Glee - 204 - Duets

 Original air date: October 12, 2010

I feel like after the weirdness of Britney/Brittany and the tonal whiplash of Grilled Cheesus, this episode is actually a welcome return to normalcy. It's actually about glee club and remember Sam? Because he finally actually joins the glee club and I love it. Sunshine is still MIA but she canonically joined Vocal Adrenaline and this show is terrible at building up rivals, choosing instead to just save everything to the last two episodes of a season. Anyway, let's get into Duets.

Will tells the glee club that Puck's in Juvie which was not a shock to anyone. Brittany says he's probably the dumbest person alive and that's coming from her, sick burn. Will doesn't want them to look at this as a crisis but as an opportunity to finally introduce their newest member, Sam. I guess since Finn's wish to a grilled cheese sandwich resulted in his arm getting fucked up, Sam decided joining glee wasn't so bad after all. I mean, he's no longer quarterback so what else has he got to lose? He introduces himself as "Sam, Sam I am and I don't like green eggs and ham." to which Santana says he has absolutely no game. Goddamn, he's a nerd and I love it. 

Will then moves on to the glee lesson of the week which is duets. Brittany thinks he's talking about duvets in true Brittany fashion but everyone else is on board with the idea of pairing up and singing a song together, especially when Will says he's making it a competition. I'm leery of his claims because his competitions usually result in no one winning and the prize sucks anyway but this time he actually has a good prize. Dinner for 2 at Breadstix on him. Everyone wants to win this, it's essentially dinner at Olive Garden which to be fair, was quite awesome when you were a high schooler who didn't know better. Everyone is pumped and Kurt is determined to partner up with Sam, who he's convinced is gay since no straight boy dyes their hair like Sam does apparently. 

Kurt approaches Sam and accuses him of dying his hair which Sam finds confusing and off-putting. Kurt changes course and instead offers to be his duet partner since he's his best bet at winning other than teaming up with Rachel, who is obviously going to team up with Finn. Sam is confused because he thinks duets only happen between a guy and a girl but Kurt points out Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor in Singin' in the Rain. Sam has no idea what he's talking about so Kurt realizes he may be straight but tells him to watch it and look up the menu for Breadstix because he's positive they'll win. Finn oversees this and does not seem to approve because he's the worst.

Is Kurt making a new friend? I must put a stop to this!

Santana and Brittany are making out in Brittany's room which was essentially just there to bait their shippers because they immediately have Santana say that she's only doing this because Puck isn't available to make out with and crushes poor Brittany's heart when she asks if they can sing Come to My Window together which would have been amazing and I'm mad the show didn't do this. Santana refuses to sing with Brittany but then goes to ask Mercedes to duet with her because their voices sound good together. I mean, they do I guess but I'm just mad we're missing out on Britanna Come to My Window goodness. Mercedes agrees because she likes the idea of them being the top two bitches at the school. 

Meanwhile Finn is being awful by telling Kurt he can't partner up with Sam which is just super rude. Finn thinks that if Kurt does a duet with Sam, then Sam will be bullied so much he'll quit the glee club but Kurt points out that they're just doing a duet. Finn then accuses Kurt of being all over him last year and how inappropriate that was and like, I get it. I think I called him out for that too but like, why do I hate Finn so much right now? I feel like the time to have called Kurt out for that was last season and that doing it now just feels out of place and unwarranted or maybe it's just the aggressive way he's doing it? Like his point is valid, Kurt was way out of line last season but he's using that as a reason for him to not sing with a classmate and that feels gross.

Later, Finn is singing his duet with Rachel and it's Don't Go Breaking My Heart by Elton John and Kiki Dee which is just one of the best songs. They both think they're going to win which actually makes Rachel sad. Finn tries to console her but she worries she's not a good person. I feel like I would have defended this in season 1 but after she sent Sunshine to the crackhouse for fear of competition for leads, I have to agree. Sorry, Rachel. Anyway, she thinks Finn is kind and open and wants to be more like him. Uh, if you saw him just last scene, I don't think you would have been as inspired. Also, didn't Finn dump you to go out with Brittany and Santana? That the same kind guy you speak of? I don't buy it. Anyway, Rachel wants to throw the competition to atone for her Sunshine sins. She wants Sam to win so he feels included and sticks around so they have a shot at Nationals. Finn points out that she's still technically being generous because there's something in it for her but Rachel chooses to ignore what he just said so they can focus on finding a way for her to lose the competition. I have a feeling Rachel choosing to forget a lot of what Finn says and done has lead us to the point where Rachel sees him as a kind and open person. Finn, kind and open, HAH!

Tina is arguing with Mike to get him to sing with her but he doesn't really know if he can sing and just wants to dance. Tina wants to win the dinner at Breadstix so they can have a normal night out because apparently everything they do is Asian? Here's the thing, I feel like the writers are poking fun at the people for shipping Mike and Tina because they're the only Asian people in the group but in reality, people shipped them together because they looked cute and Artie was an ass. Speaking of Artie, Brittany has decided that she wants to duet with him and possibly date him or she's luring him in with promises of dates so he'll be her duet partner and hopefully win. Either way, she is really taking one for the Breadstix win here because I don't know that endless salad and breadsticks is worth being treated like crap by Artie but you do you, girl. Tina points out to Mike that they're fighting a lot and he suggests Asian Couples Therapy and Tina asks why the couples therapy has to be Asian. This joke sucks and undermines them as a cute couple and I hate it. Look, there aren't a lot of guys worth a damn in glee club. Puck is an ass, Finn is an ass and jumps between Quinn and Rachel, Kurt is gay so off the market to the girls, Artie is a misogynist ass, Matt left the group and thus, that leaves us with Mike as the only decent guy to ship Tina with. It sucks but thems the breaks and if you wanted us to ship Tina and Artie, maybe you shouldn't have written him to be so awful to her all the damn time. I can't get on board a ship that rickety, it's destined to sink. Brittany promises to be Artie's girlfriend if he'll be her duet partner and Santana oversees this and is not pleased. But Brittany is pretty pissed to and doesn't give a damn, her boobs are off limits to girls that don't sing Melissa Etheridge with her and I fully support her protest...part of it, I still can't get on board with Artie. 

No boob for you!

Finn is trying to convince Sam not to sing with Kurt. Sam is confused because Finn kept telling him how popular glee club will make him and Finn says that it will eventually but first he has to lay low and singing a duet with a dude is not laying low. Sam is like, wow I didn't know you had a problem with gay dudes and Finn basically says he's not homophobic but everyone else is and that's what he's worried about. He says that they live in the homophobes world and they have to avoid doing anything gay for fear of retaliation or something and Sam, bless his sweet little heart is just like "I gave him my word and in my world, that's that." How is he so freaking sweet? Why is Sam not the main male lead? Goddamn. Anyway, to prove Finn's point the show has Azimio and Karofsky throw a slushie on Sam just as he leaves the locker room. Quinn sees and feels bad for him.

Quinn is helping Sam clean the slushie out of his hair and eyes. She tells him that he's lucky it wasn't the blueberry flavour because it's the worst to get out, she looked like a creature from Avatar when she got his with it. Sam perks up because he is the one nerd that loved Avatar so much he saw it six times. I think I saw Avatar, I remember exactly 0 about it because it was bland and just about spectacle over substance. Can anyone name a character from Avatar? I can't. Why was it even called Avatar? Fucked if I know. Anyway, Quinn is obviously just referencing the fact that her skin turned blue like the creatures in Avatar but cares exactly the amount I do about the franchise. Sam asks her why she bothers with glee club if slushies get thrown at her and she says that she loves to sing and everyone in the club was nice to her when she wasn't exactly on top. Also, what's the point of being popular if you can't do what you want? Sam then compliments her in Na'Vi language and when Quinn doesn't get it, he explains that he said she has pretty eyes. She's not impressed by the Avatar knowledge dude, read the room. She is not an Avatar fan like you are. Still, he's sweet.

Kurt is bringing his Dad a fresh home cooked healthy meal for his recovery from the Arrhythmia he suffered last episode. Burt asks him how school is and Kurt confesses his frustration with Finn telling him he shouldn't do a duet with Sam. I have to say that Burt handles the criticism of Kurt's advances on Finn last season much better than Finn did but I still think it's unfair to say that Kurt shouldn't do a duet with Sam because of it. Really, what's the harm? But Burt makes up for it by telling Kurt that he needs to find someone as brave and open as him in order to hold hands together and go to prom but until he finds that person, he has to go it alone and not project those feelings onto guys that don't want it. That's fair but I feel bad for Kurt.

Next day at glee club, Santana and Mercedes perform River Deep, Mountain High by Tina and Ike Turner. They are very good and also very confident that they be going to Breadstix. If I'm being perfectly honest, yeah they deserved the win this episode. Their duet was honestly the best, most energetic, most pleasing of all of them. Don't at me. 

Kurt approaches Sam in the showers and I feel like this show is always trying to have Sam be partially naked in showers and I'm just now realizing it and getting mega uncomfortable...especially considering what's in store for him next episode. It's weird. Sam points out how uncomfortable he is but Kurt says it's cool because he's not going to go all Shawshank on him and ehhhhhh not the scene to bring up in someone's mind to put them at ease when they're naked and vulnerable. Kurt says it absolutely couldn't wait though (but yes it could have waited) because he needs to tell him that they're not going to do a duet anymore. Kurt is setting him free to do the duet with someone the world deems more appropriate and Sam, bless his heart asks if he did something wrong to offend Kurt. Why is he such a teddy bear? Kurt tells him that the issue is with him and Sam was honourable. He is going to do a duet with someone that matches his talent and passion level and then points out that there are special shampoos for colour treated hair. Sam still says he doesn't dye his hair but Kurt isn't buying it.

Meanwhile, Rachel is still stumped at how to lose the competition while being the it couple. I think this is supposed to be a joke but like literally no one can stand them and also, did she not just see Santana and Mercedes destroy everyone? They don't even have to try. Much as I love Don't Go Breaking My Heart, the River Deep, Mountain High performance trounced that one with ease. Finn has a brainstorm though and mentions how they loved Grease but then when they watched Grease 2 he fell asleep and Rachel told him it was because the songs were bad. They agree that they need to perform a bad song, not just bad but offensive. Rachel is super stoked about this idea. 

Tina asks Artie to be her duet partner and I'm just here like, why? You have Mike right there and now Artie gets to gloat and be a smug ass about her crawling back to him when he already has a partner and new girlfriend in Brittany. I hate it. Damn you, Tina. Mike deserves better. Kurt comes in to perform his song, explaining that his partnership was dissolved and that he is going to do his alone. He is performing Le Jazz Hot! from Victor/Victoria. It's a good performance but not sure it really qualifies as a duet, I think they were trying to show his vocal range and it is impressive, the final note especially because he goes from very low all the way up to falsetto. Impressive but just still not really a duet but I'm glad Will seems to like the performance and doesn't bug him about this fact like he usually picks apart Kurt's performances. 

We next cut to Sam and Quinn working on their performance. They get really cute and close together as he shows her how to play the guitar for their choreography but then he leans in to kiss her and she freaks out. I say freak out but given what she's been through, it's understandable. She doesn't want to go through all that stuff again or make a mistake, she wants this year to be normal and for her to do fun high school things, not worry about pregnancies and the like. She tells him she doesn't want to sing with him and he's crushed.

At glee club, Mike is very nervous about performing probably because Tina was going to ditch him the other day and now he's stuck with someone he knows doesn't want to sing with him. Poor Mike. Anyway, they perform Sing! from A Chorus Line and it's very cute as Mike really can't sing but is wonderful with the dancing and Tina sings the singing parts which makes for a very cute performance. Everyone agrees and Artie looks upset but he can choke on it. Choke on their sweetness and recognize them as the better couple, Artie! And writers for that matter. 

Meanwhile, Finn is upset that Sam tried to kiss Quinn because now she won't do the duet and he's desperate for Sam to win the competition but I can't take this seriously because he says this:

I don't know why but I love this line for how bad it is.
I live for bad lines like this.

I want to work that into my every day conversations because honesty, that is amazingly hilarious and I need this in my life since 2020 just sucks. Give me this wee bit of joy, you guys. Sam apologizes but was mesmerized by her eyes and says that he knows Puck will beat him up and possibly Finn since he used to date her too. Finn says he's over her and with Rachel now but tries to convince him to make amends with Quinn and do the duet with her to come in second. At the same time, Rachel is working on getting Quinn to rejoin with Sam. Quinn sees right through Rachel and asks what her angle is but when Rachel says that she just wants some healthy competition for second place, you can see that Quinn wants to win against Rachel just to wipe her smugness off her face. It's a smart tactic Rachel used is what I'm saying. She used the old reverse psychology trick.

Sam apologizes for getting out of line with Quinn and asks if they can still do the duet together while still flattering her about her eyes and saying she'll need to wear shades. Why is he so adorable? Quinn agrees and says that they're going to have to spend a lot of time together if they want to win that dinner at Breadstix.

Artie is working on runs with Brittany but she is apparently not a great singer? Or not good at runs? I thought she did ok at Britney Spears and she does a ton of runs. Either way, Artie is reminded of Tina being good at them and that he's not over her and wants to go. Brittany decides that in order to duet, they need to do it. She lifts him up from his chair and lays him on the bed and he seems very into the idea, this fact is important.

At glee club, Finn and Rachel finally perform their intentionally failing number. A duet by Billy Preston and Syreeta called With You, I'm Born Again and they perform this while dressed as a preacher and nun to add to the offensiveness. It's ok, not as iconic and funny as Rachel's Run, Joey, Run but pretty funny. The thing is, their voices sound really good on the song. It's actually one of few times I think they sound great together so it's funny that it's in a performance that they're trying to tank that I actually find that they sound good together. Mike, bless his heart starts to clap for them but Tina stops them and they all tell them how rude their performance was. Quinn wanted to punch both of them. Will agrees and tells them he's disappointed and both Rachel and Finn act shocked that they lost the thing they were trying to lose. 

Next up is Sam and Quinn. They perform Jason Mraz and Colby Caillat's Lucky and it's really freaking adorable. Quinn has never sounded better and her voice melds with Sam's very well. It would be nice if the show set them up as a contender for solos but we all know they are going to ignore this plot point in favour of doing whatever the hell they feel like on the week they write the episode, right? This. Is. GLEE! And they will not follow through with anything no matter how interesting. Development? We don't know her. Anyway, it's clear they're setting up a little romance between them and I remember the writers fawning over their chemistry and while they are cute, I don't think the chemistry is as smolder-y as they thought it was but that's just me. Like I said, they are cute and this song is adorable but I still maintain that the winners are Santana and Mercedes. Those ladies nailed it.

There is a brief aside where we find out that Artie is dumping Brittany because he found out from Santana that she was just using him for his voice and like...I thought that was the deal? Am I taking crazy pills here or did Brittany say that she wanted to win the dinner at Breadstix and so she would be his girlfriend if he'd sing with her? Didn't they both agree to that? And he already knew Brittany's reputation before he slept with her so like...why didn't that matter in the moment? All of the sudden sex means a lot to him and he thinks Brittany walked all over him but I didn't see that at all. He seemed very into the idea of losing his virginity to her and he was well aware that she was very interested in winning the competition so why is this suddenly a heartbreaking blow to him? I feel like they wanted him to think that Brittany really liked him but the way they played/wrote it she very much informed him of the deal she wanted and he agreed to it. He sings with her, she will be his girlfriend and she went above and beyond so wtf? He ditches her even though she told him she really wanted the dinner with him and adorably wanted to order spaghetti and meatballs to mimic the scene from Lady and the Tramp and had been practicing nudging the meatball with her nose and he just ditches her to be sad and alone in the hallway. Guys, this didn't endear me to Artie or make me feel bad for him. It made me confused because he knew the arrangement and mad that he made Brittany sad, writing fail.

At the next glee club meeting, Will announces that Artie and Brittany have dropped out of the competition and therefore, votes are underway. Everyone votes for themselves except Finn and Rachel who want Sam and Quinn to win and therefore they are the winners. Sam is super excited but Quinn insists it's not a date. Finn and Rachel act disappointed even though their plan worked. Also...they didn't have to tank it, they just had to not vote for each other so they embarrassed themselves for nothing. Whoops. 

Rachel confronts Kurt about his loneliness because she recognizes her pre boyfriend self in him. She tells him that they are going to Nationals this year and when they do it will be because of him and his amazing voice. Then she tells him that even though he's lonely, he's not alone because they all love him for who he is. Also, she wants to do a duet with him even without the competition just for them. Arguably, this is way nicer than her plan to get Sam and Quinn to win because it was very selfless, very sweet, and she recognized that someone needed a boost and gave it to them. This is the Rachel I like. 

Sam and Quinn are on their date and he's tanking it by doing Matthew McConaughey impressions and telling her that if he'd gone through what she had, he'd have transferred schools out of embarrassment. He quickly rebounds by telling her she's brave and that he went to an all-boys school which is why he's so awkward with girls. Then he drops his bombshell secret...he really did dye his hair. Or he put lemon juice in it so Kurt was right all along. For some reason, this endears Quinn to Sam and she opts not to use the coupon Will gave them because Sam will pay since a gentleman always pays on the first date. Screw that, you can call it a date even if you use that coupon, why make him spend his own money? Yes, I'm cheap. Sue me.

Rachel and Kurt sing Happy Days Are Here Again/Get Happy by Barbara Streisand and Judy Garland. As they sing, there is a few brief scenes of Brittany being sad about Artie (girl, why? Go get yourself Santana and be happy) and Kurt putting a blanket over his father (it feels like they live alone again but don't Carol and Finn live with them?). Most of it is Rachel and Kurt performing and I'm honestly so weirded out by Rachel's facial expressions. What was her direction here? Then I thought, they are recreating an old performance so I checked that one out and yep, I see exactly what she was trying to do but it's executed kind of poorly. Sorry, Lea. I know she adores Barbara and so does Rachel and it makes perfect sense to try to perform it exactly like she did but um, she went a bit too over the top. Still, the song was great and they nailed their performances vocally. Here check out the comparisons:

Anyway, that was Duets and if you're excited that this episode played out very normally and subdued and you hoped it would return to its first 13 glory like I did, well I have only one thing to say: next week's episode is about Rocky Horror Picture Show and let me tell you, if you know anything about that musical, you know that a highschool show trying to put this on would never happen and therefore feels so out of place. Also, I'm convinced that this episode was absolutely the inspiration for Riverdale's alarmingly bad musical episodes. Just to paint you a picture of how well this is going to go. Stay tuned for The Rocky Horror Glee Show.