Dawson's Creek - 613 - Rock Bottom

 Original air date: January 29, 2003

Welcome back, folks. Sorry for the delay but it's summer and I took a week to go to my parent's cabin and swim. It was delightful but now, it's time to gear up the canoe to traverse the murky dramatic waters of Dawson's Creek again. When we last left off, Audrey lost her band, Pacey is possibly getting set up by his boss and satan himself, Ray Wise, and Joey dumped Eddie because he's a useless and cowardly tool who bailed on her when he thought things were getting too hard for him. How is the gang going to fare this week? Let's see.

Joey is packing for Audrey to go to rehab because Joey is a good friend but also, Audrey is kind of useless. You can't help someone get better, they have to want to get better themselves so Joey is kind of doing a pointless thing right now. Sure hope something happens to make Audrey see the light since apparently, running a car through someone's house and losing your singing gig are not big enough rock bottoms yet. Audrey is whining about going to rehab while Joey informs us she almost died. Joey tells her that she needs to get better and says she packed a bunch of InStyle magazines and some video tapes with recordings of Trading Spaces on them. I used to love watching Trading Spaces, the designers sometimes went super weird with people's houses and I lived for their looks of horror when they saw how dumb their house now looked. There was one where, in a house with kids, the designer decided it would be cool to glue hay to the wall? Hay that was still loose enough you could pick it off. Wonderful. Audrey is super appreciative and thanks Joey before she heads out the door where she stops and sighs. Uhoh. 

She's definitely not done fucking up

Joey is waiting for a paper to finish printing as she gathers her coat. When it's ready, she packs it and heads for the door where Eddie is standing smugly. Joey isn't having it and I am proud of her, for now. She asks him what he wants. He says he wants to say goodbye but she snarks that saying goodbye isn't his style. Eddie makes a gross comment about how she's really sexy when she's angry at him which is a thing men need to stop. For fucking seriously stop sexualizing women's anger and actually fucking listen to them. You may think it's a compliment but it actually serves to tell us you don't care why we're mad or if you did something to hurt us and make us mad. You're saying you don't care because your sexual satisfaction comes first and should be enough for us to be not angry anymore. That solves nothing. Notice, no sorry for what he did or acknowledgement he knows why she's pissed. I hate this so much. He tells her he's going to California so she wishes him luck. He asks her for a hug, she gives it to him, much to my annoyance, and he kisses her forehead. I usually like that move a lot but this is Eddie and he doesn't deserve it or any kudos for giving a forehead kiss. Boy, BYE.

Fortunately, this is interrupted by a call from Audrey's parents. She did not arrive at the airport and now Joey has to ask Eddie for a favour. She has to, the plot dictates that this asshole sticks around for the whole episode instead of leaving ages ago like everyone wanted. 

Meanwhile, Dawson, remember him? Anyway, he's on set trying to reshoot his mentor's movie which is a weird mash up of the most 90s thing (it's called Wicked Death) and yet trying to actually be the most 70s thing and I don't think they can decide what they want which could be part of the problem with this thing. Anyway, no one is taking him seriously which is totally fair and I live for people mocking Dawson and making him cry so this is glorious but I'm about to go on a bit of a rant here. So, his Director of Photography or DP, is asking him what shot he wants and mocks Dawson's choice of dueling overs, then tells Dawson to go to film school longer which is totally fair. This cues Natasha to join in on the Dawson bashing. I'm all for this but I know that the writers want us to hate the DP and Natasha too for this. I know they want us to feel bad for Dawson and I just don't because do you want to know what her complaint is? Her complaint, aside from her saying his rewrites suck (lol) is that her character has to get naked. Dawson acts like this is no big and says he'll shoot it "tastefully" like this is no big deal but it kind of is? I know people like seeing tits in movies, horror especially but never has it been necessary and this is her reputation on the line here. If she shows her tits for some sub par horror movie, chances are, she's not coming back from that and not being launched to mainstream success. She's going to be type cast, and put in that role forever. She'll be the sexy girl who shows her tits on camera. I am very purposefully using that word because that's how Dawson put it, in clean tv terms of T&A. It's very ballsy for a guy to tell a girl that she has to get naked because executives want it for a little gratuitous T&A like it's nothing when it's not his body on the line. Like, Natasha is not great but every time they want to make her the villain, I either don't understand where it came from like in Merry Mayhem or she's just not the villain at all. I understand Dawson would be under pressure from those executives to get those shots but he's still not the good guy here. Natasha signed on for a role with no nudity, changing that up on her is not fair and it's very gross for people to tell her she has to just so people have something to leer at. Maybe just make a good horror movie and you won't need T&A? 

Grams is getting dropped off by Clifton Smalls (but we don't see him) and she is very pissed. Jen asks her what's up and what's up is that he wants her to convert to Judaism. I...thought they met at a church thing? Did I misremember that? Now he's Jewish? This feels very flimsy and it's just to set up this new thing that I really hate. Jen tries to have some solidarity with Grams by saying Clifton Smalls sucks but Grams gets sad and says that he's a wonderful man but now they're broken up. Remember when Clifton Smalls was supposed to be this hopeful thing for the girls when their love lives sucked? Oops. 

Joey and Eddie pull up to some place but I have no clue how they knew that Audrey was here. Did they track her phone? How did they know she was here at this random place? Anyway, Joey knocks on the door and Seth Rogan answers. Now, first time watcher me was so fucking excited when I saw he was here. If you don't know, both Busy and Seth were on Freaks and Geeks which is probably one of my favourite shows. It got cancelled and, at the time, they were just gone and it was sad so when they popped up here together, it was like a mini reunion. I was so excited that I think I missed the fact that this whole episode just sucks. It's kind of like how when Knocked Up finally rolled around and was an even bigger Freaks and Geeks reunion that I enjoyed that one too and then tried to go back and realized it was the most boring and annoying movie, I could barely get through it again. This is that feeling, like oh...oh no this sucks actually. Nostalgia can really cloud you, is my point. Especially now that Seth is this mega star and even Busy has done lots of stuff. They weren't as around back then so this was novel and I just wanted my Freaks and Geeks gang back. 

Of course there's a cloud of pot smoke surrounding him as he opens the door.
They knew why they hired him.

Anyway, here he is Bob. Bob has slept with Audrey and he's very sloppy so it's basically Knocked Up but Audrey doesn't get pregnant. Just, you know, hot blonde sleeps with sloppy fat guy because that's funny. I guess. Bob tells Joey that Audrey is "in the crapper" and that she went there a while ago. Joey bursts in to find Audrey motionless in the bathtub and she gets a horrified and sad look on her face. Then Audrey moves and she screams, so Audrey screams and then everyone is screaming and Eddie averts his eyes as she stands up. Joey gets her a towel to cover herself and asks why she isn't in rehab. Audrey is back to being bitchy, even though earlier she was all appreciative of Joey and saying she loved her so, this is fun to go through this again. I guess it's realistic? Joey insists she go to rehab but Audrey refuses so Joey says that she should come with them to LA since Eddie is driving out there so she can at least clear her head. Audrey agrees to go but only if they bring Bob. Joey reluctantly agrees and then Bob gets creepy and gross about sleeping with Joey and also Audrey's breasts and how she rubs lotion on herself. Joy. 

We next cut to what looks like is supposed to be edgy impromptu mini camcorder footage of the four of them on a road trip. The music doesn't match and the footage is jarring because who is supposed to be filming this? None of them have a camcorder at all so it just comes across as a cheap looking gimmick rather than fun travel footage because you're left wondering who is recording. Joey notices Eddie looking at her and asks him what's up. He whines about her not talking for 4 hours and has the gall to say that she should say thank you because it's basic human kindness. You know, like the kindness he showed her by bailing without a word? That guy expects kindness from Joey. I hate him. Joey tells him off for this too but before they can get into a fight, Audrey wakes up. Now, the original music has been replaced and it's playing some weird generic country sounding thing which is funny because Audrey complains that the "classic rock has got to go". There are 2 things wrong with that sentence, the first because the music is replaced making the statement funny that Audrey appears to not know the difference between rock and country but the second thing wrong is that Audrey seems to be a classic rock fan if she was singing Blondie and the like but sure, she doesn't like it. Bob then cuts through the silence with a loud fart that stinks up the whole car which really doesn't feel like the type of thing this show would do, you know? But here we are, stinky fart humour because Bob is gross. That's the joke. he also hits on Audrey in a gross way because again, that's the joke. Audrey tells him he has to get better at sex and they argue about that, much to Joey and Eddie's annoyance.

Dawson is panicking internally on set when Heather comes up to him and asks how things are going. He says fine but she sees right through that BS and tells him that he's basically on the verge of being fired if he can't get his shit together and get the shots done for them like he promised. She leaves and Natasha comes up for her turn to abuse Dawson. Is it weird that I'm enjoying this? She caught him trying to call Todd for help and mocks him for not being able to handle things. She then asks about her scene in which her character info dumps a lot of exposition. Dawson says that they need the exposition to explain the things they cut, if that's how they're saving this turd then it's going to be a turd regardless. Natasha is right that exposition dump dialogue usually sucks. I can only imagine how much it sucks being written by Dawson. She is refusing to say it because she thinks it can all be accomplished with a look. That might be a bit much but better than a long monologue, I guess. She walks off and now it's the DP's turn to be a dick. He asks Dawson if this is the shot he wants and Dawson confirms, asking if he likes it. The DP just laughs and walks away. Oh my god, this is gold. This is all I've ever wanted.

I will never tire of people mocking Dawson or this gif.
I love it

At a gas station, Audrey is standing on the hood of Eddie's car. He asks her to get down but she's not having it and tells him his car is a piece of crap. Eddie acknowledges it's not great but says it's all he has so she says it sucks to be him. Eddie asks Joey if it's wrong to hit girls which Joey says it sadly is. I know it's in jest but that question would be a red flag to me. Just because it says that hitting people is his one recourse of solving problems, like with Heston. Audrey tells him he'd look hot as a gas jockey and suggests that for his next profession. She's being over the top mean but I probably would be to him to after what he did to my friend, though Audrey doesn't have much space to judge considering what she's done to all of her friends. Joey tells her she isn't funny and says that Eddie is doing her a huge favour. Audrey points out that Eddie sucks and she's very not wrong but the episode is trying really hard to get us to like him, for some reason. Audrey finds out that Joey has been talking to her mom and tells her that she's never going to rehab and calls Joey out for using this trip as a way to hang out with Eddie again. She gets into the car where Bob is presumably hot boxing, a joke I think was more amusing when I was younger because his character on Freaks and Geeks was a bit of a pothead but now just kind of grates my nerves. I still love Freaks and Geeks, just the whole "I'm a schlubby pothead" thing has been done to death and I'm sick of it. Joey goes to apologize to Eddie and while they're talking, Audrey speeds off with his car, ripping the gas hose out. Yikes.

We get to see Jen this episode! I still hate her hair, it looks like a racer helmet. It's not doing her face shape any favours. Who did she piss off to get this done to her? She can absolutely rock short hair but I don't know what this is. It's just awful. Speaking of awful, CJ is here too. Jen is complaining that it's too quiet at the help line but CJ wants to enjoy the quiet. Jen wonders out loud if her Grams will call since she's very sad and broken hearted about Clifton Smalls. CJ knows what that's like because his Uncle Bill's wife died the year before and was devastated. Jen asks if he's single but CJ warns her that his uncle is weird and watches lots of porn. Jen says Grams is a freak though and argues they should set them up. I love you, Jen, but this is a terrible idea. 

Eddie and Joey are walking down the road while he tries to hitchhike and fails. He suggests Joey try it but she refuses because she doesn't want to get murdered. He then says how crazy it is that his car has been stolen and he's stuck in the middle of nowhere with someone who hates him. Joey says she doesn't hate him but they are supposed to be over. Eddie insinuates that it's not over and I'm going to say it again, I hate him. Joey is scared she can't help Audrey and then mentions that she said that this trip was more about her. Eddie asks how that is and Joey admits she's having a hard time letting him go. Joey, you are the only one, I am begging you to kick his ass out the door, here. Joey is sure that he doesn't care about her, since he did completely bail without telling her and Eddie confesses his love for her all gushy like. Thankfully, Joey isn't buying it and tells him flat out that she can't compute someone loving her and treating her the way he did. Good, Joey. Hang on to that. Please.

Dawson is leaning over a trash can looking like he's going to puke his guts out when Natasha comes up to him. She mocks him for getting sick and Dawson whines about how his life's ambition is about to fall apart before his eyes. Natasha says that he has to earn people's respect because he's not back home making silly movies with his silly friends. Yeah, Dawson really got by because his friends were willing to do so much work for him for free. She tells him to get his shit together and if anyone asks, he has the flu. Dawson thanks her for the advice and seems to be gaining a bit of confidence back.

Jen, CJ, Grams, and Uncle Bill are at an awkward as hell dinner together. Bill asks what Grams does for fun and she tells him she likes to go to Vegas to gamble and mentions going with her church group. Bill is not happy with this and asks if she's one of those "religious broads". Grams confirms she's religious but asks him not to call her a broad because it's demeaning to women. Bill said it to his wife twice a day for years and Grams is not impressed. Me either. Ugh, I forgot just how much Bill sucks. What the fuck is up with every single guy added this season being the absolute worst? They're all rivaling Dawson in sheer toxic awfulness. Bill complains loudly about there being a pubic hair in his soup and Grams mutters that he's disgusting. Hard agree. Bill then calls her out for muttering things under her breath and tells her she should see a doctor to pull the ice berg from her butt. Grams looks like she's going to cry and Jen asks if she's ok but then it turns out she's laughing and everyone quickly and awkwardly joins in. I...don't understand how Grams found that charming. I get what they were going for here, that he kind of jarred her into having fun but like...no. No thank you. I don't talk to people that way and I expect that same level of courtesy. I also don't find Bill charming enough to pull something like that off. 

This guy sucks and Grams deserves better

Dawson comes back to find the DP making an entirely different shot. He calls him out and Frank just laughs and tells him his shot was lame and the new one will kick ass. I mean, why do I think Frank is right here? He's being a jerk., for sure, but I just know Dawson is picking the most boring shots of all time because I've seen what he has to offer and it's all flat television back and forth shots and maybe a few mid shots. Dawson sees the assistant DP and asks him if he could DP the shot. The guy says he could so Dawson turns around and fires Frank. Another crew member laughs and Dawson points at him and says he's next. He then says that if anyone has a problem with him as the director, they can get off the set and stop wasting his time. He hands the script to Natasha and tells her to familiarize herself with the lines because unless she wants to keep everyone from their families, she'll say every word without question. Natasha smiles, looking impressed. Dawson sits down and Heather tells him he has no idea how close he was to being fired but she's clearly happy with how he's handling things now. I will admit this, as much as I loved people shit talking Dawson, him standing up for himself was pretty badass. There, I said a nice thing about Dawson. I can be charitable sometimes.

Audrey is singing Total Eclipse of the Heart in a karaoke bar while Bob is passed out at the counter. She finishes up and immediately is approached by some trucker dude with a mullet. He asks if she wants to see his ride and she willingly goes. Outside she compliments his truck and then tries to go back into the bar but he stops her. He wants a kiss but she refuses and then it becomes clear he's a rapist. She fights him off and starts attacking him. Coincidentally, Eddie and Joey happen to walk by and see this and run over to her. Audrey apologizes to Joey and says she thinks she's ready to go to rehab. THIS? This was her rock bottom? Almost getting raped when she didn't even really seem that buzzed? I mean, I guess this could be but I would assume driving through a house and getting kicked out of your band would have been the tipping point so this just seems weak in comparison. Glad she's going to get help though.

A cab pulls up to the Lindley house but Grams and Bill decide to take a walk together because they are suddenly very into each other. CJ and Jen are left to wonder over the fact that their set up worked. Jen wishes she could figure out her own love life so easily. CJ thinks she does fine but Jen points out that the last guy she liked, slept with her friend. CJ looks suitably embarrassed and then says that if he knew her then like he does now, that wouldn't have happened. Jen asks why and he says that he couldn't bear to hurt someone so amazing. Uh, but you were fine with hurting her before? I'm sorry, are the writers on crack here? Because I thought the whole thing was that he saw how amazing she was from the start, saw she's kind and would be great at helping people but that wasn't enough? And now I'm supposed to be swooned here because he's saying NOW he wouldn't do it? Yuck. Also, where did this come from? He seemed mostly annoyed with her when we saw them before. He didn't give a hint of liking her and now he's changed his mind? Why? Jen is more won over than me because he goes to kiss her and she pulls away jokingly only to say she's kidding and goes back in for a long kiss. Nope. Don't like this.

Dawson wraps up the movie shoot and sits down in his director's chair as everyone disperses. Natasha comes up and starts to massage his shoulders. Dawson apologizes for yelling at her but she tells him not to be because she kind of liked it. She then asks if he wants to get a drink.

Audrey, Joey, Eddie, and Bob pull up to Audrey's house. It's huge and Joey seems surprised but like, she talks about how rich she is all the time. They went to her parent's vacation mansion in Florida for Spring Break. How are you surprised, Joey? Audrey makes a comment about tipping Eddie when he pulls her bags out of the car and then she apologizes to him. They both agree the other isn't so bad and Eddie wishes that Joey didn't think he was so bad too. Audrey tells him that she does care and that he will go down as one of the great loves of Joey's life and I'm just like.

This but HIM?

Eddie sucks so fucking badly that he should be in the bottom of the men she's dated and she dated Dawson. That's how much I hate Eddie. Anyway, Audrey goes to say goodbye to Joey. They hug and acknowledge how they're good friends which is nice but I'm not sure how Joey's buying it after being burned a few times by Audrey now. Audrey tells Joey it's time to let Eddie go now. Eddie says they have to go and Audrey urges them all to go. Bob wakes up but none of them know what to do with him. Audrey decides to bring him with her and tell her parents they got married in Vegas to freak them out. They go inside, leaving Eddie and Joey alone. 

Dawson comes out of the shower to find Natasha packing her bags. He's chill this time though and even when she says that they could maybe get together in a few weeks, Dawson tells her it's ok and that they shouldn't make promises they won't keep. They had fun and that's all this is. Natasha is happy with that and says that she has a feeling he's going to be successful and she wonders if she was wrong about him because watching him take control, she'd never felt prouder of someone...or perhaps she was just turned on. Someone turned on by Dawson? I don't buy it. Anyway, they part ways and she tells him that there will be other actresses he sleeps with but that she was the first so he shouldn't forget that. He promises not to and I guess, that's the end of Natasha. 

In the most annoying scene of all time, Joey and Eddie say their goodbyes to each other. Eddie is scared and wants to run back to Boston and even though Joey wants him to, she also knows he'll be great and should stay. Eddie thinks they shouldn't be over yet and asks to meet up in a year. He suggests they meet in Paris, since she's never been and he doesn't want it to just be something she could have done. Joey thinks it's a nice daydream but Eddie tells her it doesn't have to be a dream. Joey says that in case they don't make it to Paris, she wants him to know she'll never forget him and tells him he's the sweetest, nicest surprise that's ever happened to her. Again, I point to the above gif because him? Seriously? This guy? The guy that negged you at every turn, condescended to you, played hot and cold? This is the guy who is sweet and nice? The guy who was shady about his family, uninvited you to Christmas with this family right after inviting you, then bailed on you without a word? THIS is one of the greatest loves of Joey Potter's life? What exactly did he do that was so great that she thinks this highly of him because I sure as hell didn't see it. Maybe bringing a real Christmas tree for her but that's like the only thing I can think of. He was pretty meh or terrible other than that. I'm just so mad that this asshat is supposed to be this great love of hers and meanwhile, Pacey is right there, silently pining in the background for her. Nope, does not compute. They hug and kiss until the episode is over and I wish to god, this was the last we'd see of Eddie Doling but he's not done fucking up our lives quite yet. Our next episode is Clean and Sober which brings me so achingly close to Castaways that I can barely contain myself.