Glee - 220 - Prom Queen

 Original air date: May 10, 2011

We're getting close to closing out the second season of Glee. Just two more to go after this one and then it gets even worse? I mean, there are glimpses of good here and there but man, does it just go off the rails. Not even in that good a way either, more like frustrating. I will stand by the first 13 forever as an enjoyable and goofy show, even if some of the jokes haven't aged well, it's still the most solidly written the show has been and will ever be. That being said, this show's decline is fascinating to me, it petered out so quickly and so spectacularly that I'm amazed it stayed so popular and that Ryan Murphy continues to get show deal after show deal despite being not that great a writer. I digress though so let's get on to the episode proper.

We start of the episode with my arch nemesis, Jacob Ben Israel. Will this show ever tire of this creep? I had hoped that he was cast out into the sea of forgotten characters, never to be seen again but no, he just keeps coming back. Like a cat but one that no one likes. He's talking to Puck about the prom king and queen votes that puts them 10 points behind Finn and Quinn. He's not bothered because they're ahead of Santana and Karofsky and they'll close the gap using intimidation and fear. Jacob then asks him where Lauren keeps his balls because the joke is she's neutered Puck. Puck threatens to beat JBI up but he's not scared because he's been punched by a girl before. Just one? Seems low. Puck is upset by his ruined reputation which is a story line we've already done with Puck because it's apparently the only thing they can think of to do with this character. 

Figgins has Sue and Will in his office to deliver some bad news. The band he hired for prom has cancelled and it was apparently Air Supply. Yikes. Figgins has terrible taste in music because his next favourite group is New Directions. He wants the glee club to sing for prom. Sue hates the idea and Will is actually also against it because they have to focus on Nationals and they still don't have enough money to go. Figgins offers them $400 for their troubles which can go towards sending them to New York. Sue reluctantly agrees but then says that they are banned from singing certain songs. Run Joey Run being one of them and how dare she? That was iconic.

This will never not be funny to me. It's perfect

The other song she bans is the Hair/Crazy in Love mash up and yeah, that's fine. Will just leaves because he's done with her schtick.

The girls are all talking about their prom dresses and how it's such an important night. I laugh only because I've mostly forgotten that night because it's really not that big a deal. It never looks as cool as it does on tv shows, nothing magical happens. It's just a school dance where you wear fancy clothes and everyone drinks a little too much and gets sloppy. Mercedes is glad that she doesn't have to deal with dresses because she's not going. Everyone asks her why and she tells them because no one asked her. This is so weird to me, is prom really a thing you have to go to as a couple? Most of the people in my grade went solo. Seems more fun that way to me, just a big party with friends not this weird couples thing that's treated like marriage in some places.

Will comes in and tells everyone that they're going to perform at prom and I laugh because Rachel pipes up that they should do Run Joey Run. Will kind of breezes past this suggestion and gets down to business by saying that he knows it's not ideal but they could really use the money for their trip. He says that he wants to work out a schedule with them so that they all get a chance to dance with their dates and Mercedes leaves the room because she's upset. Will asks what's up and Quinn says she doesn't have a date. Brittany is my girl because she doesn't see what the big deal is since she's going solo to dance. Then she says she's going to steal everyone else's dates because she's awesome. Can't argue. Kurt offers to go talk to Mercedes but Rachel offers to go instead.

Outside the room, Rachel admits to Mercedes that she also doesn't have a date. Mercedes laments the fact that she doesn't have a date for prom because she wanted just one night to feel like Cinderella and be told she's beautiful. Rachel offers for them to go together but Mercedes thinks that's even more depressing. Rachel has a plan though.

Kurt asks Blaine to prom but he seems reluctant. Blaine explains that he asked a guy to a Sadie Hawkins dance at his old school and they got beat up for it so going to a public school dance is a  sore spot for him. Kurt thinks this is his chance to change that but concedes that if he's super uncomfortable, they can just watch a movie together that night. Blaine can see that Kurt really wants to go so he relents and they agree to go to prom together to Kurt's delight.

Rachel and Mercedes approach a confused Sam and ask him to be their date to prom. Rachel explains it would be like a three way date but not the dirty kind. Sam is flattered but can't even afford to take one girl to prom. Rachel takes out some money and explains their idea, a prom on a budget. Sam will have to borrow a suit from his dad, Rachel and Mercedes are going to get $5 dresses at Goodwill, and they'll walk to prom after getting all you can eat pasta at Breadstix. Rachel is adamant that this is not charity, the $20 she gave him is a loan and Sam agrees. They all hug. My friend is giddy with delight at this Samchel moment, even if Mercedes is there.

Kurt is helping the girls pick out dresses, suggesting navy as a colour for Lauren and loving Santana in her red dress. He then has to go pick out his own outfit and they're all surprised he's going alone but then delighted when he says he's taking Blaine. Except Santana who pulls Kurt aside and offers him full security detail at the dance so that he'll be safe. Kurt asks why she'd do this and she says to get more votes for Prom Queen. 

Puck confronts Artie about prom and asks him to help him spike the punch. He wants to rebuild his reputation as a badass which, if it's Artie actually doing the spiking, wouldn't he then get the reputation from it? Anyway, Puck lays out the plan that since he's the prime suspect, he's going to distract Sue while Artie spikes the punch. Artie declines the offer because he doesn't think it will impress Brittany enough. He wants to win her back and go to prom with her. Dude, you torched that relationship like you torch all your relationships. Forget it and try to improve yourself first. 

Rachel is in the auditorium and there are a bunch of tech guys there (students who are moving around backgrounds for a high school play it looks like) and she is going to practice her song that she might sing for prom. It's Rolling in the Deep by Adele and I was stoked especially because Jesse shows up again and I love their voices together but something is just off with this version they're doing. I know their voices mesh, I know they're both fantastic singers, I have no idea what is so off about this. Do I hate it because it's not like the Adele version or do I hate it because it is actually bad? Maybe it's both. Rachel asks what he's doing here when they finish singing. Jesse explains that he flunked out of college because he wasn't aware that college wouldn't have someone take tests for you so you only had to focus on singing. Jesse also came to see her because she was his one big regret and Rachel acknowledges the weirdness of his abrupt heel turn last season. Are we going to get an explanation? Not a satisfying one that explains his emotions in that scene, just the fact that he traded his love for Rachel for a win at Nationals. Jesse thinks that it was a bum deal for a fourth consecutive win, might have been ok for a first win but not for a fourth. He then asks her to prom. Maybe I'm off base about their performance though so I'll put it here for your enjoyment/judgement.

We cut to Finn immediately confronting Rachel about Jesse because he somehow knows already? It's very rich for Finn to be mad that Rachel is talking to another guy when he dumped her and is dating Quinn. Rachel points that out to him that he doesn't get to tell her what to do anymore. I posit that he should never be able to tell her what to do, dating or not. This is another line that screams *this was written by a man who doesn't understand women* Or just poor phrasing but you know how I feel about these guys so I am biased to think the worst of them. Rachel asks him to be as supportive of her as she has been with him and Quinn even though it kills her to see them together. Uh, last episode you were feeding him negative opinions about Quinn and needling her about cheating on him, I wouldn't call that supportive. Finn then starts complaining about Quinn and prom and Rachel just tells him to get a simple corsage for her, a gardenia with a light green ribbon to match Quinn's eyes and all the Faberry shippers went wild at this, I'm sure. Rachel then walks off crying. 

Karofsky is reporting to Santana over walkie talkie about the hallway being clear. Santana then walks Kurt down the hall, loudly proclaiming that the way is safe for him to proceed. Kurt asks why she's speaking so loudly and she tells him that she's the law and order candidate and then loudly shouts about how she's making the halls safe for everyone. A girl bumps into Kurt and Santana is ready to throw down but Kurt says he's going to walk away from her now, clearly uncomfortable with her weird display.

Brittany is in cooking class with Tina, and Kurt when Artie busts in to ask for her forgiveness and ask her to prom. He sings Isn't She Lovely by Stevie Wonder. He's helped by the other boys of Glee, sans Kurt and when they're done, Artie asks what she thinks. Brittany shuts him down and it's the greatest moment I've ever witnessed. She's like, yeah that was nice but you called me stupid and I didn't like that. I'm going to prom by myself, bitches. Proving that she really does just want to dance, especially with other people's dates and is comfy being single. I kind of love her? Why can't we get this Brittany more and not the childish, easy to manipulate Brittany? Artie is sad and I could not care less. Puck asks if he's now in for spiking the punch and Artie agrees because he has nothing to live for anyway. 

At the Hummel house, Blaine asks Finn if he can jam with them at prom and while I scream NOOOO, Finn tells him yes. Boo. It was nice to have a break from Blaine's voice for like two seconds. Burt comes in and tells them he got them half off their suits at his buddy Enzo's shop but Kurt says he doesn't need that because he made his own. It's a fancy waistcoat thing with a green kilt and high boots. I like the waistcoat but the whole outfit doesn't do it for me. Finn loves it but both Burt and Blaine have reservations. They think he's being too showy and they don't want him to invite trouble but Kurt is adamant that he wear what he wants to wear at prom. I agree with both this time? Like I get why Burt is worried but also, it's not fair that Kurt would have to change an outfit he loves and worked hard on because some people might be assholes. It's a shitty situation all around.

The next day at school, Karofsky is walking Kurt down the hall for security. Kurt points out that no one has been giving him a hard time but Karofsky thinks it's been because of him and Santana. Kurt thinks no one really cares anymore and that maybe he should consider coming out too. He tells Karofsky that it was easy to hate him when he was bullying him but now he just sees his pain and he feels bad. Karofsky starts to cry and tells Kurt how sorry he is for how he treated him. Kurt accepts his apology but is taken back by the crying and Karofsky quickly collects himself and walks off after telling Kurt to wait for him after class.

At the Fabray house, Quinn is getting ready for prom and fantasizing about winning Prom Queen. Her mom calls her downstairs where Finn is waiting. She walks down the stairs in true She's All That fashion, minus the trip, and Finn says she's the prettiest girl he's ever seen. He gives her the corsage, a gardenia with a light green ribbon, and Quinn mentions how it matches her eyes. The Faberry shippers may have exploded, I'm not sure but this was not a fair tease. Come on, Rachel picks out her corsage based on Quinn's eye colour and then Quinn mentions that exact reason after seeing it? Can you say same wavelength? 

At Breadstix our prom on a budget quartet is sitting at a booth and complimenting each others' looks. Sam asks Jesse for his opinion on his bolo tie, he thinks it makes him look like Bruce Springsteen and Jesse says that was 20 years ago which is odd. I know they're trying to make him a blowhard so we know this time that we're not supposed to root for him and Rachel but I would think he'd be big into classic rock as his team sang it all the time? Jesse mentions Sam's situation and Rachel apologizes and explains that she filled him in. Sam looks uncomfortable but Jesse brushes past it saying that it's ok because Sam has nothing to be ashamed of. Jesse mentions that he wants to start a consulting business for show choirs and Rachel excitedly says that they could hire him for Nationals.

Finn and Quinn come in and Finn is automatically a douche to Jesse. Jesse fires right back at him and Mercedes cuts in that they're ruining the vibe. Mercedes compliments Quinn and Finn and tells them to get lost because they'll see them at prom. The remaining four cheer on their prom night, excitedly and I love it.

We cut to prom where Puck, Sam, and Artie are performing Friday by Rebecca Black and I completely forgot that they did this. 2011 was when Friday dropped? Man, it's already been a decade, that makes me feel hella old. It's weirdly catchy but having competent singers almost makes the lyrics worse? It really worked as a horrible song sung by a horrible voice (though fair play to Rebecca, she has worked on her voice and sounds lovely now). Brittany is having the time of her life dancing to this song and I really love her dress.

Brittany is the best this episode

Next, Rachel is singing Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri which is an odd choice for a couple's slow dance song since it's about a player who breaks hearts but oh well. Rachel is giving Finn looks while singing it, because she's singing it about him breaking her heart, of course. Blaine and Kurt are dancing and talking about how nice the prom is because everyone has someone. Sam walks over to Mercedes who is sitting by herself. He tells her she looks beautiful and asks her to dance, giving her the Cinderella moment she wanted. Quinn tells Finn how happy she is to be here with her because it's all she ever wanted.

Puck tells Artie it's go time and goes to distract Sue. He asks her to dance even though there is no music and he tries to pull her away but she looks back at the punch bowl to see Artie spiking it. She stops him and hauls him to her office. Sue is laying out dental equipment and Artie freaks that she's going to pull his teeth. Sue says she won't because she'll go to prison but says she's going to clean his teeth which is painful. Artie asks who her dentist is and of course, she says she does it herself. Artie says that all he wants is to have one dance with Brittany which upsets Sue because he just told her the one thing he wants and that he's the worst POW ever. Sue being over the top evil is the stalest joke in Glee and it's one they are going to hammer into the ground to absurd extremes. It's not even funny, it's just weird. Like Artie both seems scared but also bored and like he doesn't care and he's not selling me on this scene at all. What is the joke here? That a teacher is interrogating a student and disappointed that she can't torture him for fun? This is weird but just wait until season 6, folks. 

It's Blaine's turn to sing and he's backed up by Tina and Brittany. They are singing I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance With You by Black Kids. During the song, Jesse starts kissing Rachel's neck and she laughs. This enrages Finn because he never makes her that happy and he charges over to tell them to knock it off like some nun at a Catholic school. Jesse says it's none of "YB - Your Business" and I hate that. If you have to explain the acronym, DON'T USE IT. Finn says it's his school and Jesse's like, this isn't your girlfriend though so beat it. Finn doesn't like that and pushes him so Jesse pushes back and things start to escalate. Becky runs to get Sue who is about to pull one of Artie's teeth so I guess she doesn't care about going to jail? Sue breaks them up and kicks Finn and Jesse out of prom to Quinn's utter disappointment since they're nominated for prom royalty. 

Figgins gathers the nominees on the stage and announces the junior prom king winner and surprising me, it's Karofsky. Santana is delighted because she's sure this means she won. Figgins then says that there were a number of write in votes for prom queen and then looks a bit solemn when he sees the name and says it's Kurt Hummel. All eyes on Kurt, he runs out of the gym crying. Blaine goes after him to try and calm him down but Kurt is livid. The students were all too cowardly to bully him in public and instead resorted to anonymous ballot to do it.  

Rachel goes after an upset Quinn who has run into the bathroom. She tries to console her but Quinn won't hear it. She thinks it's Rachel's fault she didn't get votes because everyone knew Finn wants to be with her. Rachel tells her it's not true and Quinn slaps her across the fucking face. It's so dramatic, I love it. Quinn feels bad and apologizes right after but my god, the slap is so funny.

Yes, I did make this extra large because it needs to be seen as big as possible.

Santana has also run out crying and is comforted by Brittany. She doesn't get how her running mate won and she didn't and asks why everyone hates her just because she hates them. Brittany points out that it's just a stupid plastic crown you can buy at the dollar store and just why is she so good this episode? More of this Brittany please. Santana bemoans the fact that she'll be an outsider her whole life and wanted one night where she could be a queen.

Kurt, Quinn, and Santana all say they're not going back, transferring schools, and bailing in New York to live in a lesbian colony, respectively. We cut fully to Kurt and Blaine who talk about what they want to do if not go back out there. Kurt then gets a determined look and says that he's not going to let them bully him because this prom was supposed to be about them standing up for themselves. He says he's going to go back out there and get coronated and show the whole school that they can't touch him. 

In the bathroom, Rachel is taking the slap pretty much like I did, appreciating the drama of it. Quinn says she's terrified of the future and what it holds for her. Rachel tells Quinn that she's the prettiest girl she's ever met and I'm pretty sure the Faberry shippers have now combusted from joy. She also tells Quinn she's a lot more then that and dries her tears for her, the Faberry's are now deceased. You have killed them but they are very happy. 

Santana worries that everyone could sense that she's a lesbian and Brittany says that no one knows what she's hiding but they know she's not being her authentic self. Brittany tells her to embrace herself more and if she'd done that, she would have won. Brittany says that she voted for Santana. Santana asks what she should do now and Brittany hands her tissues and tells her they're going back out to be there for Kurt. Meanwhile, Blaine holds out tissues for Kurt and asks if he's ready to go out there.

Sue is tired of interrogating Artie and asks him to tell her who put him up to it. Artie says that he's not going to blame someone else for something he did. He did it to impress a girl but he felt guilty about getting people drunk so he poured a flask of lemonade into the punch. Sue is pissed that he didn't do it and says he should be ashamed of himself for being no fun to interrogate or almost torture. She lets him out of her office and none of this was funny or interesting to me. Just a complete bomb of a bit.

Kurt walks back into prom and onto the stage where Figgins is waiting. Figgins announces Kurt as their Prom Queen and crowns him to the utter silence of the crowd. Kurt goes to the mic and I honestly thought he was going to make an impassioned speech but instead he just says "Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton" and everyone cheers for him. I like that he kept it short so I'm not even going to mention the "and then everyone clapped" trope. Oops, I just did well it is but it's not a super painful one so there. Kurt and Karofsky go to have their first dance and Kurt urges him to take the opportunity to come out. Karofsky can't and runs out, leaving Kurt alone for his dance until Blaine pops in to offer to dance with him instead. Kurt gets a magical night. They dance to Dancing Queen by ABBA which seems a bit mean but whatever, everyone is having a good time and Santana and Mercedes do a great job of it. We end the episode with snapshots of the rest of the night and no resolution for the Finn and Jesse getting booted from Prom story. 

Look at them all hanging out and having fun without Finn. Loser

This was messy but enjoyable which is honestly some of the best you can hope for in Glee. I never much got into the shipping on this show but I have to admit that Rachel and Quinn have more chemistry together than either of them have with Finn. That might have been interesting but I don't think FOX would have been ready for a lead who was gay so here we are. Just two episodes left this season and I've got to say that Funeral feels a little out of place between this and the season finale but maybe it will surprise me. Until then, stay cool.