Glee - 213 - Comeback

 Original air date: February 15, 2011

Hello Dear Readers! I'm back and how beautifully serendipitous that I return to my recaps on a Glee episode with the name Comeback. I may have ended last recap not knowing who was making a comeback or why but I can happily say that I am making my grand comeback to the world of sight. I'm super happy and grateful that my surgery went well and I can come back to all the things I enjoy doing like spilling my silly musings to you folks about shows no one watches anymore. Thank you for your patience, thank you for your visits and I hope I can keep entertaining you all for years to come. Let's get right into it.

We open the episode on Will who is proudly saying he actually learned something in his Spanish class which is a weird thing for a teacher of said Spanish class to say. I think Will just admitted he's not a great teacher. Anyway, he learned a single word, regresar. He excitedly tells the glee club that it means 'to come back' which is what they are going to do at Regionals. I don't know what they're coming back from, they won Sectionals but go Glee club, I guess.

Suddenly, Emma bursts in saying it's an emergency and they run down the hall to Sue's office where Becky shows them Sue's journal entry. GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD! Emma worries that she could be dead already. Um, so why did you run to Will first in stead of, I don't know, calling in a wellness check for Sue immediately? Nah? You're just going to run to her house yourselves? Alright. 

They find Sue unconscious but actually, she's just stopped her heart because of CIA training? Yes, I phrased that as a question because it's absurd but it's not the most absurd thing Glee has done so I guess I have to let it pass. Sue is upset because of her humiliating defeat at Nationals where she was then ridiculed by Katie Couric, if you'll recall. After being super concerned for Sue's well being, Will starts berating her for being petty and manipulative and like, I get it. Sue sucks but is now really the time to be shaming her, Will? After you thought she was going to kill herself and seems really depressed? Sue sucks and you don't have to care but maybe don't make her feel worse at this point. Just a suggestion.

Now, clearly the writers wanted to milk the drama of the love triangle they set up for a little more drama because I thought last episode Finn and Quinn ended things and Sam definitely knew they had kissed more than once since they both got mono but here, Sam still wants to know if he and Quinn are on for their date at a pottery painting place. Quinn looks completely floored that he actually wants to do pottery painting and not that Sam still thinks their dating so I guess we're to believe that he didn't figure things out last episode? We are quickly told that Sam knows things are weird between them since she got mono but that she explained to him that she got it from Finn because she performed CPR on him. Apparently he was choking on a gumball and Sam said that he almost choked on one once so I guess the writers are settling on him being a bit of a himbo then?

Sam does feel like he's losing her though and his dad always told him there were two ways to win girls: take her hunting and rock and roll. Um, no thank you on the hunting. Rock and roll sure but Sam's idea of rock and roll does not resemble our Earth idea of rock and roll because he wants to be like Bieber. He's singing Baby, in fact and that is the most poppy number ever without a trace of rock in it. Have they heard rock songs? Ever? 

I don't think he looked as ridiculous as everyone was making it out to be

Now I remember this episode and I also remember being very annoyed with it. I could never place my finger on exactly why but I think it's that Glee seems to want to jump in on the Bieber hate while simultaneously praising him? And it feels very stale and transparent. The writers are definitely trying to have their cake and eat it too and I get it, the popular thing was to hate Bieber at the time, I sure as hell did. However, at the same time, they also want to be able to license his songs. So, they are in a precarious spot of wanting to follow the trend while also not pissing off Bieber to the point that he or rather his team, wouldn't let them use his songs. The compromise? Somehow we're supposed to find it funny that Sam is aping Bieber but he's also being heavily rewarded for it. At first you think, ok but he's only really going to attract 13 year old girls which is a  whole lot of yikes for a kid who's supposed to be 16, not illegal but certainly uncomfortable because 3 teen years might as well be a decade apart in terms of maturity levels. But he also somehow gets high school girls, these high school girls being played by 20-somethings and let me tell you, none of them should find Bieber at this time hot. Ew. I don't even think actual high schoolers at the time thought he was hot because they'd already aged out of that. 

I also want to touch on something and it's that, I didn't hate Bieber so much as everyone around him that pushed him to sing the songs and act like he did at that age. It's the same thing with Aaron Carter. Kids that age, singing adult sounding lyrics is creepy as fuck. You cannot change my mind. I was in high school at the time that Aaron dropped I got a crush on you and I can't for the life of me fathom why anyone over 10 would have found that appealing. There's just layers of squick to that music video where a literal child is singing about having a crush on an older woman, only for him to (thankfully) walk off with an age appropriate girl at the end while the woman is for some reason, disappointed?? Who came up with that? I have so many questions for you and I really think everyone involved needs to take a seat over there, with Chris Hansen.

We next see Rachel confronting Brittany about the leg warmers that she is wearing on her arms. Apparently, Rachel gave Brittany those leg warmers so that she could recreate a signature look of Rachel's and make her trend. Brittany got cold though and wants to wear them on her arms. Rachel agrees to let her wear them this way as long as she tells people that she got the idea from her. She is done focusing on boys and wants to make a career comeback.

Sue is storming down the hallway, outright abusing children and gleefully saying they should be prepared for more abuse because she has nothing but time. In reality, someone like this should never, ever be allowed on school property but, this is Glee. Instead, Will watches from afar as Tina gets thrown against a locker and Lauren gets her books knocked out of her hands by a fully grown adult and pontificates about how idle hands are the devil's plaything and that she might start coming after glee club next. Um, she's going after your glee kids right now, Will. You gonna do something? No? Ok. 

Sue bursts in to interrupt them and calls Emma, Esme and I admit, I still laugh at this gag. Not a big guffaw, just a nice sensible chuckle. Anyway, she basically just walked in so that Will can talk with her about finding a hobby. I don't see why he'd care, this is a fault of Glee writing. They never really consider who would talk to who and why. There is literally no reason why Will and Emma of all people should want to help Sue and absolutely no reason why she shouldn't be fired but this is a cartoonish universe so I guess normal rules don't apply. Anyway, the only time Sue feels good is when she sang along to some song I've never heard of and they don't play it so it doesn't matter, and Emma suggests she join the glee club. I swear to god, if I have to hear Sue sing this episode I'm gonna scream. I hate it when they shoe horn in songs for her. IT. MAKES. NO. SENSE. And she's not good enough to justify it, nor are the bits ever that funny or entertaining. Both Sue and Will are against the idea which is great but Emma talks Sue into it so here's our conflict for the episode. One of them. 

The glee club is not happy with this decision because of the hundreds of things Sue has done and will continue to do to them despite their being nice to her in the past because this show can't survive without Sue being the bad guy but also loves trying to redeem her to pull at our heartstrings which brings diminishing returns every time they try a storyline like this. I'm already bored of it and we're only halfway through season 2. Also Sue makes a disparaging comment about Santana's breasts which is honestly too many layers of gross for me to dissect right now. 

Moving on to Will, he's explaining that the theme for Regionals is "anthem" which Brittany thinks is the bottom of an ant's pants, bless her heart. Rachel knows and despite Will asking who knew what an anthem was, he just ignores her and explains it herself. Look, I get it. Rachel is a know-it-all when it comes to music and it can get annoying to have one person give all the answers but I honestly think it's just rude for a teacher to do this. She had her hand up, no one else did. Let her answer the damn question. If someone else had their hand up, I would totally understand Will's decision to pick them instead because you want to encourage other's to speak up but in this case, he's just a dick. Anyway, Sam decides that this is a great opportunity to unleash his one-man band, The Justin Bieber Experience on everyone and we're treated to a full performance of Baby. Here's a prime example of this show being mixed on how it feels about Bieber because everyone was making fun of Sam for performing this song but then all the girls fall over him when he sings it. I think they were supposed to be coming around to it but it strikes me as belittling and mocking teen girls. I don't know why some men seem to think that all women are wired in exactly the same way, like fucking robots to the point that all of the girls would fall for this. I don't buy any of the girls on this show thinking Sam was cool for this performance and I like Sam. I've seen this joke more than once about how girls just can't resist boy bands and I hate it. I'm also kind of gutted that the Santana fanning herself gif comes from this performance. I've used that so many times and I think it's an insult that her reaction came from watching this performance. Santana would not have found Bieber hot. I choose to believe she was looking at Brittany or something but they're still trying to pretend she's straight, I guess. 

Later on, Sam is fixing his hair into the Bieber bang look in the boy's locker room when Puck, Mike, and Artie confront him. They want in because they saw how crazy the girls went for Bieber. Every time the guys talk about girls on this show I start to cringe. From calling them "chicks" to even more grossly saying "female chemistry". Does it surprise anyone that Artie threw up that gem? Is he the worst character on the show? I don't know. Everyone is pretty awful and are usually used as mouthpieces for the writers so...let me just check something real quick. Ryan Murphy, the writer for this episode, has some really rude and really gross ideas about women. He is a gay misogynist which I know most people think don't exist but yes, they do just as women misogynists exist. I don't care if this is written to be funny, it's a gross message and the men are always painted as correct because they show that Tina has lost interest in Mike since Valentine's Day since she got all her romance from that day and is crashing now. Uh, that's not how that works. Whatever, they are joining forces to be a 4-man Justin Bieber cover band. 

Finn comes in to be the one guy that doesn't like Bieber. Sam calls him out for kissing Quinn but Finn reiterates that she saved his life while walking away with a punchable smirk. The other guys don't care though, they want in the band and Sam agrees to let them in. Though, Mike's band name Bieber Fever is way better than Sam's band name. Just saying.

 Rachel sees that a bunch of other girls have started wearing leg warmers on their arms the way that Brittany did the other day. The look has caught on but obviously because of Brittany and not her and she is not pleased. She demands her allowance money back from Brittany but it's too late, she already used the money to feed her uncle's llama, literally. So, Rachel demands that Brittany come to school tomorrow dressed exactly like her in a look that she defines herself as "Sexy schoolgirl librarian chic" which is a mouthful. But also bizarrely accurate. Brittany does not look happy but she is sweet so she agrees. 

Sue is writing in her diary about joining glee club and destroying it from the inside by pitting them against each other, which she makes sound like a new thing but that's actually what she's been doing since season 1. Like the first 13 episodes even and I realize I said that like it's been 5 seasons of this instead of this being in the second season but folks, she's done this so many times and it's only season 2 which is impressive. I'm already bored of this and I'm only on season 2. 

I've come to talk with you again...

Anyway, Mercedes goes into her office because Sue called her to chat. Blah, blah, blah, Sue asks her for advice about being a diva. Then we cut to Sue asking Rachel the same thing but after being given advice that sneaky Sue says that Mercedes was wrong about her. Rachel is shocked to hear Mercedes talk meanly about her even though she's done that lots in the past but for these couple of episodes their friends so please only remember that, the glee writers beg. We cut back in time to where Sue is still with Mercedes and tells her Rachel said bad things about her too. I wonder how this will pan out? She asked, knowing exactly how this will pan out.

Now Rachel and Mercedes are mad at each other. Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly given it's Glee, neither one of them clues into the fact that Sue is the one that told them the other was mean about them nor the fact that they didn't say anything. So, theoretically when they accuse each other, the other should have been like, I never said anything mean and then they could figure it out. But, the Glee writers are lazy and need a conflict so instead, Mercedes and Rachel are going to have a diva-off in glee club. 

Finn is still openly hitting on Quinn in the choir room even though, I thought she ended it with him last episode to think about her relationship? I guess we were supposed to infer that she meant she was still choosing between the two? Anyway, Sam, Artie, Puck, and Mike enter the room in full Bieber attire which Mercedes thinks is crazy but at the same time is probably going to be wooed by their performance because this episode can't decide if it loves or hates Bieber. They perform Somebody to Love which is a title already overused by two very recognizable and popular songs by Queen and Jefferson Airplane so excuse me while I go listen to one of those while these guys perform. 

The performance is such a turn on that Quinn has decided that her Friday is actually too busy for Finn. Lauren is apparently turned on by Bieber but does mention that he looks 12 and it's creepy but that still gets a yikes from me. She also makes a self-deprecating fat joke so, that's a double yikes. This is the writers thinking they're being progressive by making Puck fall in love with Lauren while being overwhelming fatphobic still. Like, see, Puck is in love with her so we're cool! When they're just trotting out fat joke after fat joke and basically snickering about how funny it is that Puck is obsessed with a "fat chick". Not buying your faux progressiveness here. Especially considering what happens next. Quinn agrees to paint clay pots with Sam who celebrates only to be confronted by Santana after she leaves. Santana is clearly moving in on Sam because she's "slutty" and we're supposed to hate her for messing up Quinn and Sam but like, Quinn already did that. She's really not better than Santana here. Honestly, Sam deserves better than both of them, if I'm honest. I just don't like that Santana is vilified for being slutty and getting implants, it's really gross. 

Case in point, Quinn is talking to Finn about how she chooses Sam because he's an artist and has confidence. Sounds nice but then she follows it up by whispering suggestively in Finn's ear that his being an artist really turns her on as if she's begging Finn to keep trying to win her over despite her just saying she chose Sam. I get it, drama but it's still terrible and this show better not expect me to feel bad for her when Santana steals Sam away from her.

Puck is watching Lauren wrestle and, after the match, asks her if guys ever get erections when they fight her. Don't say that to women, please. They get shit on enough when doing male dominated things but to also have to deal with being objectified while they do it is just a whole other level of gross that doesn't need to occupy their mind or inflame their anxiety. Anyway, she asks Puck for help with singing because she wants to be as great as Rachel. I mean, she can dream but it's not going to happen. Puck suggests picturing her audience in their underwear to see them as more vulnerable than you and she likes his suggestion. 

Sue is instructing Mercedes to make the diva-off a bloodbath and she is willing and able to go for the kill. Rachel compliments Brittany's Rachel-inspired outfit and wants her to walk the halls a lot so the look will go viral. Finn has succumbed to the power of the Biebs and is dressing like him too now much to Quinn's confusion. And I don't understand why she's confused because she basically told him to do this? Consistency? We don't know her. Anyway, Rachel and Mercedes sing Take Me or Leave Me from Rent and they get so into it that they end up making up with each other by the end of the song. Sue is disappointed she didn't brew hatred with her little ploy and they still don't pick up on the fact that Sue played them.

Will speaks with Sue in his office. He asks her if she has plans that night and she vehemently states that she will not date a curly. Even though she did. I assumed her "no, no, no, no" would be followed by "I'm not falling for that again." but apparently the Glee writers forgot about Hump Day. I didn't. I 'member and now you have to suffer too.

This will never leave my brain and I hate it

Actually, Will wants to bring her to a pediatric cancer ward and I start to die a little inside because I know where this is going. We've already been here with Rachel last season with the whole laryngitis episode. It's this really gross message that because someone else has it worse than you, you should feel good about your bad situation. Using someone else's pain to make you feel better. Nope. I don't like it. They sing with the kids This Little Light of Mine and it comes off more as Matthew and Jane doing this than their characters and feels really out of place in the episode. The kids are cute, I'm happy they got to sing with these two but I just don't like it in the episode. It feels manipulative. 

Moving on, we get Santana and Quinn getting along and wearing Rachel looks. Tina joins them in her own Rachel outfit and they gush about how great they all look. Rachel comes over, thinking that they're all going to credit her but nope, they all think Brittany created the look. Deflated, Rachel seeks out Brittany and demands her money back. Brittany says she spent it on a publicist and mentions Jacob Ben Israel and before we all run away screaming, we are not subjected to his appearance, just his name. Anyway, Rachel complains that she's trying to make a comeback but is stumped when Brittany asks her from what. Brittany then tells her she isn't a trendsetter and that she needs to deal with that and I...don't really know what they are trying to say with this storyline. Is it just a "let's shit on Rachel" thing? It seems so needlessly mean for Brittany to tear Rachel down like this. 

Lauren finally performs her first solo glee number. She acts superior and then awkwardly starts singing a song that is kind of...not that pleasant to listen to. People like the song, it's just...not vocally...it's kind of a talk song? It's I Know What Boys Like by The Waitresses which is actually a song written by a man for a woman and it's kind of aged that way. I'm sure some girls love it and think it's their anthem, I'm not really one of them but more power to you if you like it. Lauren eventually pictures the glee clubbers in their underwear, gains confidence and finishes the song out with big confidence. Sue is still displeased but everyone else seems to have liked Lauren's performance.

Sam is trying to do impressions for Santana but she is not impressed. She cuts him off and gives him her proposition. She will be his mistress. Sam says that he's dating Quinn but she flat out tells him that Quinn cheated on him and that he only believes the dumb gumball story so he can still be with her. She insults his lips because what is this show without making fun of its actors' insecurities? But she says she wants him and it will give him some buzz at the school. She tells him to think about it and walks away.

Sue storms into Will's office and tells him he has a problem. He asks if it's her but she tells him it's the glee kids and their poor comprehension skills. None of them did the assignment right and I guess I can't say she's wrong but she's definitely mostly talking about the guys because all her insults and caveats involve excluding Bieber stuff. Thankfully, we are spared a Sue solo because she is performing with the whole club. The song is SING by My Chemical Romance. Everyone has a great time, Sue will of course learn nothing and still hate the glee kids despite her smiling and being nice during this performance. 

Quinn is excited to go with Sam to the pottery painting place but Sam is no longer interested. He calls her out for kissing Finn and she can't deny it. Then he speaks Na'vi because he's a dork but Santana told him not to and it's revealed they are now dating. Odd, I thought Santana just wanted to be his mistress to fuck with everyone but she apparently wanted a boyfriend and Artie is taken, Mike is taken, Puck is interested in Lauren, and no one wants Finn. Quinn looks sad but honestly? She cheated on him first so I don't know what she expected. 

At the next glee practice Will is happy that Sue gave them a great song for Regionals but Rachel disagrees. She thinks that SING isn't good enough to give them the win and suggests writing an original song. She even says that Blaine and Kurt are like a one-two punch for The Warblers and like nah. For starters, Blaine isn't that good and lastly, they don't let Kurt sing lead vocals so The Warblers have nothing. Rachel insists that an original song is the way to go to beat their competition. They put it to a vote and literally no one agrees with her. I have to say, neither do I. People tend to like songs they recognize, it's just human nature. It would have to be an epically great song to trump familiarity in a competition setting about singing established songs. It's not a song writing competition, it's a singing competition for teens. I don't think this would fly. Rachel looks disappointed because this episode is the shit on Rachel episode and I feel bad for not agreeing with her but seriously, I don't like the idea of original songs either. 

Will happily talks to Sue but, you guys might need to sit down for this, she is back to hating them. I know, I know, you're all shocked but it's true. Sue is evil again and has somehow managed to become the new coach of their rivals, Oral Intensity. I don't understand this at all, it's the middle of the school year, she doesn't teach at that school, it makes no sense, but this is Glee, baby! Nothing makes sense here. Things just happen for conflict, paper thin conflict, and you will enjoy it. 

Next is a scene I hate with a passion. It starts with Rachel saying that Finn must be happy that Quinn is back on the market and that she'll be "easy pickings after what Sam did to her." After what SAM did to HER? Am I taking crazy pills here, or did Quinn cheat on Sam first? Also, Sam dumped her and told her straight up he was dating Santana. Did he move on quickly? Yes. Was her thing worse? HELL YES. She cheated on him repeatedly and kept stringing Finn along. I don't care if she said she chooses Sam after all that, she still did wrong and deserved to be dumped. 

Then before I've even had a chance to digest that rage, Finn pipes up saying he wants to talk about Rachel and how she's right, they should do original songs. I'm sorry, I don't think I saw your hand up at the vote there, Finn. You absolute dick weasel. I am getting mad at a fictional character but I don't care, that's a cowardly move to support someone but only in secret so that no one else knows. You just know he's going to jump on board publicly only after Rachel has done the hard work of convincing other people to do original songs. Tell me why this guy is the main love interest again? Because I don't see it. Rachel does call him out on this and he comes back with that it wouldn't have made a difference but like, yes it fucking would have. Because she would have at least felt a bit of support. He tells her to write a really kick ass song and shove it down their throats to prove she's right. Rachel asks if he wants to help her but nah, she should do it on her own. I just can't with this guy. He does tell her that she's the real talent and a trendsetter which is the thing she was vying to be seen as this whole episode and that cheers her up. He also says that the old her seems to be making a comeback which basically seals the deal with her and I'll admit, it was nice to see Rachel happy.

Glad we got to see her happy after an episode that dumped on her

It's just, she could do so much better. That was Comeback and it was...ok. Kind of middling and it's very clear the writers are getting bored or tired of creating conflicts for this show which bodes super well for the next 4 seasons. I think this show really would have benefited from only being 13 episodes every season. The first 13 felt so tight and purposeful and the extended stuff just feels so forced and drawn out. This is why I much prefer the shorter mini-series like things getting released today. Sometimes, it's nice to just get a main story and not a bunch of extra stuff. But then, this show banked on the songs, performances and concerts. Yes, there were glee concerts. So, the more songs they cover, the more CDs/downloads they could sell and the more material for concerts. I feel super bad for these actors. Did they ever get a break? 

Stay tuned for the next Glee recap where we'll be looking at Blame It on the Alcohol in which I think they cover Katy Perry and there is more Blaine. Oof.