Glee - 209 - Special Education

 Original air date: November 30, 2010

So, Furt was really bad but I think this episode made me more mad. Oooh, that rhymed! We love a poet around these parts. I'm going to warn you guys. I am super biased when I like a character. I can call them on their shit but I also forgive them a lot quicker. I admit that fully. For Dawson's Creek my bias is for Pacey and for Glee, it's Rachel. She is literally the only reason I kept watching. If Glee had gone full new kids when they graduated her and Lea Michele didn't come back, I think I would have easily stopped watching. But they kept her on, dangling her like a carrot in front of my little bunny face and I kept watching until the bitter end. With this preamble out of the way, prepare for me to get very mad on her behalf and I'm not even sorry. If you sided with the bitching from fans that basically wrote this episode then good for you but I was not pleased.

First off we get Will giving two tickets to Sectionals to Emma. He says she's their good luck charm and asks if she'll come with them. Emma agrees. Will is super excited about his awesome set list and Emma, rather sardonically for her snarks that Rachel and Finn will do a duet followed by a classic rock number where Mercedes will belt out the final jaw-dropping note. Will asks if she's been looking through his desk but she says it's what he always does. 

I mean, sure Will is pretty unoriginal but they had like two competitions so far

I feel like this is a super unfair criticism. The first Sectionals episode, Rachel sang a solo followed by the whole group singing a classic rock number. Yes, they lean on classic rock a lot but that's their thing. Do they lean on Rachel's voice? Yes but if you've got the talent you use it. I don't understand what experience everyone else had in choir, which no I did not take but I did go to concerts because I knew people in choir, but usually the same soloist performs at every event because they're the strongest singer and therefore guarantees a win in competitions. It's just how it is. Is it fair? No. Competitions are never fair and it sucks but I don't think fan complaints about Rachel always getting the leads or whatever made sense. Especially for competitions. She's the star of the show, of course she gets the most songs. She's the strongest singer, it doesn't negate the others' talents but she is clearly the strongest. I do understand that people want to hear the other singers sometimes, they all have great and unique voices but the way to do that is to actually develop them as characters and further their narrative with song. This show is a mess with its musical numbers, wanting desperately to validate the song's existence in their own real world or going too weird having them be fantasies. It's weird, they did the musical aspect so well in the first season with some of the numbers just coming from a character needing to express themselves but they've lost that and gotten really stale with how they present their songs. It's so robotic and rather than really address it, they once again choose the lazy route of having a character randomly air the show's fans critiques to justify them switching up who sings. Also, Rachel has been way too absent this season already and I hate it. 

Now, I will say that I like Emma's point that he shouldn't ignore the talent of the other kids just because they aren't as talented. There is a way to showcase all of them, give them each a line in one of their performances, have Mike and Brittany front and center for dancing. He can do all of it and not sideline Rachel, is what I'm saying. That's not what he's going to do.

Cut to Will in the choir room announcing that he's featuring Brittany and Mike's dance moves at Sectionals, something that they should have been practicing all along but this show doesn't understand how show choirs actually work. He also has decided that Quinn and Sam will do the duet instead of Rachel and Finn. Look, Finn is not the best singer so I don't see the problem switching him out but why not change things up by having a fun duet between two of the girls? One of the best performances this season was the duet with Mercedes and Santana. I think I would have liked the pick of Quinn and Sam better had it been the prize all along for Duets but then they couldn't have Rachel be scandalized about not getting her solo and thus shit on her. This honestly irritates me that they have this character that has passion and drive but they write her in a way that makes that a bad thing. You have a great character here with great motivation and yes, she can still be funny and annoyingly dramatic without treating her like garbage like this. 

And to top this all off, I find it highly bizarre and unfair that Will would change up the set list when tickets are already available for the event. This suggests that they might have a week, maybe two to redo their entire set list that they should have had nailed by now. Though I will say, that it still seems like they didn't have a plan since Rachel came into this glee session talking about her great ideas for her solo for Sectionals. Girl, how have you not settled on and practiced it a million times already? But then Will said he had his set list so which is it? Did they have a plan? Did they not? Why are they changing it at the last second? You can have them practice their set list but not show it to us, if you want to keep it a surprise. Like, how about a break from the setlist and you guys pick your favourite songs to sing for this week? You can do it. It doesn't have to be written this way. It doesn't have to be last minute perfection that would never happen in real life. Just, I hate all of this. This season is a mess and this sectionals episode is a mess.

Anyway, Santana is super rude to Rachel who asks Finn for support. He offers the weakest retort about Santana not being worth it so she just unloads that she and Finn got it on last season. Will tells them all to stop talking about it but...doesn't care that Rachel just got crushed and humiliated in front of the whole class? Bullying storyline? Hello? Or does it only count as bullying when Karofsky does it because he's the cartoon bad guy bully?

Meanwhile, Kurt is in his Dalton Academy gear and being welcomed into the Warblers. No audition? He's just accepted? That's cool. They also put him in charge of caring for their canary to which Kurt jokes that he'll take him to work with him at the stray cat shelter at the bottom of a coal mine. The Warblers do not appreciate his awkward humour. Kurt notices that they have no teacher and apparently their choir is run by three upperclassmen but they all have input except they don't because the set list for Sectionals is chosen by them. I also side eye the Warblers for still chatting about what to do at Sectionals. Guys, tickets are on sale. How the hell are you still not locked in on a set list??

Rachel demands to know if what Santana said was true and Finn breaks down. He says that he didn't want to make her mad because she's scary. I hate that. If he'd told her right when Rachel confessed to not having sex with Jesse then yes, she would have been upset. Maybe a little mad but she should have been allowed to process it in her own way. Rachel is confused why he went with Santana and not Quinn, who she might have understood and worries that he thinks she's prettier than her. Honestly, I've been in Rachel's position and this is not the thing that upset me. The girl was from before we knew each other, I didn't give a crap about her, I gave a crap that despite being asked and asked the person lied to me about how much experience they had and it was a lot more minor than going all the way but it just felt like a betrayal that they didn't disclose it up front when asked multiple times. It's deceitful and unfair to withhold that information because a person is then building a connection with you based on the fact that they think you're on the same level and then it's like getting the rug pulled out from under you. It takes a bit to process is all but it should be fairly easy to get over. Rachel's extra hurt comes from the fact that Santana is her bully and Finn still chose to go through with it so her entire estimation of his character is blown up. He is not the guy she imagined him to be which duh, no one can be but it hurts that this guy she put all her faith in could have sex with someone you hate, someone you view as terrible. There is deep stuff to mine here but the writers are men and go with "she's prettier than me" lol, women. I hate it.

Emma tells Finn not to answer that which again, feels like a really men way to write this scene. Rachel again posits that it's because she's hot and Finn is angry that she's caught up in who he did it with. Finn, part of the issue is the who and that you lied. Listen to your girlfriend...but also have her written by someone who understands what her feelings probably are. Hint, it's a mix of her insecurity and the fact that Santana is her bully while she views you as her saviour. It is not healthy for her but that is where her insecurity is coming from. If you find her hot and she hates Rachel, then her thought is do you really like her at all? Again, something Rachel needs to work on (and the writers) but understanding her feelings goes a long way to resolving things. Finn's route is to admit that Santana is "super" hot and before he can finish Rachel asks if she can slap him and Emma suggests she storm out instead. Emma then asks him if he wants to talk but really, she's very bad at this.

Artie finds Brittany looking dejected and standing still against a wall. He asks her what's up and she tells him that she can't take the pressure. No shit, girl. You're a high schooler who was just tasked with coming up with choreography and, I assume, teaching it to a whole group of inexperienced dancers before a big competition in like a week. That's a huge task for a teenager with months of prep, let alone even two weeks. Artie then starts talking about how he wishes he could give her his magic comb where if you comb you're hair with it, you can't lose. Brittany really wants the comb and Artie agrees to let her have it and I'm torn on this one. On the one hand, I see where they might think this was cute and Artie is being very supportive of Brittany by telling her that they will win because she's going to be great. That's nice but it's laced with this weird infantilization that I don't like. Brittany as a character used to just spout kind of nonsense one liners that were meant to throw you off for a second but when developed further, the writers have made her so dumb that she actually believes in magic. It feels almost...unethical to have Artie date her? I mean, at this point, it feels unethical for anyone to but that seems unfair somehow like some people can't have companionship just because they're cognitively slow. I don't know, this whole thing feels gross though and I don't like the way they have written this.

Will has called Puck in to talk and Puck thinks he's in trouble and talks about not stealing a vending machine. Will admits that he is intentionally not going to do anything about Puck's delinquent behaviour because he cares more about his glee competitions then setting good examples for these kids. Instead, he wants Puck to help them recruit a new member to fill Kurt's void. Puck agrees and says he'll be the glee club's "ambadassador" and I get flashbacks to his "when it comes to being badass I'm number wah!" line which makes me cringe. 

Blaine finds Kurt after their practice and apologizes for his idea getting shot down. Kurt shrugs it off as just a new vibe that he's going to have to get used to. Blaine says that they like to reward that behaviour and want to offer him the chance to audition for a solo...at Sectionals. I'm going to have one of those funny aneurysms at this point because hi, hello, you are two weeks or less from Sectionals why are you just auditioning for a solo??? 

Puck tries to recruit Karofsky and Azimio and some no names from the football team into the Glee club but it does not go well. Karofsky and Azimio just ridicule the idea and then advance on Puck. I guess you're no longer the number wah badass, huh Puck?

In Glee club, the girls are wondering where Puck is and Mercedes assumes he quit because he didn't want to lose and she can't blame him since there's a lack of her voice in the set list. Tina thinks that if the Warblers won, it's because they gave them Kurt and they shouldn't clap. Brittany thinks they should throw possums at people if they lose. Rachel then comes in with tape over her mouth and Will loses it on her. Do you see my problem? None of these girls have great attitudes but he channels all his rage energy onto Rachel who is being a brat but at least she was being a silent one. Personally, I might have just ignored it. Instead, he slams his papers on the desk and demands she remove the tape and calls her a lousy sport. Rachel clarifies that she's upset too, furious at how things are turning out and she looks pointedly at Finn. Will doesn't talk things out with her though, he just tells her to choose to be happy about everything. Worst advice ever. He does tell them that it's important for them to be good sports by cheering on the other teams and congratulating them if they win which is fine.

Puck comes in looking disheveled. Lauren Zizes follows who, I guess didn't succumb to the Jacob Ben Israel curse despite her also being weird and gross during the Toxic number. I mean, at least she wasn't naked masturbating in the school so I guess that's why she gets a more prominent role while we all silently forget that JBI existed. Bliss. Apparently Karofsky and Azimio trapped Puck in a porta potty and Lauren pulled him out, after he spent 24 hours in there. Gross. He asked her to join but she had two conditions, a box of cadbury eggs (lol cuz she's fat, get it???) and she wants seven minutes in heaven with Puck. He agrees and says that she kind of rocked his world. Yay? 

After practice, Santana walks up behind Rachel and tells her that Finn bought her dinner after they had sex which is meant to hurt her and it works. Puck notices that Rachel is looking down and asks if she's ok. He justifies his niceness by saying that his stint in the porta potty changed his perspective and he vowed to be nicer to people but that was too hard so he settled for being nice to other Jewish people. She admits that Finn is her problem and Puck thinks he can help her with that since he's normally the cause of troubles too. They walk off together.

Tina walks up to Artie dressed like Ramona Flowers but I think she's supposed to be a goth cheerleader and decides to stir up shit. I mean, she thinks Mike is having an affair with Brittany and basically plants the seeds in Artie's brain because she kind of sucks? Like, why would she do that? Does she enjoy bringing Artie down? He sucks too but so does she. End scene.

Kurt finds a down looking Rachel because he wants her advice on ballads for his solo. Rachel is dubious but he flatters her and agrees to help. He wants to do Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On but Rachel nixes that idea. She asks if he's ever fantasized about his own funeral and says she has and goes into grim detail about it. Kurt thinks it's psychotic but when Rachel explains it, I can't help but feel really bad for her. She's got issues and is crying out for help but everyone just assumes she's a diva and ignores her as being dramatic. If you think no one cares and you fantasize about dying because then they'd care, you need to seek some help and companionship because that is a thought that is born out of severe loneliness and depression. She suggests Don't Cry For Me Argentina from Evita and they proceed to sing a duet of it. 

The song ends as part of Kurt's audition in front of the Warblers and then we cut to him in the waiting room where he's learned that some of the other guys have auditioned multiple times and not made it forward. They actually make it forward this time but Kurt is left behind. He asks Blaine for advice and he tells Kurt not to try so hard next time. I don't understand this advice because trying is a good thing? Not as a Warbler, conform or be cast out, they say. They are Warbler and they are one. They look like Stepford kids. Did I accidentally put in a copy of Disturbing Behaviour? I'm having too much fun with this, I'm sorry but they're boring and I need to amuse myself somehow.

Artie tries to get Brittany's attention but she is avoiding eye contact. He tries to ask her out but she can't because she's rehearsing so Artie is becoming more convinced of Tina's little ear worm about an affair.

Will is looking sad outside of the bus for Sectionals. Yes, they are going to Sectionals when the Warblers apparently just had auditions for a solo for this competition. This show will drive you nuts, I swear. Emma asks him what's wrong and he tells her that his changes might have been a bad idea. Ya think? Emma drops more bad news on him by telling him she can't go with them since Carl has an issue with her hanging out with Will. That's completely fair given the events of Rocky Horror. Will looks even sadder but gets on the bus with the kids to go to the competition.

Kurt spots Rachel trying to find raisonettes for Lauren Zizes because she'll only go on if she has candy. She asks him if he got the solo and Kurt has to tell her he didn't. Rachel is bummed because if he didn't get the solo, the Warblers must be really good and they're doomed. They are not that good, in my opinion. Rachel immediately apologizes and says that was selfish and assures him that he was probably really good. Kurt thinks he was but that they don't appreciate his individuality or something. He asks about Finn because apparently they haven't spoken since the wedding? Yikes, they really do exclude Finn in the Hummel/Hudson family. Rachel admits she hasn't talked to him much either since she found out about the Santana thing and Kurt is like, wait, you didn't know about that? Before Rachel can question him further, Blaine shows up to take Kurt to their places.

We get to see the Hipsters singing The Living Years by Mike + The Mechanics. Everyone claps politely but honestly, they were pretty good. I still think it makes no sense that they were competing with High Schoolers but then, what other singing league could they go through, I guess? Anyway, next up is the Warblers and they are singing Hey Soul Sister by Train and I need to just go off on this a bit. Two things:

1) Why did they hold auditions for a solo when Blaine is clearly the soloist here? Were they just dicking with the younger members? Or are we to assume that their second unseen song is where the solo that was auditioned for was? Just get ready, I really fucking hate Blaine and this is like the most ambivalent I could be about him at this point in the show. 

2) I really hate Hey Soul Sister. It's such a bad song and the biggest problem to me are the lyrics. Like, I can get behind a pretty melody with questionable lyrics sometimes but Pat Monahan writes the most distractingly bizarre lyrics that they're hard to ignore and I can't take it seriously. Like, really just listen to what he's saying, it's all just the worst most stupid imagery imaginable. The very first line of the song is "Your lipstick stains, on the front lobe of my left side brains" 

The lyrics are just so weird and gross sounding

What is that? I get what he's trying to say but he said it in the most ugly way imaginable. That's not even the worst lyric he's written. This song includes such gems as "My heart is bound to beat right out my untrimmed chest" Why? Why did you have to mention your chest hair? And the ever ridiculously bad "So gangster, I'm so thug" and you know what? All of his songs are like this. Just listen to them, the lyrics are all so, so bad but he gets by on ooohhh, pretty melody just forget that you don't understand what her sweet moon beams are. NO, Pat, I can't do that. You are asking me to think about your hairy chest in a love song. NO THANK YOU! I hate this song so much it's so jarringly terrible. 

Thank you for letting me get those thoughts off my chest. The one positive I have is that while they're performing, Kurt looks super nervous and Rachel motions encouragingly to him to smile and it's such a sweet moment. 

This is the cutest. Don't tell me Rachel has a bad attitude

The glee kids are now backstage and freaking out over how good the Warblers were, even though they weren't that good. They were very bland and picked a bad, bad, terrible song. Anyway, everyone is fighting, Artie calls Brittany out on cheating on him and she can't believe he found out. Tina calls Mike a jerk. Quinn is having a panic attack. Rachel demands to know why Finn told Kurt but Mercedes says she told him and Rachel learns that literally everyone knew about Finn and Santana but her so that's gotta sting even more. 

Santana, Rachel's bully, tells her that no one told her anything because she's a blabbermouth and none of them actually like her. I can't believe I have to appreciate Puck here but he's literally the only one who speaks up and says he "kinda likes her" which is sad. That's the only support she gets. Finn says nothing. He doesn't deserve her. What he does is get mad at her for being mad at him and yes, he has a point that they were not together at the time but that's not what made her mad and I wish the writers would realize this. She's mad that he lied. She's mad that he did it with someone she hates and I hate that he points out that she only cares that it's Santana without acknowledging WHY that bugs her. Santana even smugly agrees but like, yeah of course she's upset it's you. You're a bitch and a bully to her. You told her to hurt her. Rachel refuses to go on stage with Finn, Artie refuses to go on stage with Brittany. Tina chimes in too but she's a nothing character and no one cares. Did I just bully Tina? Oops. Will yells at them to knock it off and get it together for the performance. 

Brittany is looking out the curtain when Artie finally asks her point blank about why she cheated on him. You know, finally using his actual words and taking the time to listen to what she has to say? Brittany has no idea what he's talking about because she didn't cheat on him but thought adultery meant being a dork which is the kind of ditzy mix up that is typical for Brittany, not believing in magic combs but whatever. The reason she thought she did a bad thing is actually because of the magic comb, she lost it and feels like an idiot or "dolt" as she would say. Artie admits he lied about the magic comb and admits he found it on the ground and was on his way to throw it in the trash. Brittany has the sense to ask him why the fuck he'd let her comb her hair with it because she's ditsy not unhygienic. Artie finally just gives her some encouragement not laced with some infantilizing lie and I like this much better. Brittany is ready to go out there and rock.

Puck finds Lauren doing push ups and she says she does this to psych herself up before competitions. Puck tries to be encouraging about not being nervous but Lauren isn't nervous because she thinks show choir sucks. 

Sam tells Quinn she's beautiful when they're backstage and they share a moment before heading out to do their duet for competition. They're doing (I've Had) The Time of My Life from Dirty Dancing. It's ok but you know what bugs me? It's literally the same as the Journey duet Rachel and Finn did where they walk out down opposite aisles and then meet up at the stage. It seems Will's only take away from Emma's critique about being the same was "change up singers" rather than actually try something new. They did veer away from classic rock with the next song which is Valerie by Amy Winehouse. Santana is the lead which honestly makes me even more furious. And it's not to say that Santana isn't fantastic on this song, like amazing and they won thanks to her and not the boring Sam and Quinn duet but Will's big issue with Rachel is that she's got a terrible attitude. Then he gave Santana the lead. Santana, the one who constantly bullies and belittles the others, who seems to care the least about show choir, who once sold out glee club to Sue Sylvester. Look, Naya is gorgeous and a wonderful singer and she nailed this performance but in the narrative of the show, how does Santana have a better attitude than Rachel? Like, if attitude is the problem, the solo really should have gone to Tina or Mercedes as they are the least...mean of the group out of a group of people written by Ryan Murphy (predominantly) who seems to only be able to write people being mean and snarky. I just don't get his logic, especially when he was in the room when Santana intentionally humiliated Rachel. How is that a better attitude? This show just constantly shits on Rachel and I hate it and it's 100% because of fan discourse about being tired of Rachel singing. You can't convince me otherwise because if you were immersed in the glee fandom you get to notice the weird changes to the show had a lot to do with what was being discussed on forums. Yes, I'm a nerd I think that is well documented already on this blog. 

And look, that fan complaint is valid. There are so many unique voices in the cast and they all deserved a chance to showcase themselves. I just hate that the writers took that as everyone hates Rachel so lets just have everyone shit on her and then they'll be happy. You can showcase the others without tearing the main character down, is what I'm saying. They're just bad writers. That might be too harsh, I think they have good writing in them, it shines out every once in a while but I'll say...lazy writers. 

So, the winners are announced and surprise (contrived) surprise, it's a tie between New Directions and The Warblers. Just because they want to keep stupid Darren Criss and Kurt in the picture. In reality, New Directions blew them and their terrible song choice out of the water. Like seriously, someone tell me what your sweet moonbeams are! Someone! Anyone? My god, Pat Monahan is just the worst lyricist. Don't get me started on this again. Warblers sucked.

The next day, Will shows off their big trophy to Emma and she shows off her wedding ring. Not engagement ring, wedding ring. They are officially married. They went to Vegas and they got hitched because right after you have a fight about your boyfriend being insecure (rightfully) about your male friend who is very into you, is the best time to fix the problem with a life long committment. Best. Decision. Ever. 

Finn and Rachel make up and Finn says no lying again ever. So, Rachel tells him that actually, when she was super duper mad at him, she kind of made out with Puck. Finn is not happy because duh, Puck was also the one Quinn cheated on him with. That's hella fucked up and I can't defend Rachel on this decision. She claims that what he did with Santana should cancel it out but I don't agree with that. Finn lying about sleeping with Santana was super fucked up but when he had sex with her, they weren't even remotely dating and she was dating Jesse. This is really mean revenge and while I get that she's insecure and fucked up from all the lying, it still wasn't cool of her to cheat on him with the very person he's most insecure about. Then again, I hope he is starting to realize WHY Rachel was upset about it being with Santana. The who is kind of the point in both situations. Anyway, they're done.

Next we have Kurt worried that he's killed the Warbler canary he was supposed to be looking after but Blaine assures him that its just molting. I think this is supposed to be a metaphor for how Kurt is feeling joining the Warblers, trapped in a cage and feeling off? I don't know. 

Meanwhile, Tina and Mike also make up but of course he has to ask if they can "Asian kiss" and look, Harry makes it sounds sweet but I still hate this writing for them. I feel like everyone also complained about this and the writers just went "lol, let's lean into that more" because why just write these characters as human, right?

Will congratulates the kids on winning and is glad that they can now focus on Regionals. He offers Rachel the chance to sing a solo in celebration of their win but she's not really in the mood for that. She offers the opportunity to Mercedes and Tina instead thus proving that she can be a good sport and recognizes who are the unsung heroes in the group. You suck, Will. Anyway, we end the episode on Mercedes and Tina, backed by the whole group singing Dog Days Are Over by Florence and the Machine. It's fun but this episode still made me angry.

I get not liking Rachel, I do. She's a very in your face character but I just feel like she was so shit on in this episode to a needless degree and how did Finn lying to her end up with the writers making her screw up worse and be broken up with? Her being hurt was not out of line and I wish people had actually addressed the issue. The writers were so close but they danced around it and clearly didn't take the time to consider why exactly it would hurt Rachel to know this and they clearly didn't recognize that Santana is Rachel's bully. Apparently only Kurt can be bullied on this show, no one else matters. This was just disappointing as well. Competition episodes always felt like a big spectacle and this just fell flat for me. Valerie was good but it didn't have that strong punch that the previous competitions did. It just felt like song picks out of nowhere with kind of a lackluster finish. Dog Days was fun but it just wasn't enough. Such a letdown for what should have been one of the most solid episodes for performances. I think they just couldn't top Bohemian Rhapsody and the Journey medley. Stay tuned because we're about to embark on one of the worst Christmas Specials I've seen. A Very Glee Christmas is coming soon.