Glee - 208 - Furt

 Original air date: November 23, 2010

Sorry it's been so long since the last recap but I really wanted to get season 4 of Dawson's Creek finished and it just felt so right to start the new year with the first episode of season 5 of that show. Also, this episode is Furt and I fully admit to avoiding this because it's just a painful episode. Firstly because this bullying storyline they're tackling feels so off and disjointed from the rest of the show. It's an important and good message and I don't like shitting on it, it just feels very disingenuous from a show that's humour is derived a lot from bullying. One of it's main-ish characters is a bully in literally every episode and they want to keep her like that so badly while also trying to condemn the behaviour. It doesn't work. Secondly, the fawning over one character. People love Kurt, I loved Kurt, but it feels really weird when all of the characters in the show treat him like he can do no wrong. It feels wrong and I think we should get into why.

Finn sees Burt and Carole in the hallway, led by Kurt. They are flustered and babbling much to both Kurt and Finn's confusion. It turns out, Burt proposed. Kurt is ecstatic but Finn looks a bit weirded out by the whole thing. The interesting thing to note about this is that Burt says they are using what savings they have to go on a honeymoon This is important. Hold on to this tidbit of information, ok? Also, the only thing that Burt cares about is having a great band because he wants to dance with Carole. Kurt's taken care of it because he's just going to force the glee kids to sing for free. It's a Glee wedding, y'all! Kurt, hon, I believe your father asked for a kick ass, band but I guess your high school singing group is alright. (I jest, of course it is, these are professional singers but I just find it funny in context).

Next we cut to Sue and, hang on, I'm just going to need a minute to contemplate what I'm doing with my life that I have made myself endure this storyline again. Also, this isn't even the worst Sue storyline, there's so much worse to come. I'm just going to fast forward but basically, the newscaster she dated for one episode in the first season is getting married to his cohost and she decides to join a dating site where her perfect match is herself so she is sending out invites to marry herself. Yep, herself. This is a waste of time and not as funny as the writers think it is. 

Sam is working out and Finn mentions that it must be hard because of his arm. Wait a minute...wasn't he working out in the Rocky Horror episode? He hurt his arm way back when Finn prayed to his grilled cheese sandwich and...why am I questioning consistency after the sentence I just wrote? Moving on, Sam wants to get back in shape to take back his quarterback position, much to Finn's annoyance. Sam wants to be popular though because he cares about that, everyone does according to him. This is patently false. I was also not popular and I didn't give a damn about being popular. I hated attention being on me at all. Also, not the greatest message to send that popularity matters above all else. Given all of the shows I have watched by Ryan Murphy, I'm starting to get this very clear picture of how he feels about popular people both in that he thinks they're horrible people and that he desperately wanted to be them because he's also horrible. Trust me, this is a valid reading of his work, see Popular, Glee, and Scream Queens. I'm telling you, this is his view on life, people are terrible to one another because they are all competing with each other to be most popular. I almost couldn't get past the first episode of Scream Queens, it was so mean spirited and I love horror comedy. It got better but then I quit at the first episode of season 2 and I have no interest in trying again. It's so bad. I will always love this moment from the first season though, as rocky as the humour could be, this was perfect. Chad Radwell ftw. (fun fact, I hated Chad and his punchable face but then learned he was the same guy from Set It Up and then was floored at the difference between the two characters and am now a Glen Powell fangirl. Also, he won me over by being hilarious)

This scene had me in tears I was laughing so hard.

Back on topic, Finn points out that Sam can't be the most popular because he's not quarterback and he can't even make Quinn his girlfriend but Sam has a plan for that. Cut to an empty classroom where Sam confesses to Quinn that he loves her and presents her with a ring. He promises her to always be true and to not pressure her to do anything other than kiss (starting...now?) and all sorts of other stuff which is, admittedly sweet. Quinn is understandably skeptical because he's presenting this like a proposal which must feel like a huge commitment to her. She closes the box and says she'll think about it. Super fair, girl.

Finn approaches Kurt about wanting to do something special for the wedding. Kurt has already planned the whole thing out and I'm sort of taken aback. How much time is supposed to be passing in this episode? Are they seriously putting together a whole wedding in a week? Even small scale that's crazy. Anyway, Kurt wants him to do a mother/son dance which Finn is reluctant about because he's the worst dancer in glee club. That's not an exaggeration, he really is. There's more than one reason he's called Frankenteen. He's tall, and kind of clumsy. Kurt tells him that he could show him some moves and Finn comes around because if he pulls it off, he's sure to be a stud. His words, not mine.

In the hallway, Karofsky approaches Kurt in a surprisingly confident way given their last interaction. He seemed more scared of being around Kurt since kissing him but here, he struts up all dominating like and takes the cake topper he was holding. Kurt is, of course, terrified because I wouldn't want this guy near me either and Will notices and finally does something about it by taking him to the principal. In this case, the principal is Sue and I can't decide if that's better or worse for him than Figgins. 

Sue confirms my suspicions but is actually fairly sympathetic for Sue. She does keep calling him Lady though and says she can't do anything unless he physically touches him. The really annoying thing is that when a kid who's being bullied is hurt and fights back, they're usually the one to get in trouble so they're punished for not letting a kid beat them up. It sucks. Sue tells him that she will expel him the minute he touches him which is a nice enough promise but like, you're not going to call him in to have a talk with him? It might do a world of good for her to call Karofsky in and make that threat directly to him. Like, look anything happens to that kid, you are getting expelled. A warning that he's on that kind of edge could curb his behaviour and it's preventative rather than just letting a kid go on being terrified and basically waiting to be physically hurt for anyone to care. It could make everything worse too, I suppose but it's better than inaction and it would send a message. She wouldn't even have to mention Kurt, she could just make a general statement that he's been harrassing everyone because he really has. I love that they were trying to make Sue do the right thing here and pretend like her hands were just as tied as Figgins (he's gone and I can still get that dig in, YES) but it just showcases how sadly inept even the well intentioned adults can be in cases of bullying. It doesn't matter if you have proof, if you have complaints, call the person out without punishment and offer them a warning. It could go a long way. Sue calls Kurt 'Lady' again and Kurt finally calls her out on her bullying. The show can't possibly make Sue nice though, then all their "jokes" would disappear so she gives him a choice out of three even more bullying nicknames? Gelfling, Porcelain, or Tickle-Me-Doughface. Kurt chooses Porcelain but honestly, I kind of liked Gelfling, it's cute and it references The Dark Crystal so kind of cool. But it's Sue so she'd just make it sound mean. Sue really wanted the last option because she's a bully. But she's a funny bully so the show wants you to be ok with her.

Rachel, Brittany, Quinn, and Tina are meeting in the choir room. They are upset about the Kurt and Karofsky situation. Tina insists that while they've all been bullied, what Kurt is going through is so much worse. I don't know how much I agree or disagree with this. On the one hand, all of them have been shoved around and had slushies thrown in their face. Finn has had his face drawn on. It's all bad. Now, Kurt was kissed against his will which is definitely worse but something about the show minimizing what the others have gone through to make Kurt seem special just doesn't sit right with me. I'm sorry I can't explain it more succinctly but I think it's that the show is just not that good at dealing with this subject at all.

Rachel being the Queen that she is, has a plan and wants their boyfriends to confront Karofsky. Quinn quips about how anti-feminist that is but for real, Rachel has a great idea. Look, I hate it, it's a big problem but guys like Karofsky are not going to take it seriously when a bunch of girls tell him not to bully. He may take it seriously if a bunch of his own peers, football players (even though he started out as a hockey player in season 1) telling him to cut that shit out. Toxic masculinity is real but it's going to take a lot to overcome its clenches over our culture. Speaking of the football team, Kurt should be off limits to these guys precisely because he's friends with so many of them. This is why the show's logic never rings true. You know, that's glee. We're poor but we have expensive water effects just to practice. We're losers and outcasts, despite being friends with cheerleaders and football players. We're bullied but no one is bullied as bad as Kurt. It's stuff like this that bugs me and takes me out of the more serious stories on this show. 

Santana bursts in and is all upset that she wasn't invited to the glee girls meeting. They all take a moment to slut shame her which is pretty gross. Whether or not she's in a serious relationship with Puck (She shouldn't be. Brittana all the way) is irrelevant. She should be included and she can still help convince him to stand up for Kurt. They are engaging in bullying while trying to combat bullying and it's not addressed as such. I don't think the writers know what bullying is and if they do, my suspicion is that they were bullies in childhood rather than the bullies. It's just so casual with them and they don't even realize it unless it's pointed out to them. (I have my suspicions that the whole bit with Kurt calling out Sue for calling him Lady was precisely because people on Glee forums were bringing that up as an issue so they addressed it but they still keep Sue the same because she can't not have funny names for the kids, they just allowed him to pick his so everything is fixed!) 

Sue is meeting with a wedding planner because that's a whole side plot this episode that apparently needed to happen. You know, they could have spent more time building on and dealing with bullying but no, we get to waste time with this nonsense of Sue planning a wedding to marry herself. The planner is confused about Sue's wishes and thinks unique weddings means "take place outside". Bitch, that is the most basic wedding ever. Tons take place outside, that's not unique. Trust me, I know unique. I had a Halloween/Sleepy Hollow wedding and it was bomb.

Get on my level, Marsha Dean

Sue fires Marsha Dean and in walks Carol Burnette who I'm not overly familiar with. I do know that she's a very well-respected comedian who is basically Lucille Ball's successor so I recognized her immediately. I just mean, I'm not overly invested in this because the only thing I know her from is Mama's Family a stale old sitcom that used to run as reruns on Super Station. It's a big deal they got her, for sure, but I personally don't care. I'm sorry, Carol. Anyway, she's playing Sue's mother. She calls her Susie and as a touch of just the perfect bit of irony/hypocrisy, Sue doesn't like to be called that and asks her to stop. Her mother keeps calling her Susie so I guess she's worse than Sue but like, you literally just made a student who asked you not call him Lady, choose between three arguably worse nicknames. Sorry, Susie, you don't get sympathy from me.

Sue wants to know what her mother is doing here and she proudly says that they caught the last nazi. Woof, that is a joke that has aged so incredibly poorly that it basically cements my opinion of these writers as morons who are very privileged in their white maleness to ever believe this worked as a joke in the first place. Even back in the age of relative innocence that was 2010. Sue tries to play indignant abandoned child but I just don't care? She's too mean for me to care. Maybe they think they're explaining her behaviour but it definitely doesn't excuse it. She invites her mother to the wedding and her mother says she'll sing for her. 

Rachel is trying to convince Finn to defend Kurt and I want to be as mad at him as her for refusing. Like, it sucks. He's weak, it's one of his faults but I kind of get it. His reason is selfish, he doesn't want his position to be given to Sam but it sounds like he's also scared of standing up to Karofsky. Karofsky has bullied Finn multiple times before, he's drawn on his face, slushied him, and now it's mentioned that he's in a position on the team where he could directly threaten Finn's safety. I actually feel bad for Finn. He's being victimized too but everyone is so wrapped up in Kurt that they can't see it, including the writers because they really want us to see him as in the wrong here. I don't even like Finn and I am standing up for him here. However, it feels like if the other guys are on board, he should be able to stand up too and report him to Bieste. I don't think Bieste would watch her right guard let her quarterback get tackled and get mad at the quarterback. Basically, the writers are almost at a good motivation for him to be scared but want him to be wrong or can't quite get it there properly because they don't understand bullying. The way it's written, with Finn worrying about getting fired from the team and not being irreparably damaged/hurt/killed makes him seem very selfish but then the writers haven't considered that Finn is also a victim of bullying in this instance.

The very next scene, every single other guy from the glee club confronts Karofsky, including Artie who is in a wheelchair. Yeah, Finn looks like an asshole here. They really didn't develop this Finn thing right so he looks terrible this episode when he actually could have bonded with Kurt over their mutual bully and they could have joined together against him. But they really want Kurt to be the only victim. Anyway, Karofsky does not take confrontation well and ends up shoving Mike into Artie and they both fall to the ground which enrages Sam who lunges forward to attack Karofsky. They get into fisticuffs until Bieste comes in to break everything up.

In the choir room, Quinn is nursing Sam's black eye while the guys tell the girls how awesome Sam was in taking Karofsky on. Puck really wanted to jump into the brawl but didn't for fear of being sent back to juvie which is super fair. Santana points out that Finn wasn't there and Mercedes chastises him for not leading the charge. Finn looks suitably sheepish while Rachel looks annoyed. Kurt tells everyone to lay off Finn but thanks them for what they did. Mike touts Sam as a true leader which doesn't bode well for the whole Finn wanting to stay on top excuse. Will comes in too late to do anything meaningful and then prompts everyone to practice for the wedding. I think this wedding is happening in a week.

We cut to the auditorium where I'm convinced Brad the piano man is chained until needed. Sue and her mother perform Ohio and do an interlude about Nazis. I hate everything about this and I'm bored so can we move on? I even watched the original to make sense of this and it didn't help at all, it's from Wonderful Town, if you're curious. Sue's mom is going to wear white to show that she's that kind of mother that we should not like and we end this time waster.

Kurt is showing Burt and Finn how to ballroom dance in the choir room. The door is open which makes Finn uncomfortable but eventually dances with Kurt. Of course, this is when Karofsky walks by and makes a little limp hand gesture thing used to mock LGBTQ+ people. Burt sees and gets hella apocalyptically mad because he's best dad, especially when Kurt admits that he threatened his life. He charges after the kid and slams him against the locker which is understandable but a little much and can get our dear Burt in trouble. Don't do this, please. Karofsky is a dick but he's still a minor. Both Finn and Kurt manage to get Burt to stop but then Burt gets mad at Finn for not doing something. This upsets me because, as I said, Finn is also a victim of this guy's bullying. Just because he's Frankenteen, doesn't mean he's invulnerable or that it's impossible for him to be intimidated. That's toxic. Stop it. 

Burt has gotten Karofsky and his dad in a meeting with Sue because he's a good parent. I don't know why Kurt didn't think he could talk to Burt about this. Kurt admits what's going on, while holding back on the unwanted kiss because for all of Karofsky being the worst, Kurt still doesn't want to out him before he's ready. Karofsky, of course, claims Kurt is making everything up. Karofsky's dad calls him out and confronts him about why Kurt would lie. Karofsky thinks Kurt likes him and Burt is just done with this shit. Sue agrees and expels him, and Mr. Karofsky politely thanks her for her time. Honestly, this man seems rather nice? Not what I was expecting at all and usually when a kid like Karofsky is expelled, the parent is way more indignant but they didn't have time for that because we had to listen to Sue and her mother sing Ohio for some godforsaken reason. Heaven forbid we get to watch some plot progression and character depth on this show. I'm using a lot of religious sayings and I'm not even a bit religious, I'm sorry. 

Santana helps Finn tie his tie and tells him that Sam is clearly the new favourite. She wants to help and suggests he tell people they did it last year for some cred. Finn can't do that though because he's a lying idiot who told Rachel they didn't and to hammer that in we flash back to Rachel admitting she lied to him about her and Jesse doing it and that she's still a virgin and he still didn't cop to his own lie so now he's in even deeper. Santana doesn't see a problem with Rachel dumping Finn because then they can see each other and Finn finally grows a pair and tells her to back off. Rachel comes in as Santana is leaving and Finn awkwardly tells her she looks amazing and that he loves her. However, Santana threatened to tell Rachel herself because she's a shit stirrer so now he has that hanging over his head.

Now, as much as I have hated this episode so far, I can't help but smile at how fun and cute the glee club's performance of Marry You by Bruno Mars is. I can't even be mad that the song is about doing a spur of the moment wedding for shits and giggles instead of something that should be a long lasting relationship. It's bright and fun and I just need this performance, so give it to me please. Just give me this one thing to hold onto because my god, do I hate everything that follows.

For starters, Burt and Carole are saying their own vows. Burt's is quite nice but he does bring up his dead wife which is questionable but he saves it. He also mentions Kurt and not Finn at all which would be fine and I might not have noticed except for the fact that Carole then goes on to praise Kurt in her vows? She does mention Finn but what she's most proud of him for is being a brother to Kurt. Like, wow. Is this wedding all about Kurt? It is so bizarre. 

Next we move on to Finn who is the best man, apparently. I would have thought Kurt with the way this episode was going but that's nice. Oh wait, Finn's speech is also about Kurt and how much Kurt taught him about being a man. I swear to god Finn needs to learn how to be a man so often, that if I were writing a parody of this show, literally the only thing Finn would do is say these "you taught me to be a man speeches" to everyone he interacts with. Like Tina would walk up to him and I'd have Finn say "Tina, we don't often talk to each other but you really taught me what it means to be a man." in fact, I'm pretty sure a lot of glee parodies did do this because it's true. 

Finn promises to stand by Kurt and keep him safe from now on, then sings Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars making this halfway, a Bruno Mars themed episode. Honestly, it might have been better if they picked all Bruno Mars songs. In fact, I think if Sue and her mom had sung Grenade it could have actually worked and also been pretty funny. 

Sue's mom and Jeanie are in a room because they're doing a wedding rehearsal for Sue. Jeanie questions why her mom left them and she says that capturing Nazis was important and that they are bad people. Ok, I really hate this "joke" because it feels like the writers think this was ridiculous because they really thought nazis didn't exist anymore and um...I'm gonna call a big ass false on that one. Sure, there are not Germans wearing SS uniforms storming through the streets but the ideology is very much alive and very, very fucking dangerous. I hate everything about this storyline and the only reason it exists is so that Sue can walk out in this ridiculousness because funny:

This gag was not worth the storyline

Her mom calls her ridiculous and Sue stands up to her and asks her to leave. She does. Wow, great. I'm glad we wasted time with this while not developing the bullying storyline better. Because trust me, it needed more fleshing out. Also, very rich for Sue to complain about walking away from a convo with her mother always feeling worse about herself because that's literally the only thing she does to people in conversations with others. They can say that this explains why Sue sucks but like, this should also make her reevaluate and better herself or no, I don't give a fuck that her mom is like this. She's a hell of a lot milder in her meanness to Sue than Sue is to others. 

Quinn finds Sam and gives him some cream to help his bruise. She also tells him how much she admires him for his courage. She then points out that she's wearing his ring because she agrees to be his girlfriend. She apparently broke into his locker to get the ring but Sam's too happy to care and honestly, he's usually a sweetheart so I'm happy for him.

Meanwhile, Kurt gets some rather bad news in that Karofsky has not been expelled because the school board overturned it. None of the Hummels are happy about this but Sue's hands are tied again. Thinking this is just a side effect of being a principal, she has resigned so she can go back to just being a coach and a bully. She promises to keep an eye out for Kurt but you know she's just going to make snide comments and be just as useless as all the other teachers at this school. Still, keep in mind that he has one of the most powerful teachers in the school's support. Burt and Carole want to talk with Kurt.

Cut to the choir room where Will is trying to gear everyone up for Sectionals, even promising Kurt a solo. Kurt has an announcement though. He's leaving the school to go to Dalton. So, even though he has the support of the entire glee club, some of whom are on the football team and popular, two teachers, his parents and Karofsky almost got expelled but apparently, none of that is good enough for Kurt. He has such a huge support system but he acts like he's all alone. One of the worst things about being bullied is that usually the victim has zero support networks and no teachers go to bat for them. Kurt has been given everything and he just wants to run. On top of that, I know it's insinuated that Burt and Carole offered but like, Dalton is supposedly super expensive and they are using the money they saved for their honeymoon to send Kurt there which is honestly super nice of them but super selfish of Kurt. I mean, I'd get it if he had no support but he has plenty.

On top of this, Finn had absolutely no say and wasn't involved at all in this. That's super unfair. It feels like this family continuously keeps him in the dark about every decision they make. Is Finn a part of the Hummels at all? It feels like he's always the last to know about every big thing this family does. Hey Finn! We're moving! By the way, we're getting married! Finn, your would be father had a heart attack and literally everyone knows already, just thought you might like to know. Cool. Cool cool cool cool cool. Why am I having to defend and feel bad for my least favourite character??

Rachel is worried about Sectionals but is shushed while a hurt Mercedes stands up to be like, what the heck? Kurt just says he's sorry and leaves. He's honestly the worst friend to her. I hate him now and I hate this episode. Let's just pretend that Marry You is the only thing that happened this week, ok?