Original air date: September 20, 2011
Happy New Year, dear readers and happy new season of Glee! Taking that prolonged break was a very good idea it seems because I'm entering this season fresh and not pissed off from season 2 and also this is an actually good episode? I'm as shocked as you are but it left me pumped for this season and it's all thanks to one particular person. Let's figure out who and jump right in.
Admittedly, the episode didn't start off promising as we are once again subjected to the worst side character in the history of side characters, Jacob Ben Israel. He's doing his usual interviewing of our cast members in what I can only assume is the only way Ryan Murphy knows how to open a season now. It's as if he thinks that tv shows operate the way a new school year does where everyone has to explain what they did on their summer vacation. No one cares. You can skip this, Ryan. But I will add points to Jacob for saying that Finn is a mediocre quarterback and glee club lead. They acknowledge it but they're never really going to do anything about it because they're in too deep with Finn now. The other thing they wanted to clarify was who is going to graduate and who is going to not graduate this year.
Apparently, Tina and Artie are Juniors and Mike is a Senior. Which means, they are writing him out after this year because he's "not popular" but actually they just never bothered to write for him because people fucking love Harry Shum Jr. I'm one of them. Rachel and Kurt are also seniors and they both plan to go to New York to pursue their Broadway dreams.
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| I wish teen shows developed friendships more |
Next we interview Mercedes. Remember last season when they teased that she and Sam were secretly dating for some reason? Yeah, forget that, she's with some other guy now. Some other guy is a football player or something. I don't know, I don't care. I do think it's funny that they just once again abandon plot threads they set up because they are lazy, lazy, trash writers. We next come to Santana who just talks about being head cheerleader for Senior year. Brittany makes a comment about inventing a time machine but doesn't confirm her status. If I remember correctly, she's supposed to be a Junior.
Finn has no plans and no idea what to do because he's clueless and has no personality beyond...football? Maybe? Glee sometimes? Hapless boyfriend, maybe? He's bland. He also gets slushied and called a "glee-atch" which got a nice sensible chuckle from me. Just a brief "heh" of acknowledgement.
We next cut to the worst sight ever, Will in bed with Emma, trying to be sexy. I feel like I need to file a restraining order every time Will comes on screen. Like no, stop trying to be sexy, all the time. It's funny that I thought he was cute at one point but anytime a guy knows he's cute but then escalates it to hot and sexy in his mind and continuously tries to make you think he is the hottest thing on Earth? Yeah, that's when he becomes the least desirable human on the planet to me. Just, a world of no. I've rambled so long, I forgot what the scene is even supposed to be. Oh god, no I reread what happened and I know why I was trying to avoid it. Do you know what he says when Emma wakes up? DO YOU KNOW?? Well, you're going to because if I had to hear it and read it, you have to experience the trauma too.
Will: Rise and Shine, sleepyhead. Guess who woke up right before I did?
NO. God no. NOOOOOOOO! Is he seriously shocked that Emma noped right the fuck out of that bed to brush her teeth? I would too if that's how my partner woke me up. EWWWW. How does he make morning sex sound so gross and unappealing? It's a talent he has.
We go from here to the show choir room where Will has made them place all their tropheys on the floor so he can shame them for coming in 12th place and they're still trying to blame their placing on Rachel and Finn's kiss. Man, I'm the most ardent Rachel and Finn disliker but come on, the fact that you showed up to Nationals without a setlist, without even any songs written yet is why you lost. Can we stop pretending a kiss undid you? We also learn that they're down three members. Which means that Sam Evans is gone which I completely forgot they tried to do because I know for a fact he's not gone and stays to the end of the show which leads me to wonder....did they try to write him out and fans got pissed? (Side note: Yes this is what happened. I asked my good friend, Lucas and he confirmed that they wrote Sam out because Chord wanted to be a regular and Ryan Murphy was like "you're not Darren Criss" and cut him from the show. I'm paraphrasing but we all know in our hearts that this is what happened, right?) We have also lost Lauren Zizes who has also dumped Puck, I guess they were done with the fat jokes? And we've lost Quinn who no one has apparently seen. I feel like this "no one has seen her" plot point was supposed to tie in with the dropped BIG PLANS New York plot but we'll never know because it never happened. The point is, they need to recruit new members and to do this, Will has concocted a plan. He has fixed up and painted three pianos purple that he is going to place around the school Whenever they see one, they have to drop what they're doing and sing. This way they'll get practice and lure in new recruits. Theoretically.
We next find Kurt and Rachel in Emma's office. They're holding hands and have a big announcement so Emma assumes they're dating and hands them a "Me and my Hag" pamphlet which gets another mild chuckle from me. Their news is actually that they're applying to Julliard in New York and Emma deflates their dreams by telling them that Julliard doesn't have a musical theatre program. Kurt is confused but I would think they'd both know this? Though if they want Broadway, I'd assume their acting classes would benefit them but all of this is to set up NYADA as their fictional wonder school to apply to. Much like Worthington popped up for Joey all perfect and attainable. They're told about a mixer they can attend to check out their competition for try outs. They apparently only take about 20 students a year but you know Rachel is getting in.
Sue is still running for congress or something and is lagging behind everyone in terms of favour. She needs to find a cause that everyone hates and who knew that Sue Sylvester would have the pulse of the future of voting right now? Like rage voting is literally what's fuelled the past few elections, especially in the States but none of us are immune. Her cause? She says a bunch of racist things to Tina and Mike about Chopsticks being their National Anthem (it's ok, they tell her that her comments are offensive so the writers can still make the joke guilt free I say with every ounce of sarcasm I can muster) as she tears apart the piano so they can no longer play it. Then some random teacher who for some reason gets a first and last name despite probably never appearing again, thanks Sue and tells her she'll vote for her so Sue is emboldened and has found her cause.
Kurt and Blaine are at a coffee shop where Kurt is being passive aggressive because he's trying to guilt Blaine into switching schools. Kurt even says he wants Blaine to switch schools because it's his senior year and he wants it to be magic. The only way for it to be magic is if he can spend every minute of every day with Blaine. Kurt is that crazy stalker girlfriend meme. Also, please no. He was insufferable enough as a Dalton singer. I say this in vain, knowing full well that Darren basically takes over the show at this point. Sigh.
We finally get to see Quinn and she's changed her hair even more by dying it pink or red or whatever. I remember people hating this or thinking it looked dumb but I actually really like this look. It's the weird deep, tough voice she's putting on that makes it ridiculous. Still, come on, she looks good.
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| I kind of like it? |
Santana and Brittany are trying to convince her to rejoin the Cheerios but Quinn calls them suckers for going back to Sue. I'm going to have to side with Quinn on this one but Santana insists it's not for her, it's for their senior year and being on the team isn't the same without her. Quinn refuses because she has new friends and then we get to meet them. They introduce themselves individually but they're not actually important so I don't understand why we need their names. They're the skanks and I refuse to learn their names. This show and bringing in useless named characters, I swear.
Rachel comes on the scene to try her hand at convincing Quinn to come back to glee club. You know, when we last left glee, Quinn was happily welcoming Finn and Rachel into the choir room so I'm not exactly sure what happened between then and now to make her a pink haired punk princess filled with rage but here we are. Can I just add another weird rant here? The casual way this show drops the fact that one of the skanks hooks up with truckers and Quinn apparently dated a forty year old skateboarder like that's a fault of the young teenage girls and not the disgusting older men is bizarre. It's surreal how casually these jokes are dropped. Anyway, Rachel says she misses Quinn which is honestly kind of easy for her to be the big person right now what with Finn choosing her again. I don't see how this would convince Quinn to want to come back.
Will and Emma are watching TV when Sue's Corner comes on the TV which honestly seems like that shouldn't exist now that she's running for office? I don't really know election laws that well but it seems a wee bit illegal to run while having your own segment on a news show where you get to plug yourself constantly to voters. Anyway, she declares war on the arts and threatens to cut funding because she's the bad guy again because we can't have Glee without Sue being the bad guy. Heaven forbid.
Will storms into Sue's office saying that she can't do this but she's actually able to run on any platform she wants. It's all the stuff around it that I don't get. Like how she can be teaching full time and running for office. I thought running for office like became your job. Whatever, they squabble a bit where Sue asks Will how his sex life is and he starts complaining that it's not going well. I'm stuck on the fact that he just started dating Emma, is already pissed that his horrific pick up lines aren't getting him laid and he's ready to start a family with her. My guy, maybe slow down a touch? Woman has already been engaged to one guy and married and divorced from another, no need to rush her into another failed relationship now saddled with a child. Sue says she doesn't care about Will and his glee club so much as her getting power and thus, is calling a sort of truce? Like she's running on a platform that would defund the music program but I guess she's not going to bother with destroying him daily or something.
Then we find out that Sue has made both Santana and Becky co-captains since Quinn is no longer in the picture. Neither girl is impressed because they both want to be the only captain. Sue then asks Santana where her true allegiance lies and I guess we're going back to Santana working for Sue or something? This will get reset, don't even worry about this. She's going to learn and grow again and reveal that she actually really likes singing and then go right back to playing both sides again. Character consistency? Glee doesn't know her.
This has taken forever to recap because Glee is just rapid fire information that is ultimately pointless but it's also crazy that they have not sung a single song yet and I'm like halfway through. That's some impressive restraint by Glee standards. Anyway, here is the first song, Rachel convinces everyone to abide by the purple piano rules and sing in the cafeteria. People are reluctant until Finn pipes in and says that Rachel is right so I guess he's somewhat improving as a boyfriend by sticking up for her when people aren't listening to her but I also hate that everyone ignores Rachel's pep talk but goes for Finn's. Oh well. They sing We Got the Beat by the Go Gos. Becky throws food at Rachel and then a food fight breaks out.
The kids think their bid to recruit others has failed until in walks Sugar Motta. She was inspired by how much they sucked. I find it so weird that whenever I'm supposed to think they worked hard and were really good, I think they sucked but whenever characters in the show think they suck I'm like, they are professional singers here what the fuck are you hoping for? Is Glee set in a world where like no one likes music? Anyway, Sugar wants to be a star and thinks she's better than everyone in the class, she also has "self-diagnosed Aspergers" which she thinks gives her lisence to say whatever she wants. This could either be a clever mocking of the big craze of everyone discovering Aspergers and thinking everyone had it and that it equaled being an asshole or the writers also participating in the above. You decide. Either way, you know it's not going to be a thoughtful depiction of mental health. Sugar Motta is apparently the daughter of the guy who donated the used and broken pianos for the purple piano project so, essentially she's probably going to get in. She sings Big Spender from Sweet Charity and completely sucks but acts like she rocked it. Artie makes a quip that her ears should park in the handicap spot and I'll admit to chuckling at that. Rachel tells her they'll be in touch and then tells Will not to let her in. She's not wrong about not wanting to let her in if Will is serious about them winning Nationals. But Will can't ever pick a winner in the mash up challenges so what hope do they have of not having Sugar in Glee?
Sidebar: as much as I don't love the Aspergers mockery going on here, I do actually like Sugar's character. She's funny and has a lot of energy and they could definitely play around with her but you know Glee is just going to forget she exists until they need some kind of funny one liner that's slightly bitchy so don't get too attached.
Will complains to Bieste about having to cut Sugar because he has no back bone. On that same note, I feel like people are really harsh with those who "can't" sing and if you're a really good teacher, you should be able to teach them how to. Some people have naturally good voices but sometimes, it just takes a bit of work. Everyone can sing, everyone can learn. If he doesn't want to cut her, he should be offering to help her be better but it's like he thinks he's just stuck with her as is. Lame. Emma bursts in with the news that Sue is now up in the polls. Bieste offers to rough her up but Will decides he's got to handle this on his own. Emma declares that she finally knows what being turned on feels like. So...are they actually developing that she's a bit Ace? It might be too much to hope that they'd actually develop and acknowledge an Ace person exists but it seems like that's what they're going with for her character which leads me to wonder...should she and Will be together? In the first season, they seemed to be on the same wavelength. Will not realizing his wife wasn't pregnant kind of made you think that maybe he wasn't that sexual either, I mean how else would he not know for so long? But in the back 9 when horndog Will emerges? I don't think he and Emma belong together. Not because an Ace person couldn't be with a more sexual person, I just mean that horndog Will is far too immature and sex obsessed to respect Emma's boundaries and would absolutely resent her and guilt her into sex.
We next go to the auditorium with Rachel and Kurt planning out an audition to perform at their NYADA mixer to intimidate the other audition attendants. Rachel is stoked for the idea and asks if they're doing Wicked again but Kurt says before there was Wicked there was and doesn't finish because Rachel tells him not to because she instantly gets it and tells their captor Brad the Piano Man to "hit it". Somehow, he knows what they're talking about and accepts his masters's wishes to play Ding Dong! The Witch is Dead but I'm told is modelled after a cover done by Barbara Streisand and Harold Arlen. It's ok, I guess but they're about to be blown away.
Next there is a pointless Cheerios try out scene because the Glee writers have seen Bring It On and just want to crib every scene from that movie. There is no point, Sue has no intention to add anyone, she just wants to see people cry and RIB want to waste our fucking time. Will and Emma interrupt the pointlessness to deliver a speech about how important the arts are while dumping glitter on Sue. He then tells her she got glitter bombed and runs out asking Emma if she was able to record it as they go.
Blaine walks up to Kurt in the halls with a bowtie because he's a gigantic dork and I don't understand the appeal of this guy. Anyway, Kurt finally figures out that Blaine has switched schools and do you know what he does? He immediately asks if he switched for him and pretends like that wasn't exactly what he wanted and stated at the very beginning of this episode.
Blaine insists that he switched for himself but we know the real reason he switched is to appease Ryan Murphy and the Blaine stans who all, for some reason, demanded more of him. Screw all of you for putting me through this. Blaine then starts singing Tom Jones's It's Not Unusual. Then in a sequence that's not entirely clear what is happening, the Cheerios throw lighter fluid on the purple piano but instead of them lighting it, Quinn walks by and flicks her cigarette butt onto the piano which causes it to go up in flames. Here's the thing, Quinn is not part of the Cheerios so was this an accident? Was it on purpose? I don't even know. What is sense? What is this show?
Kurt and Rachel arrive at the mixer gleefully talking about how their performance will put all the other applicants to shame but when they enter the room, they're stunned to find it full of other teens who look pretty similar to them and they are all way more well-versed and prepped about NYADA. Most importantly, we meet red-beret girl or Harmony as she's introduced here but my god, she's the best. Before Rachel and Kurt can perform their boring number, she blows them away with a mash up of Anything Goes/Anything You Can Do from Anything Goes and Annie Get Your Gun and I love it. I love it with every fiber of my being and I've been humming this since I rewatched this episode last week. Please enjoy Harmony absolutely crushing it.
I want her in everything. I want more of her. I need more of her. I want her to sing all the songs. So, naturally RIB bury her from here on out because they hate me, yes me personally. I'm sure Rachel and Kurt will be happy because right now, they're shitting their pants in their car because Harmony is way too good for this show and way better than them, well definitely better than Kurt. I would kill to hear Rachel and Harmony sing together because that would be fierce. However, as much as it breaks Kurt and Rachel, they vow that they are going to work hard to up their credits and extra curriculars this year so that they can both get into NYADA. I will say that I'm happy they've finally let Rachel and Kurt be friends but we'll see if this stays consistent or not.
Will and Emma wake up to do their morning routine again but Will doesn't want to go to school today because he doesn't want to crush Sugar's dreams. Emma thinks that since he glitter bombed Sue, he's become a man of action and says it's super hot so that gives Will the incentive to cut Sugar from a high school show choir because she's not good enough.
Will immediately goes to tell Sugar she can't sit with them or something and she thinks his ears must have been broken and offers to do the song again. Will puts his foot down and Sugar tells him off for being a washed up Broadway has-been who hasn't lead the Glee club to any National wins. I'll give them this, I did chuckle when she actually confirmed she was just insulting him on purpose and not due to her Aspergers. Will deserves the mocking.
Sue comes in to tell Will she's proud of his initiative but Will tells her he didn't enjoy doing that. Sue clarifies that she was actually talking about his glitter bombing her and he gets a satisfied look on his face as he tells her he hopes she learned a lesson. She didn't though, at least, not the one he wanted her to learn. Apparently, it made her super popular so she just learned that people love a victim. Cool.
Will welcomes Blaine to the New Directions to lukewarm applause, it warms my heart to see it. Finn pipes up that he doesn't want Blaine to hog the ball, so to speak. It's cute that he thinks saying this will make any difference, as if Ryan hasn't already shown that this dweeb is his favourite. Although, Finn hates him because he's dumb and thinks he set fire to the piano when it was obviously the Cheerios...and Quinn? Maybe? Will knows this and actually cuts Santana from New Directions. I forgot this happened so I'm intrigued. Rachel gets up to announce that she's securing the rights for the school to perform a more appropriate musical, West Side Story. Mercedes demands and open audition because she wants the lead too, thus setting up a brand new Mercedes vs Rachel storyline that I'm sure will be just as not riveting as the other hundred times they've done this. Kurt announces he's running for Student Council President and now that the set up for this season is finally done, Rachel leads the gang in singing You Can't Stop the Beat from Hairspray and we fade out.
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| Just dropping Harry some love |
As far as Glee goes, that was an extremely solid opener. I remember the first time I saw this, it gave me such high hopes for how this season would go. I can't remember when I lost faith but this time around, I can definitely see some cracks already. First of all, the fact that they had American Idol style shows to select new characters for the show. It's an interesting concept but it's my opinion that you can't make a coherent show this way. Lindsay was not the winner but I guess was good enough to get a spot anyway and I can see why, she's great but from what I hear, she was not framed well on the reality show and was maybe seen as a diva? I didn't watch it so I just know that she's a solid singer and does command the scenes she's in. Judging by her performance in this episode, she should have been the winner, hands down because she clearly has star quality. The actual winners did not appear in this episode as far as I can tell but supposedly won a seven episode arc. I guess we'll see how well that translated. Next up is I Am Unicorn.
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