Glee - 210 - A Very Glee Christmas

 Original air date: December 7, 2010

Sue's the bad guy, therefore she's the Grinch

You know, starting with Furt I started really disliking this show and it only got worse with Special Education but I'll take 10 Special Educations and Furts over having to watch this lifeless, pointless Christmas Special ever again. This was uninspired trash and the musical numbers are even worse. I'm not even one of those people that hates Christmas, I love Christmas and all the trappings that go with it. I love all those cheesy Christmas rom coms that come out (ok I don't love all of them but I love rooting through them, laughing at the lame ones and finding hidden gems amongst the rubble) but this was a chore. This sucked in a way that was joyless and mechanical. This sucked in a way that someone maybe wanted to make a heartwarming lampoon of Christmas specials and failed at being both funny and heartwarming. With that rant out of the way, let's get into it.

Emma finds Will and awkwardly asks him if he's been avoiding her, he denies it but we all know he has been. Emma Chooses to ignore the awkwardness and asks him what he's doing for Christmas. Will is a sad sack with no plans though so Emma invites him to dinner with her and Carl. Emma, girl, in what world do you think that's a good idea for any of you? Carl literally flew you to Las Vegas to marry you when he found out you were going to Sectionals with Will. To resolve a fight. Like, it sounded like he was good for you but that it not the way to resolve a fight. Also, why would Will want to be the third wheel on Christmas like that's better than being alone? Bieste gathers everyone around to pick staff Secret Santas and neither Will or Emma look happy with their choice. Will got Sue which explains why he's upset.

We cut to the Glee kids who are decorating a tree for Christmas. They're all talking about what they want for Christmas and Brittany apparently thinks Santa is real because remember when she thought a magic comb was a thing? Everyone complained at how childish and weird they had made Brittany so the writers thought yes, we'll double down on the childish and have her believe in Santa. At this point, I'm pretty sure Ryan, Ian, and Brad (RIB) are trolling us. The kids start singing Island of Misfit Toys from the Rankin Bass Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer special. Will comes in and they show off their tree which is supposed to be sad looking but it looks fine to me? Will thinks it's not what Christmas is supposed to be like and they say that for them it is and that the tree is like their mascot because it looks bad. Again, I think it looks fine and I don't understand why they're complaining. Will tries to give them a pep talk about not throwing themselves a pity party and on the spot decides that they're going to donate to a charity this year and they're going to carol to do it. The kids don't look thrilled but Will declares that "this year, Glee club is going full santa!" and I can just feel the writers putting that line in specifically for tv promos for the episode. It's not something anyone would actually say but it is the set up for this episode which amounts to pretty much nothing.

We cut to the kids singing We Need A Little Christmas in a classroom with kids needlessly and unrealistically harassing them until they stop. They flee the room complaining that the teacher both let it happen and threw a shoe at them which just would never happen but this is glee and things are ridiculous for plot reasons. Finn doesn't want them to give up and Rachel demands they practice for round two and soon no one will bully them. Brittany pipes up that she asked Santa for people to stop bullying glee club so they should be fine soon. Everyone gets wtf face and Artie breaks the news that she is not kidding and still believes in Santa Claus. Rachel asks Finn to meet her in the auditorium in the middle of the clamor and he agrees. Lauren says that someone should tell Brittany that he's not real but no one wants to do it. Artie argues that they should keep up the ruse for Brittany so her world can stay magical and fun for longer. This is ridiculous.

Cut to the glee kids waiting in line to talk to a mall Santa. Brittany has one of her signature one liners that almost make up for this stupid plot where she doesn't understand the difference between elves and slaves. Everyone asks for things and the funniest to me is Mike Chang asking for Channing Tatum to stop being in stuff. No such, luck my friend. Sam also asks for lots of chapstick because of his big lips, remember? It's cute but his lips are fine. I don't understand why this show seems to like to bully its own stars. I swear, Ryan Murphy's world view is bleak and mean and the only way he can think to be funny is to insult things people can't change. Tina asks when Asian Santa arrives because they literally can't write anything for her that doesn't involve saying the word Asian. Brittany tells the elf that she has rights before walking up to Santa herself and asking him to make her boyfriend walk again. Everyone gets "oh shit" face as they realize there is no way to make Brittany's dream come true. The mall Santa agrees to the wish because he's not paid enough to deal with the emotional fall out of this. Fair.

Rachel has decorated the auditorium to look like a winter wonderland and Finn shits all over it because they're artificial and he only likes real Christmas trees. Some of us have only ever had artificial trees, Finn. Real ones are too much work and you have to buy a new one every year. Seems like a waste to me. I get that they smell nice but just say thank you for the effort she put in, Finn. Rachel gives Finn a gift but it's a coupon that's good for one song sung by her of her choosing. Not the best gift but it's sweet. Finn won't have it though because he's not ready to forgive her and he storms out. The band asks if they should leave but Rachel says the show must go on which makes this entire scene feel pointless and grinds the show to a halt. Musicals follow very specific rules even if they're juke box musicals and this is not the way to do them. I love Rachel's voice but halting the show and plot for the sake of her singing is not enjoyable. It is pretty though, she's singing Merry Christmas Darling by The Carpenters and does a fine job. It's just that, it's literally a music video of her singing and walking around the auditorium with Christmas trees in the background. There are scenes cut in where Rachel is watching Finn help Santana put a star on their new tree but it's mostly her on a stage singing.

Merry Christmas Darling...watch me sing to trees
Now the snow is falling, Finn take me back pleeeaaase!

Will is trying to think of gift ideas for Sue but gets frustrated. Personally, I think a robot dog would have been cool but he seems to think it's not.

Next we cut to Blaine asking Kurt to rehearse with him because they wanted an excuse for them to sing together but it would really make more sense for him to rehearse with whoever he's supposed to sing his duet with. Once again, the story grinds to a halt as they sing Baby It's Cold Outside. This song brings up a lot of controversy and I used to make the joke and giggle about how the girl sings about what's in her drink but I'll let you in on a little secret, I like this song. I really love songs where people sing harmoniously together but are singing different things. It's pretty and also, it's a song from the 40s about flirting where in a girl had to pretend like she wasn't interested to appear "good" and that's some bullshit but also why it comes across oddly in a modern context. It was not literally about rape, it was about a guy begging a girl to stay with him while she pretended to resist but secretly wanted it too. Can we please stop talking about this song now? They do a nice version, Blaine exits and Will enters to ask Kurt for help with Sue's present. It's weird that this school let a random guy into the school and also weird that Will knew exactly where to go to find him. Anyway, Will admits he sucks at giving gifts and we get a quick cut to a past Christmas where he gave Terri jumper cables. Honestly, that is the worst and Terri was right to take over in the taste department since Will clearly has none. Kurt has a perfect gift idea for Sue though.

Will finds Emma walking with a gift and asks her who it's for. She says it's for Sue which confuses Will since he has Sue for the gift exchange. Bieste comes up as Will says this and says that she is Sue's secret Santa. Cut to them confronting Sue who confirms that she's everyone's secret Santa since she snuck in a different bucket filled with only her name for people to draw. Sue opens Will's gift to find a fur lined track suit for the winter months. He tries to take it back but she claims that it's her property now and for him to take it back would be theft and threatens to call the police. They storm out of her office in disgust but Sue is unfazed. 

In the next scene, Sue stops Lauren because she's wearing a Santa hat but not giving her any gifts. Lauren asks if she wants the hat and Sue takes it. She then goes to her office where she finds Will and the glee kids emptying out her office because apparently the police thing is no longer a threat. Look, this is glee logic here, things are a problem until they're not in the very next scene. Will explains that because Sue misrepresented herself, it is within their legal rights to take back the gifts. Since she already opened them, they are donating them to the homeless shelter that Will wants the kids caroling to raise money for. He and Bieste walk out of Sue's office in triumph and Will calls her a Grinch. I'm so bored with this episode. It's not fun at all.

The kids are trying to guilt Bieste into playing Santa to tell Brittany that Artie won't be able to walk for Christmas. She's offended because they say she's the right body type and yeah, that's offensive. She relents when they say that Brittany really wants this and it's impossible to give her but they still want her to believe. They also tell her that she has to break into the Pierce household which she's against but is assured her parents know and want her to believe too. Her parents should really be worried about Brittany's mental capabilities instead of playing into them and making things worse.

If you thought things were bad already, things are about to get worse as we cut to Sue dressing up like the Grinch and forcing Becky to dress like Max the dog (which feels a little gross to me) so she can steal Christmas. Get it? Yeah, they're doing this and it was the most horrifying depiction I'd seen of the Grinch since the Jim Carrey version. That is, until this monstrosity was unleashed upon us.

First came Sue Grinch...then came Schue Grinch!

Nightmare fuel. Sue isn't that much better though as we go through this cartoonish sequence where she sings the You're a Mean One Mr. Grinch song from the superior 60s cartoon version but made worse by having Jane sing it. I've said this before but I'll say it again here, I love Jane but I don't love hearing her sing. She's not terrible, she's just not great and it's never worth it. She steals back all the gifts and shreds sheet music and destroys their trees. Brittany shows up to be our Cindy Lou Who even though she's much older than two. Sue gives her the Grinch speech about fixing a light on the tree and sends her away. This joke was not worth it. 

The Glee kids and Will find their room trashed the next day. Will already knows it's Sue but Brittany chimes in that it was Santa and he told her he had to fix a light on the tree but he'd bring it back when it was fixed. Will asks if she was sure it was a boy and not a girl and Brittany's all duh, Santa's a boy but we've already established that Brittany lives in a world all her own so I don't know why he relents and says that it must not be Sue. Rachel thinks it was someone on the football team and that's when Finn pipes up that it shouldn't matter that everything is missing because worse things are happening elsewhere. They clean up the mess together. Rachel asks him to help her fix this for the club since they're the leaders.

Cut to them at a tree lot and Rachel is wearing one of those car fresheners shaped like a pine tree because he loves that smell so much. I love Rachel but she's doing some weird manipulating this episode and I don't like it. Finn is ignoring any nice conversation she tries to start though and he suggests they split up to find a tree. Rachel introduces that Wham's Last Christmas is playing which awkwardly segues into them singing the song together but separately. They meet up at the end and sing it at each other and then Rachel says that last Christmas she asked Santa for him which is kind of creepy. She kisses Finn but he pushes her away because he's not ready. Rachel thinks he should just forgive her already because it's Christmas. Rachel, I love you but no. Bad. Stop it. He doesn't owe you forgiveness just because it's the holidays. Finn breaks up with her again and storms off. 

And we had to watch two people singing to trees this time

The glee guys are giving up their heirloom watches and the glee girls are prepping to cut off their hair to sell for money for the homeless kids. Will comes in and stops them all even though they seem pretty gung-ho about it. Will says there are other ways to raise money but the kids tell him that caroling didn't work so obviously, they have to chop off their hair. Artie asks Rachel about her and Finn getting them a new tree and she throws Finn under the bus which isn't entirely fair since she used the whole trip to try to get back with him. Brittany admonishes Finn for having a crappy Christmas spirit. Will tells them to stop fighting and then tells them about how the first Christmas you remember is complete magic but that you grow up and Christmas becomes more of an obligation. He wants them to try and recapture that magic of the first Christmas. They decide to go and sing for people who really need it.

Brittany wakes up in her house and finds Santa (Bieste) in her living room. Santa Bieste sits her down and asks her about her wish and if there is anything else she wants but Brittany sticks to her guns that she just wants Artie to walk. Bieste has to tell her that it's not possible and that as much as Santa wants to make her wish come true, sometimes he can't and so what he has to give her is patience. It's kind of a sweet scene but it's marred by the fact that Bieste is in a Santa costume, with her beard pulled down and we're supposed to believe a 16 year old Brittany fully believes this (made weirder that she's obviously played by an adult which makes her look even older) It's too weird to play straight even if Bieste's story about herself as a child wishing to look more like the other girls is very sad and heartfelt. 

Artie finds Brittany the next day looking super dejected. She used to believe that Santa could do anything and that if he isn't magic, she doesn't know if she can believe anymore. She says it isn't fair that he can't walk. Artie tells her that he's fine and he asks Will if he can take her home. 

Will has taken the glee kids to the teachers' lounge to sing to them. Hopefully they've barred the teacher that threw her shoe at them from attending. Meanwhile Sue is in her office, gloating about all the gifts she stole and that she screwed over the glee club. I guess you can see where this is going because the glee kids start singing Welcome Christmas from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I love this song so I'm going to forgive this episode a bit. The 60s cartoon was completely a part of my childhood Christmas mornings and this song always felt like Christmas magic to me. The teachers are also moved and give money to them. Becky and Sue watch the end from the doorway and Becky says that Christmas came anyway which is beautiful. Sue agrees.

Finn asks Puck how much they raised and apparently they made $210 which isn't too bad but kind of sad that Artie and Puck alone made $300 from a group of teenagers just a few episodes ago. What? Yes, I remembered that stupid detail. Get off my back. Rachel invites Will to her house for Christmas as they don't really celebrate it but eat Chinese food and watch movies. 

They walk into the glee choir room to find Artie and Brittany already there and Artie stands! With the help of robot braces. It's called a ReWalk and Artie tells us some guy in Israel invented it but also states that he can't use it all the time. (probably because it would cost the show too much to rent or buy and ethically it would rob someone who needed it of one). Brittany found it under her tree when Artie took her home and had no idea what it was. Her dad didn't buy it so they all become convinced that Santa brought it. We pan out to reveal that it was actually Bieste who bought it which...I'm gonna call bs on. Not that Bieste does not have that kind of a heart but that we have been told time and time again how little teachers make especially at McKinley. So, where did she get the money for this? Is she going to be paying this off for the rest of her life? Did she have to remortgage her house? All so that Artie could use it this one time and then never again? Ouch. The woman's a saint.

Later, Will gets home to find that his house has been broken into by Sue. She admits to stealing everything out of the choir room and apologizes. She's decorated his house with the Christmas tree. She gives him some hair clippers as a present and tells him to shave off the chia pet on his head. She then calls in the whole glee club to decorate the tree for him. Where are their parents? Why are they here? Shouldn't they be with their families? Is it Christmas? Why were they at school? This show does me in with its timelines.

So, that was A Very Glee Christmas and it's mostly just nothing and is overstuffed with 7 songs and most of them fail to add to the narrative. Take this episode out and you lose nothing. I mean, did we really need a second break up scene between Finn and Rachel? Or was it intended to be a final blow to Finchel fans who were not impressed with their break up at all and held out hope that they'd reconcile? Either way, pass for me. It was redundant and unneeded. Also, after the extreme sexualization of Brittany in the Britney/Brittany episode, it's increasingly troubling that they're now writing her like a child. I don't think they intended it to come off this poorly but it's a yikes from me. Let's not sexualize and infantilize a young woman, please and thank you. Also, the weird blip cameo of Kurt felt disjointed from the episode and I really think they made a huge mistake writing in the other school and having him transfer because this show is disjointed enough as it is. Are we going to get any build up of regionals when we return? Will there be character development? Probably not but stay tuned anyway for the next episode, The Sue Sylvester Shuffle.