Dawson's Creek - 601 - The Kids are Alright

 Original air date: October 2, 2002

We've now entered the final season of Dawson's Creek, or as I like to refer to it, Joey's Creek. You could argue that it was Joey's Creek last season as well but this season really slaps you in the face with it, to the point that it was jarring. The opening of this season feels more like it was written for the pilot of a Disney Channel show rather than Dawson's Creek. No word of a lie, I completely burst out laughing in disbelief at the opening narration. It's so bad, you guys and it's intercut with weird flashbacks and the worst greenscreen you will ever see. I don't even know where to begin so let me just put in her first quote so we can examine how not Dawson's Creek it is. 

Joey: So, I didn't go to Paris, but I totally could've! I mean, what Dawson said completely rang true [inserted scene of last season where Dawson tells her that her life awaits] He was right. My life was waiting for me out there. But that doesn't mean I had to max out my one and only credit card and fly halfway around the world to find it. Screw that.

I need to unpack this. For starters, she's talking very un-Joey like. The language is very Disney but that's not the only thing that bugs me. One of the only things I actually liked about last season's finale was that they finally let Joey go to Paris and realize her dream and they just shit all over that. I'm offended by how much they shit all over that because they make it sound like Joey thinks going to Paris is ridiculous now and that's just not her. This is not our regular Joey, this is super annoying, very shallow Joey. Let's move on, shall we?

She then tells us that she stayed in Capeside for the summer where she waited tables and met a guy. If you didn't hate Joey before get ready for the reason she stops liking this guy. He had the audacity to tell her he was falling in love with her. She acknowledges that she's being completely unreasonable for her to complain about a cute guy falling in love with her but she says that it's a completely inappropriate display of affection, like that explains it all. Hey Joey, IT DOESN'T. Why was it inappropriate? Did he say it after like a day? Then I could get on board with you. If it was a month or two of constant interactions, like that's what happens when you date someone? What does Joey want from a date, exactly? She doesn't seem to want sex, not casual sex anyway but then she also gets annoyed if a guy is in to her. So...does she want a guy to just want to date her but not want a commitment...and I just remembered that this season is all about Eddie so...yeah. We'll get to that. She moves on to talking about Pacey and Audrey's summer and the dialogue doesn't get any better.

Joey: Now Pacey and Audrey on the other hand, they were smart. They were keeping it simple. They were all about the fun. They Came, they saw, they pretty much kicked L.A.'s ass.

Oof, I hate it and it's only funnier when you see the b-roll they're rolling as Joey narrates to us about their super awesome summer. How do they show us their fun trip in LA? Pacey and Audrey nodding along to music as the green screen shows snippets of LA stuff.

Seamless.

Look at how much I've written, I haven't even gotten to the credits. My god, this is going to be long. So, I'm going to be brief for the next two parts but rest assured, the narration still sucks. Jack spent the summer with Eric who then dumps him for a younger guy over email. Jack is now sleeping around a lot. Jen spent the summer in the Hamptons with her parents, who tell her that they are getting a divorce and Jen couldn't be happier. We don't find out about Dawson because this isn't his show anymore and they didn't talk all summer. Great friends. Joey is ok with their lack of communication because her life is waiting for her out there, she just isn't sure what to expect but she's excited so bring it on. Yes, she does say that. I hate it but we've finally made it to the opening credits.

We come back to Joey who is running through the school grounds. She knocks over some guy and apologizes but she's late so, he doesn't matter. The guy is rightfully annoyed and asks if she's heard of an alarm clock and Joey grumbles that she said she was sorry and rushes off to her destination, leaving the guy on the ground. I hate Joey, you guys. I don't know what happened to the Joey that I liked but she's dead and this Joey killed her and shit on her grave. She makes it to the office but surprise, the professor is also running late and also is the guy who she knocked over. Sucks to suck, Joey. 

Pacey and Audrey pull up to the school in his fancy car. I assume it's fancy because everyone makes a big deal of it but...I don't get cars. They don't excite me the way they do some people. They are literally just a vessel to get me from point a to point b. Oh hey, do you guys know what was a popular thing in the early 2000s? A reality TV show about Ozzy Osbourne and his crazy family. Why do I bring this up? Because no one remembers Jack Osbourne now but he's Ozzy's son and he's here playing himself in Dawson's Creek. Apparently, the Osbournes are the Liddell's neighbours in L.A. and Audrey was asked to give Jack a ride to Worthington to interview. I really hope they just intended this as a one off joke because if they were trying to set this asshole up as a series regular, I'd probably bail right now. He swears and it gets bleeped out and I hate it. It's never happened on this show and it feels so out of place. What is this? Oh and the joke is that he's pervy and he used his telescope to spy on Audrey changing. She threatens to tell his father but haha Ozzy looked at her himself and I'm going to borrow from a fellow Canadian who put this feeling so succinctly, I can't top it:

Thank you, Dan Olsen

Jack leaves to take a piss and Audrey gloms onto Pacey and laments about the end of the summer because she thinks it marks doom for their relationship. I know I said I felt nothing about these two being together but we're bordering on hating them together because they are always in turmoil about their relationship. It's exhausting. She whines about how he impressed her father so much he offered Pacey a big job interview and she doesn't want him to become a 9 to 5er. I hate the way teen shows hammer in this message that office life is the worst or the downfall of your identity or some shit. It's a job. A solid one that pays the bills. Not everyone can be written to live in luxurious apartments on a waitress salary. Am I hating Audrey this season too? I think I am. I'm sorry Busy, you're just really getting crap material to work with. She tells Pacey he should go work at another restaurant and while I agree that I liked chef Pacey, I do think she's being a bit...Melanie-ish right now. By which I mean that she is trying to keep Pacey in a place where she's comfortable with him being and stopping him from exploring other options. Pacey tries to stick up for himself and she blah, blah, blahs him and tells him to get her bags. Wow. Audrey and Joey are taking the same bitch pills, I see.

Joey is in her meeting with Professor Heston who mocks her for saying "fudge" instead of "fuck". He then mentions that her birthday is tomorrow. That's gonna be important for later, thank you professor exposition. He then says that her scholarship barely covers her tuition and asks if she needs a job. He then offers her a research assistant position in the English department and Joey says that maybe she'd be interested. Heston tells her that people fight over these positions and she should be excited. I'm on his side here, Joey is being awfully picky for someone in need of money. Another issue he has is that she's signed up for his literature class and it's advanced for a sophomore. Joey laughs because he clearly doesn't know how special she is, so she informs him that she's super smart for a sophomore and has already read most of the books on the list. Heston asks if she read Last Exit to Brooklyn but she has not so he tells her to have it read before the first class and he'll forget that she's a sophomore. Joey points out that class is today at 3pm but Heston doesn't give a fuck. Why do I like Heston more than Joey right now? He's clearly supposed to be obnoxious but Joey is worse somehow.

Jen greets Grams in a particularly happy mood and tells her grandmother how happy she is. Grams tries to tell her something but Jen is too busy flowering about how good a mood she's in so Grams goes with it but gets weirded out about how not dour Jen is being. It's a cute little scene. I always love when these two have a scene together. Grams gets a call from Clifton Smalls and Jen leaves the kitchen to bump into Jack and yet another of his one night stands. She stops them, waits for Grams to be out of view and waves them out of the house. Are we going to get these two being friends again? Because I really missed that last season.

Joey enters her dorm to find Pacey lying on Audrey's bed. He hops up and pleads with her not to let him stay here. Audrey pops out of the bathroom and greets Joey only to ask if Pacey can crash in their dorm. Joey makes up an excuse about studying to get Pacey out of crashing with them and he quickly scarpers before he talks himself into being able to stay. Joey asks Audrey if they're going out tonight and Audrey asks if she wants to celebrate her return to Worthington. Joey snarks that that's the only reason they'd have to celebrate but Audrey doesn't get the hint. Remember, we were told it was her birthday, so they're setting up that no one is going to remember it.

Joey is now trying to catch up on her reading when she gets a phone call. It's Dawson finally entering the episode via voicemail. He asks her to meet him at a coffee shop while that annoying British director guy from last season yells at him in the background. He wants her to meet him at 2. If you'll recall, her class is at 3. This was never going to work but, of course, Joey decides to go for it because these two just love fucking up their lives for each other. 

At Grams's place, Jack is playing video games while Pacey comes down in a suit and tie he's borrowed from Jack. He has a big interview that he wants to look good for and the job is selling stocks. Thus begins our Pacey as Wolf of Wallstreet arc. Yeah, yeah, he's not in New York but it's basically the same arc. Young guy corrupted by money and power and I'm not looking forward to any of it. Least of all the beard he grows. Which is weird because Josh with a beard now looks amazing but it just didn't feel like Pacey to have one. I ramble but basically Pacey starts asking Jack about what it's like living with Grams and he thinks it's lame so Pacey suggests that they find a place together. Jack seems unimpressed with the idea but can't think of why so Pacey decides to go and look for a place for them. 

Jen sits down in one of her classes and I'm impressed they're actually showing the others attending classes. I don't think they showed Jen or Jack in their school at all last season. Jen asks the person next to her if this is Art History but surprise! The person next to her is Grams. Grams says she tried to tell her this morning but Jen wouldn't stop talking. Apparently, she attended one of Clifton's summer classes and realized how much she loved being in a classroom. She decided she wanted to go back to school because of this but Jen is unimpressed that she's taking Art History with her. She suggests math instead when the professor walks by and asks if he has to separate them to which Jen immediately dies of embarrassment as her classmates chuckle. 

Pacey walks up to an apartment to the sound of drums being played, he knocks on the door and a woman answers. She's Emma and she's very British and punky. She's very unimpressed by Pacey's charm and even less impressed that he's neither a student nor employed. Pacey tries to save face by saying that he has another guy who also wants to room with them but Emma hates living with guys and she has an employed lesbian couple coming to check the place out so she wants Pacey to go. Pacey asks what her issue is and thinks it's about the worry of sexual tension and assures her that neither he or Jack could possibly fall for her. Pacey, I love you, but a woman can be not interested in living with guys because of a fear for her safety, because a lot of guys are messy slobs who assume women will clean up after them, and a multitude of other reasons than "what if the guys fall in love with me?" That's a super condescending thing for him to say and I don't blame Emma for kicking him out. Pacey tries to tell her Jack is gay, as if that fixes things, but she slams the door in his face. 

We next find Jen and Jack in class together where she is looking around nervously for any sign of Grams. Jack, meanwhile, is distracted by the new resident "hot" professor and I have to say...I don't get this one either.

You be the judge

I mean, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but both Jen and Jack seem to be drooling over him and it confuses me. Jen thinks he's gay but Jack doesn't think so and bets he's married. Jack is right, much to Jen's chagrin since they bet each other a million dollars with Jack even making the Dr. Evil voice when he asked for that to be the prize. It was the early 2000s, Dr Evil impersonations were everywhere and to be honest, I still make that voice if I'm talking about large sums of money. I'm a dork much like Jack. 

Meanwhile, Joey is waiting at the coffee shop like a chump for Dawson. She is reading her book while she waits but she's nowhere near done and I don't know what kind of visit she's hoping to have with him if it's already, judging by the watch she's checking, 2:45 and her class starts at 3. She wises up and leaves, rushing to class but, of course, she's late. Professor Heston is not happy with her, especially when a cell phone starts ringing and it's Joey's. She doesn't want to answer so he answers it for her, chatting with Audrey. He hangs up and hands the phone back to Joey who takes it looking mortified but it only gets worse from there as he loudly recounts the message Audrey wanted to leave for her about how Dawson couldn't make it and that he'd meet her and the gang later at Hell's Kitchen.

Side note, the fact that he says Hell's Kitchen threw me right off because that's the area that Daredevil protects in New York but they're in Boston but this is referring to a bar they want to go to. It just took me a second because my brain was like, wait did we move to New York??

With that humiliation out of the way, Heston asks the class for their opinions on Last Exit to Brooklyn, the book he'd asked Joey to have finished before the start of class and, of course, he singles her out. She hasn't finished it though and he calls her out on breaking her promise but asks what she thinks of it so far. Joey says she finds it heartbreaking and I can neither confirm nor deny this because I haven't read it but another guy in the class seems to think her opinion isn't that great. Heston calls on him and we learn that this is Eddie. You may think he's a one off annoying guy but we're going to have to deal with him most of the semester. Also, fun fact, I knew the actor before I saw this season for the first time because I was addicted to My Guide to Becoming a Rock Star. I was excited to see him when I first saw this season on reruns but I grew to dislike him a lot. You'll just have to wait to find out why. He tells us that it's a bit condescending to feel sorry for the characters as there is beauty to be found even in a world where the sun doesn't shine. Heston asks Eddie if he read the book and he says he did, years ago and it's awesome. Heston says he's got one up on Joey and I laugh but I think we're supposed to be on Joey's side. Look, Joey shirked her reading to meet up with Dawson, yes she read at the cafe but she was clearly not focusing, and then she showed up late on the first day of class by her own bad choice. I don't feel bad for her. She created the issues she's facing. Anyway, Eddie winks at her and she just...looks at him vacuously. I'm not sure what Katie is trying to get across here, confusion? irritation? You tell me:

She looks drunk

At the bar called Hell's Kitchen, Pacey and Audrey are playing a game of pool when one of the balls goes shooting off where a bartender who happens to be Emma, catches it and places it back on their table. Pacey thinks this is a great time to try to talk her up about the apartment and shows off how he has a girlfriend so living with him shouldn't be a problem. Ok, so if we're going down the road of see I'm safe, I have a girlfriend, can we just talk about all the serial killers who have whole ass families? Pacey, this is not the argument winner you think it is. I want to be on Pacey's side here but man, he's not looking good here and that is part of the comedy of the scene but it's still hard to watch him crash and burn like this. He asks Audrey to say something nice about him but she refuses because Emma is hot and she doesn't want him living with a hot girl. Excuse me while I continue to roll my eyes at their entire relationship. Since Audrey refuses to help him, he turns to Jack to tell her that he's gay. She doesn't think he looks very gay since Jack is #notlikeothergays but he confirms he is through a big bite full of food. Emma remains unimpressed.

Joey arrives at the bar and sees her friends. She smiles and goes inside and we cut to a bit later where she's by the jukebox with a frown on her face. Pacey walks up to her and my heart flutters because they should be together but they're not so my heart is crushed. Pacey mocks her music taste and she tells him to bite her so he does and it's simultaneously the strangest and cutest thing I've ever seen.

I feel like this was Josh being a goof and assuming
this would get cut but they used the take anyway

Joey confronts Pacey about his behaviour earlier where he asked her to not let him stay with Audrey and her. Pacey explains that after he and Joey spent the summer together, they didn't want it to end but after his summer with Audrey, he was completely ready for it to be over. He had a good time but she's exhausting. These two are not right for each other and instead of trying to talk to her friend about this, she just tells Pacey that part of her wants to tell him that he should do what makes him happy but then she says that another part of her says that if he breaks Audrey's heart, she'll break him. I get it, Audrey is her friend but so is Pacey. She's essentially just told Pacey that he can't break up with someone who is not right for him or she'll be mad. I hate this and yet we're supposed to laugh. Is Pacey the down on his luck clown this season? Because that's the vibe this episode is giving off about him. He deserves better.

Joey asks the gang where Dawson is and Audrey informs us that he's been MIA most of the summer because the British director, Todd, keeps him busy. Joey has no fucking clue about any of this because she never talked to Dawson. Everyone else made time except her and we're supposed to buy these guys as soulmates. Joey asks about Oliver and Audrey tells us that he flipped out when he got to LA and bailed in the middle of summer because he could feel his soul leaving his body. Audrey calls Joey out on not talking to Dawson and Joey bails to check on her song.

Joey sees a drunk guy at the jukebox complaining to Emma about it eating his dollar. Emma seems to be handling it fine but Joey cuts in and burns the guy with a smart remark about him being drunk with his fly down. Emma is impressed that Joey can handle herself so well and offers her a job on the spot. Joey isn't sure but Emma tells her to think about it. Joey gets lobbed jobs left and right, meanwhile, I had to trundle about with resumes, begging people to give me a chance and then begging with them to schedule me outside of school hours. Fuck, she has it easy.

Pacey wants to leave while Audrey razzes him about calling it quits so soon. Pacey is tired though and I'm sitting here like, you two aren't compatible, you two aren't compatible, you two aren't compatible. Audrey whines that Pacey is being too boring and Pacey peaces out because he just drove 3000 miles with next to no sleep and wants some rest. He leaves the bar and Audrey chases after him. He begs her to let him sleep and she says he's being mean and that he's going to feel like a jerk in 2 minutes. She reveals that she got them a room in a super swanky hotel for the night because she wanted to spend their last summer night in style. Pacey feels like a jerk but I don't really know why? She was being really snotty to him this episode and a room at a hotel is nice but she could also apologize for complaining that he's trying to better himself. They walk off and Pacey says that sex might not be off the table completely after all. 

Joey complains about her two job opportunities that were just handed to her for her to choose between and she's not sure which to go for. Jack thinks it's an obvious choice for her to work for her professor and yeah, I agree. I'd rather do that job than the bar but that's me. Joey is offended that they think she's super sensible but like, who wouldn't take the academic job, if offered? I'm pretty sure those pay super well, comparatively for a student. Jen and Jack want to go and ask if Joey's going to leave with them but Joey wants to hang out. Jen laughs and Joey asks what's up but she just says it's cute. I want to say that Jen, having dated and slept with Dawson is being incredibly supportive of Joey for wanting to now wait for and possibly date Dawson. Just putting that out there because Joey has never been as kind.

We get a montage of Joey waiting around for Dawson before finally giving up and leaving only for Dawson to finally pull up in a cab and call out to her. They end up back in the bar where they chat. We find out that Dawson is helping Todd make a horror movie. They banter a bit about how Dawson thinks she waited for him (she did) and Joey insists she just wanted to hear her song. He tells her she looks great and then Joey asks why they didn't talk all summer. Dawson thinks it's because he liked how they left things and didn't want to ruin that feeling. Cool, these guys should definitely be together I say with sarcasm. Dawson asks if she met anyone over the summer and she says "no one worth talking about" so fuck that guy who fell for her, I guess? She starts to ask him but he doesn't answer because she gets distracted by her song finally playing. I don't recognize the song and I don't remember if it's the actual song from first airing but it sounds boring. I agree with Pacey that her music tastes suck. She remembers hearing it on the radio when Dawson's mom picked them up from the movies after having seen Clueless. Dawson clearly doesn't remember that this song played but he offers his hand to her to ask her to dance. They dance together at the bar and we fade to commercial.

I wonder how James felt playing the love interest to Joey
even though he's supposed to be the main character?

When we get back, they have arrived at Joey's dorm. She insists he spend the night because Audrey's bed is free on account of her and Pacey staying at a hotel tonight. Joey goes into the bathroom and when she comes out again, Dawson has passed out. She looks a bit disappointed but goes over to her own bed to go to sleep. Dawson wakes up just then and asks if she's asleep and what time it is. Joey says it's 5 to midnight and Dawson freaks out. He gets out of bed and moves the clock hand to 5 minutes after midnight because he can't wait anymore. He then pulls out a gift and tells her happy birthday. He's the only one who remembered, apparently and I call bullshit on Pacey not acknowledging her birthday. He does not forget things like that. The writers just want to manufacture a special moment between Joey and Dawson because they know they suck together otherwise. Joey opens her gift and it's a snowglobe of Hollywood which is a gift he probably picked up at an airport and seems more about him than her. If they really wanted to write a meaningful cheesy snowglobe gift, take a page out of While You Were Sleeping and have him get something she yearns for. For example, he could have gotten her a snow globe of the Eiffel Tower but they already shit on her wanting to go to Paris so I guess that wouldn't mean much anymore? 

He tells her that he feels her with him where ever he goes and he doesn't feel like they pulled apart at all and then they hug. The hug leads to kissing and the kissing leads to implied pg sexy times as we fade to black. 

That is a doozy of an opener to the season. For starters, it really didn't feel like a Dawson's Creek episode, especially with the painfully trite opening narrations. It shifts focus indefinitely on Joey and I think she's worse off as a character for this. No one seems particularly likable this season either and there is a stark focus on zany comedy with Grams joining Jen's classes, Jack and Jen betting on whether their professor is gay or not, Pacey struggling to get an apartment with Emma and Joey crashing into her teacher. Let's not also forget the obnoxious casting of Jack Osborne just to be crass on a show where that doesn't fit to make it really obvious that they're trying to appear "cool" but like, people don't watch Dawson's Creek for "cool" they watch for drama. There is none to be found here. Maybe Grams going back to school and interfering with Jen's school experience could count but it's treated as laughs through Jen's embarrassment. This doesn't give me hope for this season. There is no meat to grab onto here, it's just milquetoast. We are officially in a different show, people. This is Joey's Creek and shit is going to get wild. Stay tuned for the next episode, The Song Remains the Same.