Glee - 214 - Blame it on the Alcohol

 Original air date: February 22, 2011

Ok, I was completely wrong from last recap. This is not the Katy Perry song episode, this is the Ke$ha episode. I remember hating her whole thing but I think I just hate the obnoxious drunk girl aesthetic she went for or that was pushed on her to perform? It's just not my scene and that's because I very rarely drink and have never felt the need to get super passed out drunk so the whole "omg look at me and what a drunken wreck I am!" never impressed me? That said, I'm not against drinking, so this isn't a morality thing, I just don't really like the taste that much. Let's see how the Glee kids deal with alcohol.

We start the episode with Figgins telling Will that alcoholism is becoming a huge issue in the school with kids showing up drunk to class every day. I know Glee likes to "wacky" things up to surreal and cartoonish levels but like, this doesn't seem like an issue that would be this wide-spread. However, the kids at McKinley do seem to be having a grand ole time just partying in the halls. Figgins has decided to have an alcohol awareness week at the school and wants the New Directions to perform a song warning about the dangers of alcoholism. Will agrees so we have our theme and set up for the episode. Alcohol. Not the dangers of, though. Just alcohol. Let's see where this goes.

Will bursts into the staff room with a gift and confronts Emma about their not being friends anymore. He gives her the gift because he heard she and Carl were looking for a house and wanted to get them a house warming gift. It's a toaster and he brags that it's a two slicer which is literally just a standard toaster. Don't brag about that and also get her a 4 slicer at least, you cheapskate. She asks how he's doing and he brings up the glee club but she wants to talk about how he's doing as a person. He is nothing without the glee club though and Sue is quick to point out how sucky his life is, telling him to enroll in AA so that once he reaches the top of the 12-step program, she can knock him back down. Emma and everyone who watches this show wants to know how she got to be coach of the rival glee team and she explains it away with manslaughter. She shoved the coach down the stairs and then claimed that no one wants to coach glee club because it's for losers so she was able to step in. Sure, checks out. We'll just add this to the list of hundreds of reasons that Sue should be in jail by this point.

Rachel is sitting at a piano in the choir room when Puck comes in and asks about her being home alone for the weekend. There is no real explanation as to how he knows that and I'm kind of stuck on this fact because no, Puck, you shouldn't know this and it's not funny that you do. She says that her fathers left her alone because they could trust her and Puck says it's because she's boring. I was always left alone and it was absolutely because I was boring but also lazy. Ain't no way I was cleaning up after a party, especially if someone was going to puke. I don't do puke. No thank you. Finn comes in then and Rachel says she brought him there to listen to how her songwriting is going. 

The song is pretty funny though but obviously it's not good. Finn says that if she wants to be an artist, she needs to live and experience things. This makes Rachel instantly rethink turning down Puck and goes to find him to throw a party.

The glee kids are all debating if they'll show at Rachel's party or not, each one not wanting to go unless the others are going. Santana loops Puck in with them and they get him to purchase alcohol for them because Santana can't do a Rachel Berry party sober. Brittany brings up that it's alcohol awareness week but no one cares and I can't decide if this episode is trying to be a PSA or mock them or is trying to do both and failing, like with the Bieber episode. Anyway, Puck promises them alcohol and so they all agree to go.

Rachel greets Kurt and Blaine at her house and Blaine assures her that he's there as a friend, even ditching the Warbler uniform for casual wear and looks much better for it. Finn is only there because Kurt blackmailed him into coming so uh, yeah Finn certainly is Rachel's OTP. Doesn't even want to hang out with her or support her party or songwriting. Cool. He's such a catch. Rachel excitedly asks Quinn if she's having a good time but she had been watching Santana and Sam make out so she sarcastically agrees she's having a great time. Everyone wants to go which makes Rachel panic until Puck convinces her to let him get everyone drunk.

Finn and Kurt aren't drinking, Finn is the driver and Kurt just wants to impress Blaine who himself has gotten piss drunk. Rachel falls all over Finn and then Finn starts listing off the types of drunks which are ONLY the girls of Glee because only girls have specific stereotypes when they drink, I guess. Hello, male writers, I see you and this little sly bit of misogyny here. And if you think he's just being fun and goofy, he's not. He uses this as a way to segue into calling Rachel a needy drunk who is not cool. Mmm, so romantic. He cares just so much for her, you guys. OTP for sure. Rachel isn't having this and decides to start a game of spin the bottle. Brittany spins first and it lands on Sam. Santana is not impressed because she owns those lips.

The show's obsession with Chord/Sam's lips is worrying though

Next up is Rachel and Blaine and she drunkenly kisses him to Kurt's initial amusement and then horror when it seems that they get into it and don't want to stop. Rachel looks smitten and declares that she's found her new duet partner. They then sing Don't You Want Me, Baby? by The Human League which sounds like a band of aliens trying to pass themselves off as humans. The rest of the glee club parties to their singing and everyone has a blast. It is actually a lot of fun to see them all getting along, I'll admit.

The next morning at the Hummel house, Burt is asking Kurt for help in making brunch items and goes upstairs to his room. He knocks but then goes right in only to realize that the lump in bed is not his son but Blaine and Kurt is in the bathroom. He awkwardly leaves as any parent might which is the better option out of the parent that immediately flips out and kicks everyone out of the house.

At school, the rest of the glee club is complaining about their hangovers. How much did they drink that their hangovers lasted through the weekend into the school week? Damn. Anyway, Artie offers them Bloody Mary's to drink because hair of the dog that bit you is the best remedy or something. This transition into them performing the episode's title, Blame it on the Alcohol by Jamie Foxx and featuring T-Pain. Will loves the performance but is worried that the song makes drinking cool. The kids start to protest saying that all songs make drinking sound cool which I highly disagree with. These kids need to listen to the blues because that's all about being sad and drunk, well like most of it is. It's just not fun and light because duh. Quinn thinks that Will is a hypocrite because he drinks and is telling them not to. Will says he has a beer every now and then but doesn't get drunk but then says that they all need to brainstorm a song to perform that is anti-drinking. 

Will worries to Bieste that he's out of touch with the kids and it makes me flash back to when he was confused that no one liked his rap. No reason, just thinking about that, randomly. She asks him if anything else is bothering him that's making him take a bunch of kids bagging on him about drinking a bit so seriously. Will brings up his divorce, Sue coaching the rival glee club, and Emma looking for a house with her perfect dentist husband. Bieste asks him what he does to relieve stress and then invites him to a Roadhouse bar. 

Kurt and Blaine are getting coffee in their usual shop and are chatting about the party where he made out with Rachel the whole time. He's embarrassed but then gets a call from Rachel. Kurt listens in gleefully, waiting for Rachel to get turned down but is disappointed when it seems Blaine is agreeable to Rachel asking him out. Ok, so this part. I really hate this part. Blaine liked kissing Rachel and is now questioning his sexuality and wonders whether or not he's bisexual. Kurt gets super mad at him because he's adamant that Blaine is gay and look, the only one who knows your sexuality is you. No one else can tell you how you're feeling or who you're attracted to you and never ever let anyone tell you. This feels really gross. Even though Kurt is called out for his biphobia, it becomes really clear later on that Kurt is supposed to be in the right here. Especially with the dig about bisexual being what gay people call themselves in high school so they can hold hands with a girl and feel normal for once. That's gonna be a yikes from me.

Now we're at Rosalita's Roadhouse where Bieste has taken Will to loosen up a bit. They drink and have fun but then Will gets called up onstage to sing with the band. Both he and Bieste sing the House Rent Blues or One Bourbon, One Scotch, One Beer as it's more commonly known by George Thorogood and the Destroyers. House Rent Boogie was an old song by John Lee Hooker and One Bourbon was originally performed by Amos Milburn but was also performed by John Lee Hooker. George Thorogood decided to combine the two songs with House Rent Boogie (or Blues as he titled it) serving as an intro to One Bourbon. It's a cool mashup but a loooong song which Glee cut down quite a bit, reducing it to the first story and right into about two verses of the main song. I'm sorry, my dad is a blues fan and we definitely listened to this one a lot. We actually quote one part of it to each other regularly because we're a family of gigantic nerds. Basically, don't say any variation of "that's funny" to us unless you want us to pull out our best George Thorogood impression and tell you "Everybody funny, now you funny too".  Basically, this is one Glee version that I'd really rather just hear any version but theirs but if you like this, cool. 

Kurt is helping Rachel clean up her house...like three days after the party? Damn, Rachel, how drunk were you that you left that for so long? Rachel doesn't buy that Kurt wanted to help because she knows he wants to hear how her date with Blaine went. She gushes that she had a lovely time and that they have so much in common. Kurt ridicules her and says that Blaine will be the first in a long line of gay men that will realize their true sexuality after dating her which is all kinds of rude to her and dismissive of Blaine's own exploring but who are we kidding? This show is written by a gay man who clearly has a lot of shit he needs to work through about his own sexuality and experiences so that he can be less judgemental of others' experiences. Kurt thinks they only like each other because they're drunk (which is I think the joke they're trying to go with and didn't realize the gigantic can of worms that they opened and are now scrambling to try to close but the worms are everywhere now, spilling out onto the floor in a big messy pile that will never be properly cleaned up. I'm sorry for that imagery), so Rachel decides to quit drinking to prove that they will like each other without alcohol. 

I don't like how he's smugly telling her that Blaine doesn't like her when
Blaine already told him he wanted to explore that for himself.

Bieste drops Will off at home, they're both super drunk but they took a cab so it's ok. She tells him not to worry so much about the kids because they're going to do what they do and all they can do is warn them of the dangers of drinking. It's true, they're teenagers and they're going to want to try what the adults do especially when commercials and movies and shows hype up how much fun you can have with alcohol. Most kids will be fine, some will do stupid shit, hopefully they grow out of the need to get black out drunk. Bieste leaves and Will decides to make a drunken phone call to Emma. This should end super well.

Figgins confronts a very hungover Will and excitedly talks about the concert that the glee kids will be putting on. Will pivots away from the strong cologne smell that Figgins is wearing, Drakkar Noir, which is a cologne name that I now only associate with this image:

Anyone else remember Raising Hope?

Will finds Emma and starts to apologize for leaving her a message but oops, she has no idea what he's talking about. He tries to brush it off but Sue then hands him papers with various AA and rehab numbers on it because he has a problem. Will is confused for a second but ultimately realizes that in his drunken state, he accidentally dialed Sue.

Kurt and Burt are cooking together when Kurt brings up his worries about Blaine going on a date with Rachel. Burt is confused because he thought Blaine was gay but Kurt dismissively says that Blaine is experimenting. Burt then brings up Kurt having Blaine spend the night. It's weird because this is presented as if Burt wouldn't be upset if he caught a girl in Finn's bed and I honestly think he would be. It's natural for any parent to be uncomfortable with their highschool aged kids having sleepovers with a significant other or someone you know they hope were their significant other. I don't think Burt is out of line being uncomfortable here and Burt has been shown to be a sweet enough dad that I don't really buy that it's the gay thing that's bothering him. The episode wants us to think it is though and Kurt says that Burt should educate himself in case he wants to come to his father for advice. I don't think it's a bad suggestion but I really don't like the way Kurt implies that Burt is failing somehow as a father if he doesn't have all the answers. 

It's performance time and Rachel suggests that everyone have a shot of alcohol (going against a previous scene where she said she was swearing off alcohol to prove that she and Blaine really do like each other but oh well) to get rid of stage fright. Figgins introduces them as singing "Tik and also Tok by rapper Key dollar sign Ha" and it's the best thing. They perform the song and I remember how much I hated this song when it came out and it was everywhere. You couldn't escape it. I think I find it less obnoxious now or maybe time has made me kinder to it but it's still not something I'd throw on to listen to. Brittany is the one doing the lead singing which works really well. That is, until she pukes on stage, followed quickly by Santana. Brittany gives a weak line about drinking with caution before we cut to the next scene.

Becky is at the intercom and does the Grease xylophone thing to signal an incoming message. Is that something schools used to do? I see it in movies but at my school, whoever was making the announcement just started talking and the only thing that preceded it was maybe a bit of static from them turning the PA system on. Sue is obviously not happy with the performance and takes this opportunity to really kick Will when he's down. He plays the whole drunken message Will left for Emma (having misdialed Sue) and it includes gross sexual innuendos about how he rode the mechanical bull and thought of her and also suggested ignoring her marriage and running off to spend the night with him. Welp, there goes your friendship with Emma. 

The kids are freaking out about being suspended but in a weird turn of events, Figgins now thinks that the performance went well? Is it weird that Push It, which ended with everyone quite enjoying it got them in more trouble than Tik Tok where they were drunk and vomited on the stage to shocked silence got them praise? Figgins does think that Will needs some help with his sex addition and gave his name to a pastor. Honestly, Sue should probably be in trouble for playing that recording to the students but I guess we're gonna ignore that because this is an episode where Figgins is entirely incompetent and overly nice this episode. 

Brittany is torn because she never wants to drink again but the lesson they've just learned is that alcohol actually did help them do well at the performance. Will tells them that while everything happened to work out, their drinking at school and before a performance was unprofessional and not only that, the mere fact that they were drinking is illegal. Santana asks what there is to live for if not drink and oh my god, that is a huge red flag. If Will was actually in the business of caring for kids, he should be sending her to the guidance counsellor or the school social worker because if she feels that way, that is sad. Like, drinking can be fun and sociable, I acknowledge that but if it's the only way you can have fun or see value in your life? You might have a problem that needs looking into. Seek professional help because you are using alcohol to self-medicate and that's dangerous. Of course, it's used as a way for Will to be ridiculed because he tries meekly to say he has other things in his life but when the kids ask what, he immediately changes the subject by just saying flat out that he'll quit drinking full stop. Admirable but all of this is very surface level and doesn't get into the meat of what a discussion on drinking could and arguably should be. I don't know how Glee got a reputation for being inclusive because they're bullies and I especially don't get how they were praised for tackling difficult subjects when so far, they've handled all of them poorly, including bullying. 

Will's idea is to quit drinking until after Nationals, as if they are training and trying to keep in peak shape. He also gives them his number for them to call if they happen to fall off the wagon and need a ride home. I don't know that I'd like an adult male to give my kid his private number to call when they're drunk and vulnerable. It's admirable and I think Will seems to want the best for these kids but as a parent, I wouldn't like it. Feels like a boundary being crossed here. Finn asks what will happen after Nationals, and Will says he'll buy them all sparkling cider. The kids seem happy with this and while cider is super low in alcohol, it's still weird that he would promise to buy it for them without parent consent. Will be crossing a lot of parental boundaries this episode. 

Do we get a resolution on Blaine's possibly being bisexual? Why yes in this short little end scene where Rachel meets up with him and Kurt at the coffee shop. She goes in for a kiss and looks expectantly at him. Blaine then states that he is, in fact, 100% gay and thanks her before asking her to hold his place in line to go to the bathroom. Rude. Kurt is obviously happy and kind of smug about being right about his non-bi status (thus reinforcing his thesis that gay men only say they're bi in high school to straight pass or some junk which is super gross) but he does check in to see if Rachel is ok. Rachel is ecstatic because she had an affair with a man who turned out to be gay which is song writing gold and runs off to write. Thus, endeth the episode. 

Rachel deserves better from everyone on this show.
Fight me.

Well, what did we learn today? Nothing? That sounds about right for Glee. Allow me to at least try to tackle the subjects they brought up. Underage drinking can be a problem, if you kid has developed a need to get drunk or only feel happy when they're drunk. Otherwise, I do think it's pretty normal for a teenager to want to experiment with drinking as they see adults around them drink all the time and it does look fun. I'm an anomaly, my parents drank around me and had parties with their friends, not all the time but when they had company, sure) and I ended up just not being interested at all. Most kids are going to want to see what the fuss is about and I think it's inevitable that they're going to try it so why not offer them a safe place to try it? Let them have a sip of wine with dinner if they want to try it. Let them have some friends over with some beer and provide safe rides home or a place for them to crash. I know that's unpopular but a kid's not going to take you seriously if you drink and tell them they can't because of arbitrary age rules. And don't be too lenient and just let them party wild, just be reasonable. If we build up this mystique around alcohol it's just going to become that more alluring and they'll seek it out at places that may not be safe for them. I don't know, just try to talk to them like adults about it. 

On to the discussion of sexuality. Oh my god, please do not listen to this show and what it says this episode. Sexuality is fluid and personal and you should be allowed to figure out what you do and don't like. Bisexuality is valid. Asexuality is valid. Aromantic is valid. Everyone's feelings and experiences are valid and shouldn't be mocked or made to feel non-existent because they are not oppressed enough. There are definitely greater dangers to people who are gay and transgendered and they need protections but that doesn't preclude the other forms of gender and sexual expression to be invalid. A person is still bisexual whether they're in a gay relationship or a straight one. They don't stop being attracted to one gender just because they are in a relationship. If the Glee writers really wanted to explore this, I think they should have taken more care to present this in a more serious light. It's pretty clear to me that they just went from, wouldn't it be funny if Rachel and Blaine liked each other only because they were drunk and then tried to put in a weak mention of bisexuality when they realized what that would mean for Blaine to question that. 

A big part of what makes someone a good writer, in my opinion, is one's ability to empathize with and listen to other people's experiences and the Glee writers clearly have no interest in that. For all their posturing about being pro-LGBTQA, they certainly present a lot of pretty toxic positions on it. They are very binary, is what I'm saying. You're either straight or you're gay, full stop. There is no gray area and that is such a plain world to live in. If I can leave you with anything, it's learn some empathy and compassion and don't be hard on kids for wanting to try something they see you do. I'm not sure things will improve in next episode's Sexy because Holly Holiday makes a comeback and my opinion of Gwynyth Paltrow only gets worse the more I learn about and see her. Until then!