Glee - 203 - Grilled Cheesus

Original air date: October 5, 2010

So apparently, Glee heard the immense dislike for the last episode and decided to repent and pretend like all along this is a show about the importance of spirituality and God. Mm hmm, yeah, I buy that. Just quick question, this is the show that mocked chastity culture, had a teacher that planted drugs on a student to blackmail them, had a plot where a character lied to her spouse about being pregnant, and created the spawn of Satan: Jacob Ben Israel himself? I didn't just huff glue, that all happened? And they are going to preach to me about God the episode after traumatizing me with not one but TWO Jacob Ben Israel masturbation scenes and showing me a naked butt sweat stain? Right, ok that's not tonal whiplash. Speaking of, they are going to juxtapose a very bad message about near death and God with a goofy side plot about a character who prays to a grilled cheese sandwich. 

Hey, that's Glee!

 We open the episode with the stupidest side plot in existence as narrated by Finn. Basically, he was hungry, he made a grilled cheese but when he looked at the toasted part he saw a picture of Jesus and thus, he name drops the episode title and dubs it a Grilled Cheesus. He goes on to say that he is not religious but decided to give praying a try. He prays to his sandwich to let his team win their first game as it would mean a lot to him and Artie and in exchange, he would have the glee club pay homage to him all week which is something he can't really promise but lo and behold, they win the game and he pledges allegiance to his sandwich. Yes. This is the plot they are going with. 

Meanwhile, in the Hummel garage, Kurt is trying to get Burt to eat healthier and Burt is trying to get Kurt to come to Friday dinner a little later but Kurt is not having it because he's over family dinners and sing-along Sound of Music is happening which he will not miss. Honestly, I don't blame Kurt but we have to make him feel as guilty as possible for what's to come. He asks Burt if they can just do family dinner Thursday night instead (which is honestly a reasonable compromise like do the dinners really have to be Friday or bust?) but Burt is disappointed in him.

Finn brings up his spiritual awakening in Glee Club (leaving out the sandwich part for now) and it elicits a lot of mixed reactions from the rest of the gang. Quinn is overjoyed while most of the rest of the club is less than pleased. Notably, Kurt who says that if he wanted to sing songs about Jesus, he would go to church except that most churches don't think very highly of gays, or women, or science. Word, Kurt. Word. Is it possible for Kurt to be my favourite again? Because I think he is. It won't last but yeah, I'm Team Kurt this episode. Puck rambles some nonsense about Jesus that ultimately amounts to him saying he sees God whenever he makes out with a chick and then proceeds to sing a Billy Joel song, Only the Good Die Young which...is that about spirituality? I think it mentions something about St Peter so ok. I guess. If we squint, we can say it's about that. Sure. But...isn't it about him wanting to bed a catholic girl? I mean, I suppose that fits with Puck's interpretation of how he views God when he makes out with a girl but the song is kind of anti-catholic too. I don't know that Joel meant it as literally and wanted a more playful pro-lust song but I mean, if this is their version of a pro-religious song...are they just trolling FOX? Maybe I have to give Glee a bit of credit, let's wait and see.

We cut to Burt helping out a customer while complaining of indigestion but then he collapses. Cut to quietly dramatic piano music as Emma runs down the hall to get Will. Then they both get Kurt out of class and then all three are at the hospital, waiting for results. The doctor comes out and tells them that Burt had a heart attack but also in a coma due to lack of blood flow to the brain because of medical jargon that is probably accurate but look, Burt is in a drama coma, ok? I love Burt, he is number one dad with a bullet but this is a drama coma meant to illicit tears from the audience and well, it kind of works but is also in the same episode that has a guy dumb enough to pray to a sandwich so..it's jarring. Kurt is taken to see his dad and asks Emma and Will to back the fuck up out of the room and let him have a moment. I am way paraphrasing here, if you can't tell but like, yeah let the kid have a moment, this is none of your concern other than making sure he got to the hospital ok. He's a big boy. There is a sad moment where he begs his father to show him he can hear him by squeezing his hand but obviously there is nothing and you just feel your heart start to wrench and tears start to form.

Anyway, Finn pulls out his rotting sandwich again and prays to it to get to second base with Rachel while insulting her boob size. I'm not even joking, that is literally what happens right after we learn that Burt is in a drama coma. Were you about to cry? Well, here's a buffoon whining that his girlfriend is a prude with small boobs and that he hopes God will grant him the opportunity to touch them. Like, why don't you just ask Rachel? Why is Rachel the prude? I will never get over this. She was not set up as a prude in the first 13!! Ugh!

Was your mind not already boggling from that tonal shift? Well, let's shift right back to sad Kurt getting condolences from the rest of the Glee Club when Finn storms in angrily demanding to know why he was the last one to find out about Burt's drama coma. Gee, I don't know Finn maybe you were too busy praying to your sandwich about touching your girlfriend's boobs? But no, Kurt just says it didn't occur to him to tell Finn since Burt isn't his father but like, wouldn't Carol have told him? Wouldn't she have found out? Honestly, my head canon is that both Kurt and Carol told Finn but he wasn't listening because he was too busy talking to his sandwich. Finn awkwardly deflates, probably because he's realizing that my head canon is correct and then awkwardly sits down next to Kurt. 

I feel like this pic perfectly encapsulates my point.
Finn realizing that maybe yelling at the person who's real father is
in the hospital might be inappropriate while Kurt looks less than impressed

Mercedes asks if she can sing a song to Kurt and it's a really boring song that I don't recognize and is definitely more religious in spirit. It's I Look to You by Whitney Houston so yeah probably why I don't really know it, that's not my style of music. Anyway, Kurt thanks her for the song but admits that he doesn't believe in God. This is fair but practically everyone in the Glee Club is aghast at this? It's a bit odd to me but ok. Kurt explains his stance stating that God is like Santa for adults and honestly, he's not wrong (imo). Quinn dislikes that they are talking like this but Kurt says they are all entitled to their beliefs and while he appreciates their thoughts, he doesn't want their prayers. This is totally, 100% fine for him to request. Watch the show treat him like he's just the worst for this. It may not be what they intended but it's the message they've portrayed. 

Meanwhile, Sue has found out that Will was teaching his kids about God which is strictly prohibited in public schools, for good reason. There is no one true religion and there are kids of all nationalities, religions and what not that go to public school School is a place of learning, not of worship. No one should be made to feel inferior because of their beliefs and not being allowed to preach your beliefs at school is not persecution. So, I'm honestly on Sue's side even if she goes over the top with it. Will protests saying that Kurt is going through a lot and needs a way to express it and excuse you, Will. Do not use Kurt as an excuse to talk about God when he very clearly expressed that he does not believe in God nor does he want prayer. That's really gross and reads like Will thinks the only way to help Kurt is by talking about God and saving him from his atheism. Gross. Both Will and Figgins are upset about Sue and her lack of faith is inappropriate to them. Mm, hmm.

Rachel talks to Finn about how his newfound belief in God is affecting her. She's worried that when they get married and have kids (damn, slow down girl) that she wants them to be raised in the Jewish faith. Finn agrees to raise them Jewish (in the way she decides is right, in her words) and she happily kisses him. Then she lets him touch her boob and he thanks his sandwich again because this episode is really dumb, you guys. 

Not satisfied with her talk with Will and Figgins earlier, Sue digs up more dirt from Brittany and Santana who reveal that while they are not bothered by the Jesus stuff, Kurt is not into it. Sue then calls Kurt in to her office and urges him to file a complaint with the school board on the promise that she will back and support him. I've got to say, if Murphy, Brennan, and Falchuk thought they were producing a balanced look at religion, they are failing hard. It's very clear that the framing of atheism is meant to be seen as bad here, highlighted by the fact that the show's villain Sue, is using it to destroy the Glee Club. Again, they may be non religious themselves but it's odd that they've managed to frame this episode in a way where expressing disbelief in God is being shown in Kurt to be heartless and also being expressed by the coded villain of the show. 

Case in point, Emma, the coded good character, storms in to Sue's office to ask what is wrong with her. Am I crazy for thinking that Sue, while using it for her vendetta against Will, is actually in the right about religion in schools? Especially since the angle he's taking is very one sided and it didn't feel like it was really covering all religions but whether or not each Glee clubber believes in THE God as in Christian. Emma tries to shame Sue by bringing up Kurt and how they are only trying to offer him comfort and just no. You can't use him like that to push your views, he's already asked you guys to stop and expressed his preference so for Emma to just steamroll over Kurt's wishes because they want to give him comfort their way is honestly gross. Am I Team Sue this episode too? Emma wants to know what made Sue so spiteful and Sue gladly explains. Remember her big sister? The one with Down Syndrome? Well, she's about the only thing Sue loves more than anything but she realized as a little girl that not everyone felt the same way and that hurt her. So, she prayed and then prayed harder for her sister to get better but when nothing happened, she quickly realized that it wasn't that she wasn't praying hard enough, it's that no one was listening. 

How dare you make us adhere to actual laws regarding religion in schools!
Can't you see we're just trying to pray for a kid who asked us not to??

Guys, I am super curious here. Brad Falchuk wrote this episode (though I'm pretty sure they all kind of work together on each episode, he is listed as the main writer) and while I can't find anything explicitly stating that he's religious, this is kind of my tip off. I don't doubt there are some atheists who come to their beliefs this way but mostly? It doesn't ever occur to us to pray to a God. Like, he doesn't enter our thoughts at all. I'm sorry to tell you. Now, I have been mad at religion plenty of times, especially in times of great grief because honestly, it feels really, really shitty to be told your loved one died because their God had some sort of plan and I just can't abide that kind of heartless arrogance. If that thought helps you, that's fine but it does not help me. I don't find comfort in it because I don't believe in it. I don't think there is some being up there pulling the strings and if there were, I kind of do side with Sue that he would be pretty fucked up to put us through all this suffering. I find comfort in my friends and my loved ones, I have a moral compass because I understand the concept of right and wrong, more so than a lot of so-called religious types. Looking at you Steve "cheats on all his wives, divorced multiple times but sits on his high horse condemning atheists for having no moral compass and blaming women for his indiscretions" Harvey. Anyway, what's my point? My point is that I suspect Falchuk is very religious because they wrote this episode thinking they were being fair and showing both sides of the argument while displaying a very Christian view of atheism and giving blithe mention to Judaism and nothing else. What's that you say? Falchuk had an affair with a married woman (Gwynyth Paltrow)? Still checks out, see my rant on Steve Harvey above. 

And here comes my biggest gripe. The kids are upset that last week they were too sexy and this week they're too religious and how they can't win and then they get mad at Kurt for ratting on them. Will tells them to back off but Mercedes takes a jab that siding with Sue Sylvester won't do any good. Do you see what I'm saying? Atheism is presented through the coded bad character Sue who is driving a wedge between Kurt and the rest of the Glee Club. Also, it is insanely arrogant to me that everyone in Glee Club thinks they are doing this spirituality week to support Kurt when he has expressed his distaste for it numerous times, told them it made him uncomfortable and is telling them yet again that he's happy he did it because it hurts him to listen to them prattle on about religion while he's worried about his father. And again, they are going a very PureFlix route here with Kurt where they are very obviously trying to imply that he's mad at God that his dad is sick, no, he's mad that his friends are trying to airbrush his sadness and tell him that something he doesn't believe in will fix it. That is not comfort, that is ignorance. He already said he appreciates their thoughts but doesn't want prayers, accept that. Pray for him at home without his knowledge if that helps you feel like you are doing something but fucking respect his wishes. I hate this. 

Hard cut to Finn praying to his sandwich again. Is he praying that Burt will get better? Lol, no! He wants to be quarterback again. Puck comes in and Finn gets all defensive but Puck says he understands and went to temple with his Nanny to pray for Burt since he feels bad for Kurt and asks if Finn is doing the same. Finn lies and says he totally was. Finn. Baby. Honey. This is why Kurt didn't tell you about Burt, you selfish dick. I get that Glee has dumb storylines but this one DOES NOT work with the rest of the episode because it can't exist at the same time as something super tragic happening that should affect Finn just as much and yet, doesn't seem to outside of the one scene where he yells at Kurt for not telling him but then immediately deflates and gets awkward. Also, you're telling me that this moron thinks that his sandwich is granting him wishes and he's not wishing for his supposed father figure to get better? How fucking callous can you be? How did the writers not think about this? Falchuk? Looking at you. 

I could pray for Burt but lol, I want to be quarterback again!

Rachel and Finn are outside at a park so that Rachel can sing Papa Can You Hear Me? from Yentl. It's gorgeous, obviously but one little nitpick. Finn had to be dragged to a park by his girlfriend who is worried more about Burt than him. Did they really intend this to come off so badly for Finn? Because literally everyone around him cares more about Burt than he does. I mean, Kurt would care more but Finn should care more than the other kids in Glee and yet...his scene is praying to his sandwich about becoming quarterback again and Rachel is the one praying for Burt to get better. You suck. The song ends with Rachel, Finn, Finn's mom Carol, Quinn, and Mercedes in the hospital room with Burt. Kurt comes in and is rightly pissed that his friends have ignored his request to back off with the prayers. Again, I think Kurt might be going a bit over top, I don't think it's wrong that his friends want to pray to feel like they're helping his friend but I do think it's wrong to flaunt it in his face like this, insisting that he's wrong. Don't gaslight a grieving person, that is so not cool. He asks them to leave so that he can have an acupuncturist work on his father because he feels that it is actually doing something. If that's the thing that helps him, I don't think that's wrong either but the show seems to think that Kurt is still in the wrong here and I'm not buying what they're selling me.

We cut to Finn on the football field. Sam, remember Sam? Anyway, he makes a call and then Finn changes it because he's overconfident and Sam agrees. The play goes and Coach Bieste is immediately upset that they changed her play and wouldn't you know? Sam gets clocked and dislocates his shoulder. Bieste then makes Finn the quarterback so Finn got a real monkey's paw prayer wish. The sandwich must be spoiling. 

Will announces a congratulations to Finn for becoming the quarterback again. The Glee Club cheers him on but Puck mentions that it's too bad Sam had to get injured for it to happen and Finn gets guilt face. Kurt then stands up and informs everyone that his dad's condition remains the same so everything gets somber again. He thanks everyone for their kind emails and queries, so he's really not being a jerk like the episode seems to be painting unintentional or no. Kurt tells a story about how at his mom's funeral he just wanted his dad to say something to let him know that everything would be ok but his dad reached down, took his hand and squeezed it and that was enough for him. He then sings I Want to Hold Your Hand by The Beatles (sung in the style it was sung in Across the Universe). It's gorgeous and the imagery of little Kurt playing with his dad is tear inducing and yet...I still don't feel like the song truly fits and a father son song? It's very explicitly a love song and the lyrics come off a little bizarre as being sung by a son to a father but it's a beautiful cover and the little scenes of Kurt and his Dad are sweet. I'll allow it. Because you know your girl is crying right now just thinking of this scene because Burt is best dad and whoever they cast as mini Kurt was perfect casting and it was all sweet that they played tea parties together. If you want a good cry, watch at your own discretion:

Mercedes confronts Kurt by saying that she doesn't know how to be around him anymore and I think she's supposed to mean because he's being closed off but it really comes off as her shaming him for not believing what she believes and while Kurt acknowledges that he's been pushing his friends away and is sorry for that, my point is only punctuated when she invites Kurt to church with her. She knows he doesn't believe in God or religion and yet she seems to only know how to be around him if he adheres to her point of view and I honestly can't really get behind that message. You can be friends with people who don't share your religious beliefs, but I feel like it's because you don't really try to push your religion or lack thereof onto your friends. This is not the inclusive message they were hoping for. Kurt didn't need saving or to accept that church is a good thing, he needed to be accepted and respected for having his own set of beliefs and his own way of coping with grief. God is not the only answer.

We then go back to the goofy story as Finn confesses to Emma about his Grilled Cheesus. He says that he's the reason Sam got hurt and it's because he asked for three things, to win a football game, to touch Rachel's boobs, and to become the quarterback again and they all came true but he feels like shit because Sam got hurt just for the last one to come true. Emma is stuck on the sandwich and I can't blame her but my first question would have been, you didn't ask for your de facto dad to get better? Really? Even though you thought a magic sandwich was granting you wishes? Alright. Anyway, she knocks some sense into him by using logic, they won the football game because Bieste is a good coach, Rachel let him touch her boobs, not God, and Sam got hurt because of a left tackle who cheated and not because of a wish made to a sandwich. Finn is disappointed because he thought he had a direct line to God and now he feels like a useless dust particle floating through space. Oh honey, you were always a useless dust particle floating through space; now you're just self-aware about it. 

Cut to Finn singing Losing My Religion by R.E.M. which is a great song but like...is about unrequited love and not literally about losing your connection to God. I mean, yeah you can look at it the way Finn does, I suppose but it's very literally a romantic song about pining and becoming frustrated at not being noticed by the one you long for. Losing my religion is a Southern American expression that just means, I'm getting hella frustrated over here and losing my mind, getting to the end of my rope, stuff like that. I kind of hate it when people strip away the meaning of a song and just cling to one literal phrase and assume it's all about that. But I bet any shippers of Finn and Kurt were quite excited when Finn was staring at Kurt and singing the song to him at one point because honestly, I don't know what they were going for at that part because he's quite literally singing lyrics about pining after someone while looking at Kurt so make of that what you will. In the context the show was going for? I don't get it. Is he blaming Kurt for his loss of faith?? It makes no sense.

To prove my point that all these supposed music geeks are basic, the religious kids immediately get offended that Finn sings this song because they thought they couldn't sing about religion (hey, remember that episode in the first 13 when they were upset that they could only sing songs about religion when they performed Push It without permission? Yeah, they want you to forget about that) and Mercedes clarifies that they can't sing about religion but they can sing about losing it. Guys, it's not literally about losing your faith, Finn and you all are just too dumb to read into the actual lyrics. Cripes, just let me crank out a very obvious lyric here for you to see it's about going unnoticed by the one you love in the very first verse of the damn song:

Oh, life is bigger

It's bigger than you and you are not me

The lengths that I will go to the distance in your eyes

Oh no, I've said too much, I set it up

The lengths that he will go to prove his affection to the one he loves and hoping they feel the same way while coming to the crushing realization that "the distance in their eyes" tells him they do not reciprocate. It's right there but they're all offended that Finn sang an anti-religious song? Yet they were happily singing along to Billy Joel's Only the Good Die Young which while Billy has stated is not really meant as anti-religious so much as pro-lust, can absolutely be read more that way means these guys don't understand their song choices or what they should mean to the characters. You done goofed. I'm not even that much of a music nerd, you guys. How am I better at this? Anyway, Will asks Finn what's up and he says that he used to think God was watching over him but now he's not so sure.

Cut to Kurt at church and while I dislike that this is his arc this episode, I do love his fabulous hat. Very Christ-chic, as Kurt says. To Mercedes' credit she doesn't mock Kurt for having the acupuncturist work on his dad again and seems to be supportive. Mercedes then gets up and asks her church to pray for Kurt and his dad and while it's nice, Kurt asked her not to and I really wish she'd respect that. She tells him that she knows he doesn't believe in God and that it's ok and I have a ray of hope for her when she says to each their own but then she tells him that he should believe in something and like, no, he doesn't have to believe in anything spiritual to be fulfilled. I'm perfectly fulfilled without believing in something bigger, it actually frees me a lot more to not believe. I don't go around trying to convince religious people to not be religious, I just do what works for me. Kurt has friends, family, a good school to fall back on. He has science, he has other ways to express his worry like getting an acupuncturist. Will that do anything for his dad? Probably not but that's his way of making it feel like he is helping so don't tell him he doesn't believe in stuff. I hate this. But she does sing Bridge Over Troubled Water by my man Paul Simon so I'll ease up on her a bit. Simon and Garfunkle are the bomb. You know, if you like slow folksy music. Though this version is like the one covered by Aretha Franklin so it's less folksy and more powerhouse but it's still pretty good.

And seriously, that hat is dope

Sue is playing chess with her sister Jeannie and asks her if she believes in God. Sue confesses that she doesn't but Jeannie says she believes God never makes mistakes, then asks if Sue wants her to pray for her and Sue says that would be nice. It's a sweet scene between sisters but like, this is not what atheism is and it's not that balanced to show both characters who didn't believe suddenly being ok with religion because all they had to do was let go of their anger at God. Guys, we are not angry at God, we just don't have a need for him or believe in him. Whenever something bad happens to me, I don't blame God, I just curse my own bad luck in the world. If people try to convince me God has a plan for me or whatever yeah, I'm going to be a bit pissed that you're attitude is I'm going through this shit while others aren't because he's testing me because then I would have to be like God, you need to lay the fuck off because I can test myself just fine without your added obstacles. But really, it's not God, it's luck, genetics, happenstance. For all the shit I've been through, I look at the positives and think how lucky I was to be born in a time where a lot of my struggles were easily taken care of because of break throughs with medical science. I'm ranting, I know but I can't believe how much this episode is upsetting me with how it's treating Kurt and to a lesser extent Sue. Like, even if Sue's atheism is absolutely being seen through a Christian lens, I still feel like she has a pretty valid reason to think God is not all that great. Same with Kurt who's already lost his mom and is in danger of losing his father as well. 

Kurt is in the hospital room with his dad and apologizes to him for not letting his friends pray for him the other day. Why? That's not the worst thing ever and I hate that this show is trying to paint that as him crossing a line and not his friends. Again, his friends can pray for him but the fact that they went completely against Kurt's wishes and went behind his back to do it is just gross and the fact that Kurt is the one apologizing for it is a big tell to me that this was written with a religious bias. Anyway, Kurt relates a memory he had of their first Friday dinner and then says that while he doesn't believe in God, he does believe in his dad and their family and that's what's sacred to him. (I thought he was going to apologize about missing the Friday dinner which would have made way more thematic sense but nope, he apologized for something Burt wouldn't have even been aware of anyway. Grr.

Cut to the Glee Club singing One of Us by Joan Osborne which is only the Joan of Arcadia theme to me and quite possibly the only truly religious themed song in this whole episode other then maybe Papa Can You Hear Me? but I don't know the context of that one because I've never seen Yentl. Anyway, Sue comes in and sits near Will who assumes she's there to get him in trouble. He tells her the kids really wanted to sing the song so he let them and she says she's not going to report him because I guess she found God or some junk. This episode is trash, honestly. We also get Finn who has flipped from non-religious, to religious, to non-religious all in one episode and decides to eat the rest of his grilled cheese. This is supposed to be symbolic but I just can't get past the fact that that thing would be a rotting, soggy, unpleasant mess by this point and I'm so grossed out that he's eating it. I hate it. Not as much as the naked butt sweat stain but still pretty close to as much. Next week we actually get to see more than two seconds of Sam, the new character in Duets. 

Sue: I'm showing my soft side again, does this mean I'm reformed?
Will: No, Sue. You're Sisyphus, doomed to keep reforming and descend back into villainy forever.
Sue: ...Well, fuck.