Glee - 211 - The Sue Sylvester Shuffle

 Original air date: February 6, 2011

After a long three month break, Glee returned with a not too terrible episode. I mean, there are terrible elements but compared to the trifecta of Furt, Special Education, and A Very Glee Christmas, this is...well, better. I mean, it certainly felt like a return to norm in its original run because you were given quite a while to forget just how bad everything had gotten. Also, this is a very special episode that aired after the Su...er the BIG GAME. I hear they don't like you using their trademark name for some stupid reason but you know the big football thing that happens in February. So, it's a little longer of an episode running at 49 minutes rather than the normal 43. That doesn't sound like much but it means it ran longer than an hour because of all the commercials they jammed in to make that sweet, sweet big football thingy cash. Let's jump in and see how it stands up now.

We open the episode with the Cheerios doing just the most ridiculously over the top cheer routine to California Girls by Katy Perry. There are pyrotechnics and everything, no high school would have the budget for this but it's an overly ridiculous show so I can kind of forgive this. Especially for the gag to be that after all the professional choreography and fire batons, Sue is bored out of her skull and hates it. Rather than being a cutaway gag, this is actually the set up for her story this episode and she keeps going with it which makes the joke feel less funny and more mean spirited. Especially when she asks the girls to stuff their bras with silicone falsies to, and I quote, "add some jiggle" which feels entirely gross considering she's talking to teenagers. And especially gross that she is still mocking Santana for getting a boob job, calling her sandbags. She tells them to slap themselves with a chicken cutlet but even this doesn't diminish her boredom. Quinn tells her that the problem is herself because she keeps going bigger and the only way she'll not be bored is to top herself. Sue likes the idea but asks her to slap herself with a chicken cutlet to be sure.

At a football game, Finn is talking up the team about not even having to win this game to make it to championships and yet they're still trying their hardest. Karofsky makes a snide comment about celebrating with a song and is told to shut it. Karofsky won't though because he's hoping he can scare Finn off like he did Kurt. You know, it's almost like letting people get away with shitty behaviour doesn't teach them a damn thing. Who'd have thought? Finn makes a comment about how Karofsky sure likes to call other people gay despite never having a girlfriend which makes him mad. Karofsky then threatens to not block for Finn. They break and Finn ends up getting sacked by the opposing tackle guy. I don't know football, I watch Glee. You're not getting accurate sports lingo here, I don't do the sports. Bieste is pissed and demands to know what's up and Finn and Karofsky immediately blame each other. Karofsky is so immature that he's willing to tank their championship win just to spite Finn and not block for him. Bieste rightly calls them a bunch of babies and tells them to get out of her sight.

Sue is writing to her diary, as she does, about how uninspired she is about cheerleading. She even got a tattoo just to feel something but has no idea how to reignite her interest until it hits her. We cut to her talking with some guy about buying a cannon. She intends to shoot a cheerleader across a football field which is insane and yes, that's this show but this would no way be allowed in any professional competition or high school but hey, this is glee.

Karofsky and Azimio are debating whether they want to be cartoonish assholes or cartoonish assholes that also pick on kids in wheelchairs and they ultimately land on being equal opportunity assholes and slushie Artie. This leads to Will talking to Bieste about the football/glee club rivalry or bullying whatever they have going on. Bieste thinks it's worse now and worries that it will affect their ability to win. She goes on and on about how great football is for communities and uh, maybe it means more in the US, I don't know but it's pretty funny that they aired this during the big super game and the entire episode is all about how great football is. Like, did you have to do this to win that special spot for yourselves? You didn't have to make it so obvious. Anyway, Bieste wants to find a way to get her kids to at least respect each other and Will thinks he has an idea but asks if she trusts him. Bieste worries that he's going to try to kiss her again and honestly, I'd be terrified of that too. 

This scene still haunts me to this day

Artie wheels into the choir room all slushied and everyone freaks out. Just as the guys get up to go deal with the bullies, the bullies themselves walk in followed by Will and Bieste. The teachers ask the kids to welcome each other as they are going to force the rest of the football team into glee club. No one is happy and yeah, that sounds like a terrible idea. I love that they all start talking about Karofsky like he isn't even there, including Will. They're just...calling him out for being the worst but making them be nice to him anyway, while he sits there and listens to them debate over this? I don't know why they thought this was a good idea. It's only for one week though so that they learn to work together for the championship. Azimio refuses to do showtunes because it's the music of his oppressors and in the most hilariously serious tone, Puck asks them if they even know what they do here and Will is like "No, they don't. We have to show them." So, in order to get a bunch of homophobic jocks to be cool with glee club, Puck and Rachel sing Lady Antebellum's Need You Now. No, I have no idea why they thought that would work, that is quite honestly the worst pick they could have gone with. Why didn't they do a rock song?? Predictably it goes not well and they end up having to break up a fight between Puck and Azimio.

Finn and Puck talk together and make amends over the whole being with both of Finn's girlfriends behind his back thing. See, I wouldn't mind this so much but like he can't bring himself to forgive Rachel but can forgive Puck who impregnated his previous girlfriend? I don't know if I could forgive that. Find better friends, Finn. Not that you're a catch either. Anyway, Puck throws Rachel under the bus by saying the duet was all her trying to make Finn jealous and promises to never do it again so they can be a team and win the championship. 

Sue reveals her big plan to the Cheerios and tells Brittany that she has the honours of being the one to be shot from the canon. Brittany doesn't want to die though so Sue puts a dummy in to quell their fears. The dummy gets shot a short distance and is on fire. Quinn promises to talk to Will.

Figgins is furious and forbids Sue from firing anyone out of a canon. I'm pretty sure this would be a firing offence but they just tell her she's not allowed to do it and she storms off and starts destroying everything in site. Which would also be a firing offence but hey, this is glee.

Back from break, Will is telling Bieste about it when Sue comes in to continue her destructive tirade. Apparently, she can just do that and the school won't call the cops on her? Sue tells them that she moved her cheerleading competition to the same night as the football championship so that they wouldn't have a halftime show. I'm super, super sports dumb but would a high school football game really have a halftime show? Could they not survive without cheerleaders and it not affect them at all? I feel like they could. I don't see why this is a drama but it's glee so they're really trying to make this a drama. Please accept their drama.

They have so much to give and so little anyone cares about

Will breaks the news to the glee club that they have to do the halftime show, which includes all the football players too. I mean...that seems really unnecessary and time consuming. I'm actually with Lauren Zizes on this one. Why is it a problem that there won't be a half time show? Will thinks it is necessary and that they are going to be doing the big bowl shaped trophy of pop songs, Thriller and they're mashing it up with Yeah, Yeah, Yeah's Heads Will Roll. The kids are more interested with this announcement than Will spouting statistics about how prisoner on prisoner crime went down when they worked on doing a performance of Thriller together. 

At practice, everyone looks completely disjointed and bad but eventually start coming together. Will mentions make up which puts the jocks on guard again. Will takes Karofsky aside and tells him how good he is, actually which is honestly a sweet moment despite the fact that I hate both of them. Karofsky then asks Finn if they shouldn't do a warm up number before their Thriller one. Finn is shocked but agrees.

Brittany likes the fact that everyone is working together and getting along and she calls it a double rainbow, a zombie double rainbow. Quinn wonders what to do because if they don't go to the half time show, they can't be in glee. I don't know why Will would kick them out if he's supposed to be the good guy but I guess it's more that Sue is forcing them to quit as she comes out and hands them drawn up resignation forms to give to Will. Finn confronts Quinn about quitting glee for Cheerios but Quinn is too afraid to give up her popularity that she is just gaining back. Sam calls out Finn for yelling at Quinn and for being the leader of both glee and football for a year with no changes to how anyone views them at school. I mean...he has a point but I think the show wants us to side with Finn? Nah, I'll take Sam. They start to fight but Will breaks it up and demands they come to practice. Finn hopes to see Quinn there.

They do a performance of The Zombie's She's Not There which is a song I love. The Zombies are a great band and I live for the classic rock stuff the show brings in. One of my favourite performances this episode. Also, please check out I Remember When I Loved Her by the Zombies, it's hauntingly beautiful. Anyway, Will is impressed by their performance. 

So, here's some Glee anachronism for you, Karofsky and Azimio are accosted by a group of hockey players and slushied. Remember in the first season when they were the hockey players that slushied the football players instead of being football players themselves? I do. I remember. Glee hopes you didn't or they just don't give a fuck. You decide. Karofsky is super excited about their glee performance and again, it's kind of sweet. He's not happy about being on the receiving end of a slushie and wants to quit glee even though he was excited about it a second ago. Bieste warns him that he'll be kicked off the team if he quits but Karofsky don't care. He won't sing.

This episode has been really focused lately and it's actually better for it. The plot is developing at a nice pace, there's build up of character. What's that? Oh, hang on, we need to interrupt this episode to check in with Kurt at Dalton. They're singing Bills, Bills, Bills by Destiny's Child. Neat. And now back to your regularly scheduled Glee episode.

Well, that ground the episode to a halt but glad that Dalton are confident about being ready for Regionals. Good for them. Meanwhile, at the plot everyone actually cares about Rachel and Mercedes are chatting with Kurt and Blaine about the football/glee woes and Kurt is confused that Finn didn't tell him any of this. I agree, their relationship is confusing. What happened to the whole Furt speech? I guess Kurt didn't really teach Finn to be a man after all. Rachel says he's too proud to complain and says if they were together she could help him. Kurt tells her to let it go. For real, Rachel. You deserve better. Blaine says that they only need four guys to have a full team and the girls get an idea.

Bieste laments that no one wants to join the football team even though she cut 30 guys at the start of the season. Will likens it to crossing the picket line. No one wants to be a scab. They're screwed but Bieste refuses to back down to Karofsky. Rachel pipes up with her brilliant idea of joining the team with the other glee girls so they'll have a full team. Lauren is ready to bring the pain because she's a professional wrestler but the other girls say they're just going to lie down and let the guys do all the work. 

Brittany is still afraid of going in the canon but Sue is threatening her to sign a waiver and go through with it. I get this is for comedy but I just can't get past how this would just never happen and makes no sense but Brittany ends up signing the waiver because she doesn't want the canon to not have a job. Just...just go with it.

Karofsky and Azimio are disappointed that the girls are helping out the team at the championship game. I love that they showed up to watch, hoping they'd just fail. That's next level pettiness. Finn mocks them for not having the balls to do what the girls are doing and it works to shame Karofsky a bit. Then he asks Rachel if she's ready and she takes out her mouth guard to adorably shout.

Rachel is ready to kick ass and I love it

The first huddle happens and the girls are true to their word about laying down. The other team scores on them. On the next play, Tina gets the ball and manages to run it to the endzone but is tackled before she can make it. She's ok but she asks if they're ok. Finn asks Puck to convince the others to rejoin the team and then leaves to somehow travel to the cheerleading buses that are preparing to leave. He convinces Quinn, Santana, and Brittany to quit Cheerios and do the halftime show with the rest of glee club. Sue is furious.

Puck calls the other guys losers and tells them to get their butts back out their to help them win rather than sit in the stands doing nothing. They won't go because Bieste won't let them until Puck suggests they join them in the halftime show. Everyone agrees to this except Karofsky. 

Ok, so the halftime performance makes no sense to me for a football game but they're clearly trying to make this like the major big football game supreme and honestly? I'll allow it because this performance kicks some major butt. I love it. It's fun and upbeat, the zombies are cool, the songs slap and go together well. Hell, it's so good that Karofsky is inspired to run in and join in. 

They pull a Dawson's Creek and keep their make up on for the second half of the game, hoping it will freak out the other team. Bieste then tells them all to get out their and play because she's happy they're finally all working together again. The guys go out in their make up and very reminiscent to the make up from Dawson's Creek, it works to psyche out the other team and McKinley High wins. Finn and Quinn share a little moment as they win and I can't tell you how little a football game means to me. Screw the epic highs and lows of high school football, it's boring. You're boring me. Stop boring me and get back to the singing!

Instead, we cut to Sue being interviewed by Katie Couric...holy shit another tie in to Dawson's Creek because, as we all know, she's who Dawson masturbates to every day. 

Bringing back a classic, baby!

Anyway, Katie rips into Sue for being a loser saying she beat out the economy, Mel Gibson, Dina Lohan (look I'm just happy this is a pot shot in the right direction and not directly at Lindsay again.), Wallstreet, Tiger Woods, the Dallas Cowboys, Brett Farve's cell phone (someone needs to explain this to me), nine percent unemployment and Sparky Lohan who is Dina Lohan's dog and also a loser. You leave that poor dog alone, Glee, he didn't pick his owner! Sue justifies her failure by trying to feel something but Katie isn't having it and tells Sue that her budget has been given to the glee club. She shows a video of Will gloating about how he doesn't have to raise money for a bus this year and Sue is not pleased. She tells Katie that she hates her but calls her Diane Sawyer. 

Cut to Karofsky congratulating Finn on the MVP win but Finn tells him it was a team effort. Finn says that the rest of glee club won't let Karofsky join unless he makes amends with Kurt and offers to drive with him to Dalton to do that. Karofsky looks uncomfortable and says that he doesn't want to join glee club which confuses me and Finn because he looked so happy doing it. Karofsky gets mean again because he's hella in the closet. He leaves Finn behind and he bumps into Quinn. She tells him he was amazing this week and that it reminded her of why she loved him. Then this:

HOW VERY DARE!!

I mean, I don't care that she wants to get together with Finn because I don't like Finchel but how could she do that to Sam? He's been nothing but nice and sweet to her. Boo! Boo! But we have to wait until the next episode to see where this shocking drama leads us and it's a drama I can get behind. Next up is Silly Love Songs.