Dawson's Creek - 518 - Cigarette Burns

 Original air date: April 10, 2002

So, we pick up from the last episode with Dawson and Jen having just broken up and we dive back into Dawson's movie. Also, Joey seems to have a big thing for Charlie which is confusing and infuriating in equal measure and it's only going to get worse. Let's go.

Joey just finished watching Dawson's movie and is crying but she also wants to tease Dawson about how long and boring his movie is. There is absolutely no way for me to verify if this is true but I know it in my bones that Dawson made a really long and boring movie that was going to be a man pain revenge movie but is instead a man pain saved by love so hey maybe he won't shoot the girl in the end movie. I like how he thinks snowfall erases the fact that Charlie's character showed up ready to shoot Audrey's character in the face but it's somehow a happy ending. No problems here. I'm sure the gun and his anger issues will never resurface, there's magic snow! If you can't tell, I hate the entire premise of the movie based on the very few scenes I've seen of it. Joey loves it though and more than that, she seems to be harboring a crush on Charlie as that's the main thing she gushes about. Dawson agrees that he was good in it, which pains him seeing as how the guy is a dipshit. This season has me agreeing with Dawson more often than not now. Joey has the nerve to be offended at Dawson's assessment of Charlie and she actually sticks up for him. So, instead of hating Joey for the way other characters act about her, I'm starting to hate Joey because she's acting stupid herself. 

Oliver comes in and is offended on Jen's behalf that Dawson already has another girl in his bedroom after just breaking up with Jen. He quickly forgets this though as he wants to know what Joey thought of the movie. She thought it was excellent which makes Oliver happy because he wants to screen the movie. Dawson doesn't think the movie is ready but oops, Oliver has already set up a screening for tomorrow. He bolts and Dawson chases after him to argue while Joey rewinds the movie to pause on Charlie's face and thanks, I hate it. 

Hmm, something about his spikey hair and the way he
dicked my supposed friend around really makes me think
he might be a good guy.

In class, Oliver and Dawson are going over the movie with Dawson arguing that it's too long and needs lots of work. He wants to reshoot the sex scene because you can see Charlie's penis and oh my god, poor Audrey. Are you serious? People don't usually get completely naked for movie sex scenes you dolts, they wear flesh colored panties to cover those bits up so that shit like this doesn't happen. The only time you wouldn't do that is if you're shooting porn or you are making some kind of statement by showing the bits or you're a lazy hack who doesn't understand how to make films so...Dawson is Tommy Wiseau confirmed. Anyway, Oliver thinks that Dawson is still reeling from his break up with Jen because their movie is super awesome (I beg to differ). Dawson doesn't think that's a thing and he also doesn't want to talk about it with Oliver. Oliver than asks if he can ask Jen out. See? Never trust an Oliver.

We cut to Pacey and Audrey having sex in a house we soon learn is Brecher's. He's taken his wife to the Caribbean and asked Pacey to watch his place. Pacey is super impressed by Audrey's sex skills and she says that he's got staying power but phrased in a way she knows because she's been with other guys. They banter for a bit before Pacey brings the question up again. Audrey is offended by the question and turns it back on him to which Pacey confidently answers 6, 7 including Audrey. Ok...how many of you were trying to count in your head? I just need to so hang on.

Tamara (ugh), Andie, Joey, Melanie, Karen, Rina, Audrey. I'm sorry, were they pretending that Pacey was in some lothario stage after Karen just because he had ONE casual sexual encounter? People are really harsh on Pacey. Audrey is surprised he came up with the number so fast but that's guys for you, racking up their sexual encounters like video game points. Audrey is uncomfortable that his number is so low which makes Pacey freak out that her number is super high. She doesn't help things by saying that compared to her, ladies like Lady Chatterly and Madonna are prudes. I don't know what she's going for here but I'm going to save my rant for later.

Dawson walks into the kitchen to find Jen and they exchange awkward hi's and how are you's to each other. Dawson rambles about being nervous about the movie screening and Jen tells him it's ok if things are weird between them but she hopes they can figure out a way to be friends again. Dawson says it's hard to get past that he had her up on the counter, covering her with kisses and now he can't do that but Jen asks who says they can't? Is this setting up a weird friends with benefits thing again?

Joey and Audrey are getting ready in their dorm room. Audrey is grilling Joey about what she thought about the movie but mainly her performance. Joey teases her a bit before telling her she was fantastic and then saying she had great chemistry with Charlie who was also great. Audrey is me because she doesn't want to talk about Charlie. She does notice that Joey looks hot and asks why but before Joey can answer, she frets about how she looked in the movie. Audrey then asks Joey for advice on the question Pacey proposed to her. Joey thinks honesty is best but then points out that the male ego is fragile and the truth would probably do more damage than good. Look, if a guy will dump you because he's intimidated you've been with other men, he's not a man worth keeping around. Just saying. Joey thinks that the answer of what to do lies in how many men Audrey has slept with but that's gross. It shouldn't matter how many people are in her past because it's what made her who she is. If he likes her, that should be the end of it. 

We cut to Audrey and Pacey in the car after having just dropped Joey off at the front. She wonders why she is stuck driving around for parking and Pacey says it's because of the deal. She wonders what deal that is and Pacey starts waffling about maybe wanting to define their relationship and Audrey blurts out that she's slept with 27 men. Pacey is shocked and ends up rear ending a car. Oops.

Jen is getting ready to go when the doorbell rings. She answers the door to a tall older man who looks very pleasant and speaks very soothingly. His name is Clifton Smalls and he is here for Grams. Jen is shocked, especially when Grams comes down and gives Clifton a kiss. Grams has a secret boyfriend! Jen interrogates Clifton half jokingly while Grams gets annoyed and it's honestly cute. They have not used enough Grams this season. Jen agrees to drop it but looks uncomfortable with the idea of her Grams dating again. I think they look adorable and I remember quite liking Clifton.

Look how happy they look. I am here for happy Grams

Dawson is getting ready behind the scenes when a woman storms in angrily shouting to someone over the phone. She looks very familiar to me and then it hit me. Holy shit! She's Natty Gann! If you don't know, The Journey of Natty Gann is a somewhat little known Disney live action jam that pits a girl against the elements as she travels to find her father during the great depression. I loved this movie and I only found it because of my obsession with John Cusack, who was barely in it but that's besides the point because there was a cute dog guardian throughout the whole thing. I loved it.

Meredith Salenger is so pretty

Sorry to hit you with back to back pics but I was so excited to see her. She was also in a weird and very poorly constructed Corey Feldman joint called Dream a Little Dream. It made little to no sense so I don't know if I can recommend it but I do recommend Natty Gann because that was a surprisingly good little romp, even if the subject matter is depressing. 

Back to the task at hand, Dawson asks if she's ok to which she gets offended that he eavesdropped. They soon jump into film questions since she was obviously a student of the film school at one time and she pin points him as in his pretentious phase of film learning where he's completely turned his back on Hollywood. She asks him his favourite movie and he says Run, Lola, Run which she immediately calls bullshit on. Don't even pretend like your main influence wasn't Spielberg, king of the blockbuster movie. I'm not even saying Spielberg isn't talented, he is but Dawson pretending he liked Run, Lola, Run is laughable to me. Also it's the obvious indie movie to go for anyway. Oh look, it's me being pretentious except that I'm not. My favourite movies are all Hollywood trash, I am not high brow at all so I can smell Dawson's mediocre taste from a mile away. The woman, Amy, makes it clear that she wants to know the movie that actually moved him and reveals that hers is Hardball with Keanu Reeves. I have never seen it but Dawson immediately thinks it's the reason that her boyfriend dumped her, calls her a drama queen, and says she has terrible taste in movies. Excuse the absolute fuck out of you, Dawson but what gives you the right to make an assessment like that? Let me remind you that you had a framed picture of Steven Spielberg on your nightstand so you don't get to pass judgement on anyone's taste in anything. Period. Amy asks who he is and he tells her to which she laughs because she's a film critic for the Boston paper and is here to review his shitty movie. The balls Dawson has in criticizing a Keanu Reeves movie when he is showing his stupid man pain movie. As I said, I've never seen Hardball but I bet it's a masterpiece compared to any of Dawson's movies. 

Joey finds Charlie and I just don't understand why I'm supposed to get behind this or find this cute or be rooting for this at all. This is the guy that cheated on Jen, that wooed her with his smooth talk and sensitive boy schtick only to turn out to be a serial cheater. How can I ever take anything he has to say seriously again? How am I supposed to believe that he'll be any different with Joey and if he is then that just infuriates me more. Why was this ok? Why not bring back the doofy guy that liked her before? He seemed cool and Joey was really shitty to him. Just why do I have to sit here and watch this stupid flirting between them and buy it? Because I decidedly don't and I hate this entire interaction. I hate that Joey seems smitten with him and I hate that he's going on and on about how special she is because I don't buy it but the fact that I'm expected to just pisses me off. Anyway, they sit together for the movie and he says he may not actually be the devil and Joey jokes that the jury's still out but we, the audience, know that he is. 

Back with Audrey and Pacey, he's apologizing to the guy for hitting his car and she asks Pacey if he's alright. He says his car is a bit bruised but he's fine but she wants to know about the sex thing and if they're alright. Pacey says they are but he seems decidedly not alright and I hate this storyline too but I'll save that because I hate it for a different reason than what's happening right now, which is still shitty, don't get me wrong. I'm disappointed in Pacey that he's bothered by this. Sex seems to be a huge hang up for him and has been since the show started so I get it but man, am I about to get more pissed than just a little character disappointment.

Dawson confronts Oliver about inviting Amy to the screening but Oliver thought it would be good for them and their careers. Dawson wanted it cleared with him first because he's a control freak but also yeah, he should probably have been prepared. Still, it was Dawson who insulted a stranger out of nowhere, did he think it would be fine and funny if the woman was a nobody? He was still rude regardless. Amy pops up and says she's going to peace out since they seem like amateurs who don't have their act together and Oliver asks Dawson what he did. Dawson fesses up to saying she has crap taste in movies and called her a drama queen. Oliver tells him that some guy wanted to get his thesis movie reviewed by her but he made fun of Point Break and she gave him a negative review and now he's a nobody working in a video store in his nowhere hometown. Is it weird that I kind of respect Amy's fierce protection of Keanu Reeves's career? The man's a treasure. Oliver tells Dawson to fix things with Amy and then says he's going to go ask out Jen. 

Dawson chases Amy down the street and apologizes for being rude because he didn't know who she was. She calls him out and asks if he would have kissed her ass if he did. Dawson starts to deny it but then admits he probably would have. She's not impressed so he says he's a big fan of hers. She doesn't buy it because film critics don't have fans. Dawson argues that some do so she tells him to go stalk them but he says he'd rather stalk her because she's cuter. 

Pro tip: do NOT do any of this with a woman you don't know on a dark street. For the love of God, it will not work and only works in this case because these are two fictional characters in a writer controlled environment. 

Since this is tv land, Amy smiles so Dawson builds on that by quoting one of his favourite reviews she did. She softens more and offers to go to a coffee shop with him and she may change her mind. So, delaying the showing even more by doing this. Ok.

Audrey grabs a reluctant Joey away from Charlie to inform her that she's slept with 27 people but that she actually used some creative math. Joey is shocked but then says that she should really tell Pacey the truth instead of a half truth. Audrey is not sure but Joey urges her to believe that she deserves a great relationship and that she has to do the hard thing to build it right. This is the point that I started getting invested in this story. Like, I actually like that Audrey is sexually free, it's how she's been written so far so it makes sense that she's more experienced than Pacey and is also nervous about her numbers. I wanted to see how this would play out. Just wait.

Joey sits back down with Charlie and they start their insufferable flirting again where he talks about this amazing girl who's out of his league that he likes and she's sitting next to him. Joey thinks he's not as cool as he thinks he is and that she can read what he's thinking all over his face. He asks her what she's thinking and she has the balls to say that he's thinking she's the most attractive and formidable woman he's been in the same room with. She also says that he's nervous but wants to ask her out on a proper date. Charlie denies this and tells her that he's actually thinking that he wants to take her in the bathroom and do ungodly things to her. Joey is pissed but I don't know what she was expecting here. He's the guy that smooth talked Jen and cheated on her while also gaslighting her into thinking she was crazy for thinking he was cheating. Charlie sucks. Joey bails to check on Dawson and Charlie thinks that he may actually be the devil.

Pacey and Jack are talking about the movie and Pacey knows the length it's going to be so he's chugging caffeinated beverages so that he can get through it. Pacey is all of us. He's also going to need to pee a lot which he says is a good excuse to leave the theatre when Charlie and Audrey start making out. He then starts gushing about how much he likes Audrey and she comes up behind him and hears everything. He turns around and Audrey says she wants to be honest, it's not 27 guys she's slept with, it's 57. Pacey does a spit take. Things are getting spicy, right? Just wait.

Pacey is looking a little stunned

Oliver finds Jen and starts admitting his very obvious from the beginning feelings for her but she quickly shuts him down by saying she doesn't think anything will ever happen between them. She gets awkward and turns to go but Oliver gives a big spiel about how he may not be the best looking guy but he's going to blow her mind and she knows it will be different too because she's scared to look at him. Jen says that she's going to look to prove him wrong but when she turns around, he's gone. Is Oliver a ghost?

Jen and Joey meet up in the lobby and both wonder if the movie is ever going to start. They go out to get some air and Joey asks if she can ask a question about guys. She doesn't mention that the guy she wants is Charlie, of course. That would be the decent thing to do. No she asks if Jen has ever met a guy who was super good looking and charming but turned out to be a moron. Jen says all of them with the exception of, and Joey finishes the thought with Dawson. Excuse you, ladies. I will not stand by this Pacey slander, especially not from you, Joey. I mean I know that Jen didn't really date Pacey but still, he's a great guy and was a hell of a lot more decent than Dawson was in his teen years. I'll admit that Dawson has definitely mellowed this season but come on, he's the ONLY decent guy out there? You lying. Why you always lying, Dawson's Creek? Jen points out that her Grams is dating a man named Clifton Smalls and says that it's really great because no matter how many good looking idiots they have to sift through, some day they might get their very own Clifton Smalls. Joey likes that but then complains because that's a really long time from now. I'm super confused about what Jen's getting at here. How does she know Clifton is any good? I mean sure, he seems very nice but he could also end up being disappointing, you literally just met him.

In the coffee shop, Amy asks Dawson about his movie. He's not sure how to talk about it so she asks him what made him want to make the movie. He tells her about his bizarre year, dropping out of USC for Joey, his dad dying, getting together with another girl and all that. Amy seems to like this because anything imbued with that much pain and heartbreak seems like a movie she'd like to see, plus he's a fan which satisfies her ego. They get up to go when she sees her ex in the most convenient of all conveniences so she asks Dawson to kiss her. This is such stupid writing. Oh no, my ex! Quick kiss me to make him jealous! These are adults. Who does this? Yeah, I know people like this exist but they're annoying and have bizarre (to me) thoughts on how relationships should work. As it turns out, the guy wasn't even her ex which I think is even stupider. She apologizes and they leave. 

Pacey finds Audrey in the lobby and tells her that he knew she slept with other men, he's known it for a while and that he accepts that. He has his own fears and insecurities but they're his and not hers to deal with and that the only thing that matters is each other because he's fallen for her. I love this and I really wish they just left this here because this is an awesome message but nope. Audrey changes her number again to 5. I hope you note that not only is the number significantly lower but that it is now lower than Pacey's because OF FUCKING COURSE it has to be lower than the guy's. Fucking hell do I hate this. Pacey says he's ok either way because Joey's told him things and he's seen her with a few different guys but nope actually Audrey is just a make out slut and not a "real" slut. She's kissed a lot of guys to find out what she likes. Pacey likes that logic and then realizes that she was testing him which he finds cute but honestly? It's extremely childish, immature, and not a healthy thing to do in a good relationship. This is not a cute little moment they can have and I think I realized why I don't like this ship in the way I've liked others and it's entirely because of this crap. So far, all of their moments have been problematic in some form or another. Like when they had their first "alone" night together was at the expense of Joey's safety, and this little moment is couched in lies and a stupid test. Also, just fuck off with this notion that a girl can't have more sexual experience than a guy or she's "spoiled", it's so gross and I wanted this show to be better than this. I liked that they had to work through Audrey's sexual history and I like that Pacey came out with the logical conclusion that it doesn't matter but then they ruined it. Thanks, I fucking hate all of this.

Amy and Dawson are talking and she complains that she doesn't know why she cares so much what her ex thinks when she doesn't even like him. Dawson makes a case for safe relationships being a stable force in people's lives and that if it's difficult, it's probably because it's wrong. Dawson says that making the movie for him was a stable force in his life that gave him something to hold onto. Amy thinks the reason he's unsure if his movie is complete is because he's incomplete and probably always will be which is why he makes movies. Dawson agrees but still worries that his movie sucks but Amy says if it does, she'll tell him over coffee and he may get to make out with her again so she's clearly into him. Dawson admits to her that his favourite movie is actually Roadhouse with Patrick Swayze. They go into the theatre where Dawson meets back up with an impressed Oliver. He asks how he got her back and Dawson explains that he made out with her.

Charlie finds Joey and asks her for a favour but she asks him who's asking, the nice guy or the sleazeball she walked away from? He says that's fair but that he wants to be the first guy for her because of course Joey is super magical and special in a way that Jen wasn't. We get it show, Joey is the Madonna and Jen is the Whore. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool. I'm not irritated at all by this storyline. Anyway, they sit next to each other again but I don't care.

Jen is sitting next to Jack when she sees Oliver walk by and she gets a big smile on her face and says "oh my god" implying that Oliver's little speech worked, I guess? Jack asks her why she said that but Jen denies saying anything. 

Michelle Williams realizing she's going to have to pretend to like Oliver now

Dawson gets up to introduce the movie which he says still has no title and the mix is trash, the music is temp, and it's too long. Great sell, Dawson. He does call it a labour of love and thanks everyone who helped bring it to life. He then tells the projectionist to roll it and the lights dim and we see the show's closing credits appear on the movie screen. 

Well, that was...that was a doozy. I don't even know what to make of this. It's not a terribly written episode, like with Glee. Everyone was acting pretty typical and yet I hated everything about what was going on. I hate that they're pretending this movie is something meaningful and good, I hate that Joey and Charlie are being pushed as a thing because it's honestly an insult to Jen, I hate that Audrey did a childish test on Pacey and I hate that the writers chickened out of an interesting relationship dynamic. What a fucking waste. This season started off so strong and it is now just falling to pieces before my eyes. I know I blamed Ken Marino for leaving but honestly, they didn't have to resort to this and if he'd stayed I'd be hating the professor/student relationship they were pushing. So, what has broken so horribly here? Everything this show had going for it this season, it seems like they torched. It felt like they were setting up Joey and Pacey again but they pushed him onto Audrey which might have been fine since I like both of them but their relationship is terribly written. Jack has turned into a super background character and when he is here, he's usually acting like a dick. Dawson started to improve but then they broke him and Jen up which just makes me sad for Jen. Basically, I'm just team Jen for right now because I want her to be happy but the show is giving me nothing to grab onto right now because I'm not super invested in her and Oliver either.

Next episode is the 100th episode of Dawson's Creek and I really hope something good happens because ever since Joey got mugged, I've been less enthused by the storylines. Until then, stay safe and warm.