Original air date: October 27, 1999
I'm just going to start off this recap by saying that this is Eve's last episode. Yeah I know, spoilers, but I just need to get this off my chest now because it sets up the rant that is to come later about her character. Remember, this is her last episode ever. EVER. She never comes back. So, with that in mind, onto the recap.
We open the episode with Dawson and Pacey hanging out in Dawson's room and watching movies. Film noire, to be exact. They really want to hammer in the theme they were going for this season and spell out for the audiences what type of character Eve is supposed to be. Dawson starts mouthing off about not understanding film noire by saying that the main character is stupid for not seeing that the femme fatale is setting him up for a fall.
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| You decide |
Anyway, Pacey leaves and that's when Dawson notices a flashlight beam inside the Lindley's home. In a shockingly smart move, Dawson calls the police to report this. Then he goes over to investigate because clearly, the Lindley's either aren't home or are extremely heavy sleepers. He makes it to the house when the skulker jumps out of the window onto him. It turns out to be Eve.
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| Oh joy, it's her again |
Dawson demands to know what Eve is doing lurking around Jen's place. Eve tries to put on the sexy thing by claiming that she and Jen are having a torrid lesbian romance but Dawson isn't having it. She gets annoyed that she can't distract him with girl kisses and moves on to threatening him about the PSAT thing. I don't see how it's a threat because it was such a non issue in the episode it was featured itself. No one can prove Dawson had it, no one knows where it went, thus no one can even say if it existed in the first place. Dawson didn't even take the test so how would anyone believe he'd stolen it? Then Eve says this:
Get it! Because she was on Sweet Valley High and now she's making a reference to it but in regards to Dawson's friends!
Dawson caves into his penis and covers for her to Doug. He claims it was just Jen sneaking in the window but like, shouldn't Doug asks the Lindley's if they are alright? Are they not home? Did I miss something? Whatever, Doug buys it somewhat and leaves and Dawson goes back to his room to find that Sweet Valley Eve has disappeared.
The True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek are lying on a blanket and looking at the stars together. Jack tries to get Jen to admit she'd rather be doing this with someone else but Jen insists she's happy right now. She likes hanging out with her best friend and thinks it's truly important to have one. Yeah, back off, Jack. All she's wanted since she got on this show was a friend and she's been burned several times on that front. Just let her be happy to have you as a friend and stop pushing boyfriend stuff on her, especially if you think said boyfriend should be Henry because no. Some sprinklers suddenly come on and interrupt their discussion.
At Joey's gas jockey job, she has to endure her boss hitting on her again. Just take a look at this:
Dawson begins his hunt for Eve and it goes no where. The strip club owner doesn't cooperate because a)Dawson is underage and therefore should not have been in his club and b) if the girl in question is also in high school, then she wouldn't be working for him or he'd be in serious shit. He also finds out that she was never enrolled at Capeside High.
Guys, I love Jack McPhee, I really do but this episode he is pissing me right off. He is talking with Henry who is freaking out about Jen coming towards them. Jack then tells Henry to just ask her out and I'm not impressed because this makes him a shitty friend to both Jen and Henry. He talked to Jen about this and Jen expressly said she had no interest in him. He should just tell Henry to move on but no, he keeps pushing Henry to ask her out, thus blatantly ignoring what his best friend told him and knowingly sets Henry up to be humiliated.
She comes over and tells them that the ice cream man is outside but then offers them both a lick of hers. Excuse me while I hurl. I can kind of get her offering to Jack because their friends but she doesn't even know Henry that well. Why would she do this? It's just gross and unsanitary and...I may have issues with sharing food, OK?
Anyway, Henry complains that he can't ask her out because he gets too nervous to talk to her and ugh! Jack tries to set something up where they will just happen to be in the same place at the same time and just no. Jack, you are killing me! Why are you being such a shitty friend to Jen? You two are my True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek! Why do you insist on hurting me?
Dawson asks Doug for hypothetical help on investigating which is an incredibly stupid idea considering he called the cops about a break and enter and then insisted that nothing was the matter and is now asking how to find someone. Doug then tells him to check the laundromat because everyone has to do laundry at some point.
Dawson follows this advice and sits outside the laundromat. Pacey calls Dawson out on being obsessed while Dawson rants about how he needs to find out all about Eve (movie reference just like in the show!). Pacey convinces him to give it up and just watch a movie together but then they spot her buying ice cream and follow her.
Back at Joey's job of dealing with inappropriate, would-be statutory rapists. Her boss continues to harass her but then claims to have found a different date, to try and make Joey, a teenager, jealous. Uhm...who's the adult here? Anyway, the teen in question that he found to date him is none other than Andie because the writers are having a field day absolutely torching her character and making you forget why you ever liked her in the first place. I mean, this guy is so over the top creepy and is obviously still hitting on Joey and I'm supposed to believe that Andie sees none of this and just dizzily goes on her way after he objectifies her supposed friend? Yeah, Andie said Joey was her friend, not that you'd know since they barely ever share any screen time together but if she says she considers Joey a friend, then she should have been appalled that Rob, the boss, stuck money in her friend's shirt pocket and tells her to "buy something pretty".
Meanwhile, at the park, Jen arrives for her ambush date with Henry who is practicing what he's gong to say to her. He claims he is just there to hang out, like her but Jen says that she's actually waiting for Jack. Henry then mumbles that Jack can't come so he sent him and Jen looks rightfully pissed.
Pacey and Dawson have apparently tracked Eve until night time and manage to follow her to a boat. She gets changed sexily because that's really the only purpose this character serves, to be sexy for the male audience, and then leaves the boat again. Pacey goes to follow Eve but Dawson decides to do a little break and entering himself. He sucks at it and gets caught but not before he finds and pockets a picture of a blonde haired woman.
Doug, is apparently the only cop ever on duty in Capeside and he works all hours of the day and night. I think that Doug isn't actually Pacey's brother but a robot that his dad created to be the keeper of law and order in the town. Doug Witter is...
Anyway, Doug sarcastically asks Dawson if this is more research for his screenplay but Dawson tries to tell him that it's his friend's boat. Doug then asks if he's friends with 80 year olds because it's an old couple that owns the boat. Dawson then tries to pretend that he got on the wrong boat but Doug isn't buying it and thinks Dawson's friend is exactly who they are looking for.
Pacey arrives and begins his usual schtick of making jokes about Doug being gay to which Doug says:
Joey tries to warn Andie about Rob being a skeev which Andie really should have picked up on, given she was there for the whole "buy something pretty" incident. Andie is being wilfully ignorant and insults Joey about being inexperienced with guys and being closed off to new people. No, Andie, Joey is just closed off to obvious statutory rapists.
Joey decides that she should use her date crashing abilities for good this time and sits with Andie and Rob at the movies so that Rob can't make a move on Andie. Andie tries to tell her to leave but Joey tells Andie that she can psychoanalyse her in the morning and be mad at her all she wants, she will not leave her alone with Rob. Holy shit...is that Joey being a good friend?
Jen storms home and confronts Jack about his douchebaggery. Jack says he was just helping out a friend and that he thought it would be romantic. What about Jen? Is she not your friend, Jack? She told you she wasn't interested in Henry, it doesn't matter how nice you think he is, she isn't interested in him. They have nothing in common. Being nice doesn't mean you deserve to be given a chance with every girl you think is hot, you have to, you know, actually click with the person you want to date and they have to click with you. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS SHOW PERPETUATES THE NICE GUY THING!!! IT PISSES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF!!!
So, why is you being a general nice person not enough? Well, I'll let Jen explain this one for me:
Two points, you can be as nice as hell but if you are horrible at interacting with girls and stare creepily at them, THEY WILL NOT BE INTERESTED IN YOU! That is a major turn off for most girls. Also, once again, the girl has a choice in who she dates. If she says she isn't interested, she isn't interested, end of. I hate this subplot and I hate that it made my favourite soul mates get into a fight and I hate Henry and I just hate everything right now and I haven't even gotten to my Eve rant yet!
Oh god, my stress levels are rising just thinking about writing about this next scene. Eve has broken into Dawson's room and demands her picture back. Dawson demands answers from her first because he's a douche who feels like he's entitled to know about her so much as to steal her property and hold it ransom which, by the by, is like a thousand times worse than anything she's supposedly done to him. In fact, Dawson yells at her about ruining his life and wrecking his father's boat.
YOU WRECKED YOUR FATHER'S BOAT, DAWSON!! YOU DID!!! She was just giving you a blow job, god knows why, and you couldn't handle driving and getting sucked off at the same time. YOU shouldn't have taken your father's boat out. YOU should have slowed down or stopped when she started to give you a blow job. YOU were in control of everything in that situation and most importantly of all YOU WANTED THE BLOW JOB! Suffer the consequences of your own damn actions, Dawson! Oh my god, I hate him so much!!!
Anyway, Eve explains to Dawson that the woman in the picture is her birth mother who she's been trying to find. They exchange some pleasantries and Eve gushes about how nice Dawson is and I want to vomit. She finally leaves and Dawson is all smug about how he cracked her and discovered her secret. WE NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. I want you to remember this because we are very quickly getting to my Eve rant.
Jack apologizes to Jen for setting her up on a date with Henry but states that he was just trying to do her a favour. Jen tells him that she doesn't want a relationship, that she's happy with the way things are. She says she's had plenty of boyfriends but she's never had a boy who was first and last her friend and that is all she needs right now. She then calls him out and says that it's him who's lonely for a relationship and that's why he was pushing her so hard. Jack admits that he is lonely but that there is no hope for him finding a date in small town anti-gay, America. Jen lovingly tells him that he will find love and it will be amazing.
Joey and Andie confront each other the next day and seem to make up a bit. Andie informs Joey that Rob was a perfect gentleman but Joey isn't buying it and neither am I. Especially not when he walks up and says this:
Eve: So feel free to get all boy scouty on me Dawson, but you should know, I'd get quite the perverse little thrill out of making things profoundly uncomfortable for you and the rest of the Sweet Valley High extras you call your friends.
Get it! Because she was on Sweet Valley High and now she's making a reference to it but in regards to Dawson's friends!
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| You said it, Troy |
Dawson caves into his penis and covers for her to Doug. He claims it was just Jen sneaking in the window but like, shouldn't Doug asks the Lindley's if they are alright? Are they not home? Did I miss something? Whatever, Doug buys it somewhat and leaves and Dawson goes back to his room to find that Sweet Valley Eve has disappeared.
The True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek are lying on a blanket and looking at the stars together. Jack tries to get Jen to admit she'd rather be doing this with someone else but Jen insists she's happy right now. She likes hanging out with her best friend and thinks it's truly important to have one. Yeah, back off, Jack. All she's wanted since she got on this show was a friend and she's been burned several times on that front. Just let her be happy to have you as a friend and stop pushing boyfriend stuff on her, especially if you think said boyfriend should be Henry because no. Some sprinklers suddenly come on and interrupt their discussion.
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| So cute! |
At Joey's gas jockey job, she has to endure her boss hitting on her again. Just take a look at this:
Rob: So Potter, what do you say, you and me at the movies tonight?No, no, no, no, no. So much "no" in this exchange, I can't even. Writers, this isn't a "quirky", slightly annoying thing that Joey has to deal with. This is serious sexual harassment and of a minor, no less. This is the creepiest thing the writers have put in this show since the Ta-mah-ra/Pacey relationship except worse and no, not because it's an older guy on a younger girl. Both are wrong but this dude is flat out threatening her job if she doesn't go on a date with him and is making overt sexual advances to a minor and she has to point this out to him but he persists anyway, claiming she'll be jealous if he gets another girl.Then he sprays her chest with water while she's telling him to stop! THIS GUY IS INSANELY CREEPY AND I WANT HIM OFF THE SHOW NOW!!
Joey: Oh joy. Is this the part of the work day where you get inappropriate?
Rob: That depends on what your answer is.
Joey: My answer is … ask me again in two years when I am legal.
Dawson begins his hunt for Eve and it goes no where. The strip club owner doesn't cooperate because a)Dawson is underage and therefore should not have been in his club and b) if the girl in question is also in high school, then she wouldn't be working for him or he'd be in serious shit. He also finds out that she was never enrolled at Capeside High.
Guys, I love Jack McPhee, I really do but this episode he is pissing me right off. He is talking with Henry who is freaking out about Jen coming towards them. Jack then tells Henry to just ask her out and I'm not impressed because this makes him a shitty friend to both Jen and Henry. He talked to Jen about this and Jen expressly said she had no interest in him. He should just tell Henry to move on but no, he keeps pushing Henry to ask her out, thus blatantly ignoring what his best friend told him and knowingly sets Henry up to be humiliated.
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| Not cool, Jack |
She comes over and tells them that the ice cream man is outside but then offers them both a lick of hers. Excuse me while I hurl. I can kind of get her offering to Jack because their friends but she doesn't even know Henry that well. Why would she do this? It's just gross and unsanitary and...I may have issues with sharing food, OK?
Anyway, Henry complains that he can't ask her out because he gets too nervous to talk to her and ugh! Jack tries to set something up where they will just happen to be in the same place at the same time and just no. Jack, you are killing me! Why are you being such a shitty friend to Jen? You two are my True Soul Mates of Dawson's Creek! Why do you insist on hurting me?
Dawson asks Doug for hypothetical help on investigating which is an incredibly stupid idea considering he called the cops about a break and enter and then insisted that nothing was the matter and is now asking how to find someone. Doug then tells him to check the laundromat because everyone has to do laundry at some point.
Dawson follows this advice and sits outside the laundromat. Pacey calls Dawson out on being obsessed while Dawson rants about how he needs to find out all about Eve (movie reference just like in the show!). Pacey convinces him to give it up and just watch a movie together but then they spot her buying ice cream and follow her.
Back at Joey's job of dealing with inappropriate, would-be statutory rapists. Her boss continues to harass her but then claims to have found a different date, to try and make Joey, a teenager, jealous. Uhm...who's the adult here? Anyway, the teen in question that he found to date him is none other than Andie because the writers are having a field day absolutely torching her character and making you forget why you ever liked her in the first place. I mean, this guy is so over the top creepy and is obviously still hitting on Joey and I'm supposed to believe that Andie sees none of this and just dizzily goes on her way after he objectifies her supposed friend? Yeah, Andie said Joey was her friend, not that you'd know since they barely ever share any screen time together but if she says she considers Joey a friend, then she should have been appalled that Rob, the boss, stuck money in her friend's shirt pocket and tells her to "buy something pretty".
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| Preach, Joey |
Meanwhile, at the park, Jen arrives for her ambush date with Henry who is practicing what he's gong to say to her. He claims he is just there to hang out, like her but Jen says that she's actually waiting for Jack. Henry then mumbles that Jack can't come so he sent him and Jen looks rightfully pissed.
Jen: You know Henry, I know you're new at this being all of uh, I don't know what … fourteen?Thank you, Jen! Yes, absolutely she should have been asked, not pushed into dating someone she had zero interest in. Major fucking foul, Jack.
Henry: Fifteen.
Jen: OK, Fifteen. Dating is a consensual activity that usually involves some sort of pre-arrangement. Next time don't skip the part where you ask me.
Pacey and Dawson have apparently tracked Eve until night time and manage to follow her to a boat. She gets changed sexily because that's really the only purpose this character serves, to be sexy for the male audience, and then leaves the boat again. Pacey goes to follow Eve but Dawson decides to do a little break and entering himself. He sucks at it and gets caught but not before he finds and pockets a picture of a blonde haired woman.
Doug, is apparently the only cop ever on duty in Capeside and he works all hours of the day and night. I think that Doug isn't actually Pacey's brother but a robot that his dad created to be the keeper of law and order in the town. Doug Witter is...
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| Robocop...Capeside Edition! Yes, I actually put Doug's face in there |
Anyway, Doug sarcastically asks Dawson if this is more research for his screenplay but Dawson tries to tell him that it's his friend's boat. Doug then asks if he's friends with 80 year olds because it's an old couple that owns the boat. Dawson then tries to pretend that he got on the wrong boat but Doug isn't buying it and thinks Dawson's friend is exactly who they are looking for.
Pacey arrives and begins his usual schtick of making jokes about Doug being gay to which Doug says:
Doug: Little brother, your obsession with my sexuality is just … plain weird. Look, do I have to talk to dad again, huh?Word. I love you, Pacey, but Doug is right. This is just getting weird and it's not funny or sensitive to the actual gay character on the show. Remember when I said that this show actually did a pretty good job with it's character coming out as gay and may even have handled it better than Buffy? Well, I take that back. The coming out might have been handled a little better but everything after is kind of questionable. Anyway, Pacey's plan works because Doug yells at them that he's not gay and tells them to get lost. Pacey knows the robot's weakness is his blatant homophobia.
Joey tries to warn Andie about Rob being a skeev which Andie really should have picked up on, given she was there for the whole "buy something pretty" incident. Andie is being wilfully ignorant and insults Joey about being inexperienced with guys and being closed off to new people. No, Andie, Joey is just closed off to obvious statutory rapists.
Joey decides that she should use her date crashing abilities for good this time and sits with Andie and Rob at the movies so that Rob can't make a move on Andie. Andie tries to tell her to leave but Joey tells Andie that she can psychoanalyse her in the morning and be mad at her all she wants, she will not leave her alone with Rob. Holy shit...is that Joey being a good friend?
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| I'm liking season 3 Joey so far |
Jen storms home and confronts Jack about his douchebaggery. Jack says he was just helping out a friend and that he thought it would be romantic. What about Jen? Is she not your friend, Jack? She told you she wasn't interested in Henry, it doesn't matter how nice you think he is, she isn't interested in him. They have nothing in common. Being nice doesn't mean you deserve to be given a chance with every girl you think is hot, you have to, you know, actually click with the person you want to date and they have to click with you. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW MUCH THIS SHOW PERPETUATES THE NICE GUY THING!!! IT PISSES ME RIGHT THE FUCK OFF!!!
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| Sorry, I just really hate the "Nice Guy" thing |
So, why is you being a general nice person not enough? Well, I'll let Jen explain this one for me:
Jen: Oh yeah, he's a real nice kid. He stares at me like I'm a pornographic fantasy come to life.
Jack: That's because he's infatuated with you.
Jen: Well I'm not infatuated with him, and I told you that a thousand times and you didn't listen to me. You took his side.
Two points, you can be as nice as hell but if you are horrible at interacting with girls and stare creepily at them, THEY WILL NOT BE INTERESTED IN YOU! That is a major turn off for most girls. Also, once again, the girl has a choice in who she dates. If she says she isn't interested, she isn't interested, end of. I hate this subplot and I hate that it made my favourite soul mates get into a fight and I hate Henry and I just hate everything right now and I haven't even gotten to my Eve rant yet!
Oh god, my stress levels are rising just thinking about writing about this next scene. Eve has broken into Dawson's room and demands her picture back. Dawson demands answers from her first because he's a douche who feels like he's entitled to know about her so much as to steal her property and hold it ransom which, by the by, is like a thousand times worse than anything she's supposedly done to him. In fact, Dawson yells at her about ruining his life and wrecking his father's boat.
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| My reaction exactly |
YOU WRECKED YOUR FATHER'S BOAT, DAWSON!! YOU DID!!! She was just giving you a blow job, god knows why, and you couldn't handle driving and getting sucked off at the same time. YOU shouldn't have taken your father's boat out. YOU should have slowed down or stopped when she started to give you a blow job. YOU were in control of everything in that situation and most importantly of all YOU WANTED THE BLOW JOB! Suffer the consequences of your own damn actions, Dawson! Oh my god, I hate him so much!!!
Anyway, Eve explains to Dawson that the woman in the picture is her birth mother who she's been trying to find. They exchange some pleasantries and Eve gushes about how nice Dawson is and I want to vomit. She finally leaves and Dawson is all smug about how he cracked her and discovered her secret. WE NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. I want you to remember this because we are very quickly getting to my Eve rant.
Jack apologizes to Jen for setting her up on a date with Henry but states that he was just trying to do her a favour. Jen tells him that she doesn't want a relationship, that she's happy with the way things are. She says she's had plenty of boyfriends but she's never had a boy who was first and last her friend and that is all she needs right now. She then calls him out and says that it's him who's lonely for a relationship and that's why he was pushing her so hard. Jack admits that he is lonely but that there is no hope for him finding a date in small town anti-gay, America. Jen lovingly tells him that he will find love and it will be amazing.
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| Yay, my soul mates are back! Never do that again, Jack |
Joey and Andie confront each other the next day and seem to make up a bit. Andie informs Joey that Rob was a perfect gentleman but Joey isn't buying it and neither am I. Especially not when he walks up and says this:
Rob: Yeah, I know. So last night, quite a threesome. Only next time I want to be in the middle.This guy is so gross, can he leave and never come back, please? Anyway, he asks Joey if she closed early to go to the movies, Joey says she did because it was slow and Rob fires her. Because he's a dick and a sexist pig and I hate him and I will seriously punch something if the writers ever expect me to feel sorry for this lame wad.
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| What she said |
OK and now we get to the end of the episode. Dawson is bringing an air conditioner over to Grams' because they are still having an Indian Summer which every character has mentioned in this episode. This is just a loose way to explain why the characters don't need to wear jackets in the fall, and it always seems to be warm in Capeside, so I ignored it. Anyway, as Dawson brings in the air conditioner, he spots a picture on Grams' coffee table. It's the same woman as in Eve's photo. He asks Grams who it is and she says it's her daughter, Helen. Dawson asks if it's Jen's mom and Grans confirms this by saying that she only has one daughter. Dun, dun-
I'm sorry, what? The big reveal about the mystery of Eve and what she was doing in Capeside is that she's Jen's half sister? She's Jen's half sister!? Well what the fuck was she doing stalking Dawson for all this time? What the fuck, writers?
OK, so there's this thing called the Bechdel test and what it does is rates whether a movie or show involves at least two female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man. I don't put too much stock in it, I don't avoid things that fail this test because a lot of my favourite shows and movies would probably fail it some way but this storyline right here? It is an absolute, disgraceful, failure of this test. You mean to tell me that I had to sit through this girl swishing her stuff for Dawson Leery of all people and giving him head only to find out that she's Jen's half sister? The two girls never once shared screen time. Never. Not once.
Why the hell was she in Dawson's story? Should she not have been asking him questions about Jen? Should she not have been focusing all of her time and interest in Jen and locating her mother instead of wasting her time being nothing but a sex fantasy for Dawson fucking Leery? This story is absolutely insulting to its female viewers. To make us believe that a girl who is trying to find out who her mother is would waste time dicking around with boys is demeaning. This is a travesty of a plot and a fail of a reveal and a waste of a potentially really great story for Jen, all so Dawson could have a sexual encounter. Fuck you, writers. Just fuck you. That was a waste of my time and a waste of a pretty dramatic reveal as the writers promptly drop this storyline. I think we get one more episode that kind of deals with it but as I said, Eve never returns and never gets a chance to interact with her goddamn half sister because the writers wanted her to be Dawson's sex bot instead.
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| One for you, one for you, one for everybody involved who thought this storyline was acceptable |
This rage-inducing episode was Indian Summer. It sucked. It's up there as worst in the series for me along with Tamara's Return. See all rants above as to why.
Stay tuned for the next recap, Secret & Lies
, where Andie reaches her peak of horrible and I start to not care about her at all. You win, writers.
I believe Mr. Rogers speaks for all of us here.
ReplyDeleteA applaud your rant on the horribleness of this storyline!!! Also I agree this is one of the worst DC episodes, between Eve and the Rob dude, just plain bad storylines!
ReplyDelete