up but this feels like such a hollow and one-sided argument that really doesn't serve to tell me anything about Blaine or his home life. But they make up and agree to stay connected with each other and hug it out. Blaine then says he's going to record an audition to send to Michael Bay to show he's good for the part.
Rachel asks Finn how he thinks she did in Cooper's master class. Finn says she was great and she would have gotten the part if it were real. Rachel mentions the NYADA scout that will be coming soon and says she thinks she's ready. Finn asks her if she's thought about what he'd do in New York and she gets a kind of confused face and then says that they'll figure it out together. Finn says he needs to start thinking about what's next for him and mentions moving to LA because he could provide for her there and she can audition for acting jobs. Rachel asks what he's doing because he's throwing a wrench into her entire plans. Finn says the conversation about the future has been a little one-sided and says that even Cooper says that Hollywood is where you want to be. Rachel shakes her head at this because she doesn't want to be a Hollywood actress, she wants to be on Broadway. Finn wants her to start thinking about his dreams for a change and she says that she cares but that she needs to be in New York and she wants him there with her. Finn tells her that she needs to be sure she's in love with him and not who she wants him to be. That's a super fair point. Neither of them are wrong here, they both need to pursue their own dreams and that means, they're probably going to need to break up.
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| Trust me, Rachel. It's for the best |
That's how we leave the episode and it's kind of a big nothing. They didn't really focus on Quinn or her trauma enough which is nothing new. Next thing you know they'll be telling her "God! So what, you survived a car crash and were paralyzed for a bit. Get over it!" because everyone on this show is the worst to Quinn. Also, I really didn't care about the Blaine/Cooper conflict because I hate Blaine and don't care that he feels like his brother doesn't give him enough adulation for how amazing he is and gag me that the resolution is his brother giving him said adulation about being the bestest ever. The show also wants me to be sad that Rachel and Finn could be over but I don't really. I think it's the healthiest and best thing for them to break up. I'm not really the target for this relationship though so your mileage may vary. Next Glee recap will be on Saturday Night Glee-ver which I'm assuming is a disco themed episode.
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