Dawson's Creek - 304 - Home Movies

Original air date: October 20, 1999

Eve isn't in this episode! Hooray!

We start the episode in Dawson's room as he's preparing to make a non-fictional video. Pacey is asking him what made him change from fiction to making real life stories and Dawson explains that his mom is asking him to get her some raw footage for a human interest story that could be aired on her news show. Dawson thinks this is his chance to get his foot in the door but I doubt it because news is an entirely different field than movies and people don't usually notice camera work or who does the camera work on news stories either. Dawson seems to think otherwise and is excited about this opportunity. He has chosen to do his story on Jack McPhee because he's gay and plays on the football team and that was just crazy and unthinkable in the 90s.

He finds what he thinks is a tape of his mom's work but is actually old home movies of him and Joey playing as kids. This makes me upset because it reminds me that someone commented on my blog that there was apparently a scene written of Joey interacting with Pacey as a child but it was never filmed and I can't find the script anywhere. I want that script, dammit!

Who cares about Dawson and Joey?

Grams chastises Jen for "degrading" her school colours by wearing fishnet stalkings with her cheer leading uniform. Jen says it's her form of protest against people sexualizing cheerleaders which makes no sense because she's just playing into the sexualizing aspect so she's really not getting any message across against it. As much as I usually love Jen and Grams, this scene totally just exists as a "Jen says something sexual around Grams and Grams gets shocked" moment that's supposed to be funny but it's kind of tired at this point. Skip it.

Pacey sneaks up on Joey and they banter about how much they hate all the school spirit that's going on. How come I love it when Pacey and Joey banter but hate it when Dawson and Joey do it? Answer, because Dawson sucks and Pacey is awesome. Fact. Anyway, Pacey asks Joey if she wants to cut class and come with him somewhere. She asks him where but he refuses to say and she feigns disinterest. He leaves her to think about her offer to follow him. She debates with herself but of course she follows him, because he's Pacey.

I love them

Dawson is interviewing Jack about football when Coach Mitch interrupts and tells Jack to get to practice. Dawson says that he can interview Mitch while Jack practices but Mitch shuts him down, on account of he's the coach and needs to actually watch the practice. Dawson whines that his project is due tomorrow but Mitch tells him to get an extension and deal with it. I kind of laugh because I just love it when Dawson doesn't get his way.

Henry is showing off his Doug Flutie mouthpiece to the team when Jen and the cheerleaders walk up and asks what they're going on about. Jack explains to her while Henry quietly shows her the mouthpiece. She's disgusted that it was in some strange guys mouth and walks away. Henry then creepers about her to Jack and says he has to do something to get her to notice him.

Jack, stop mocking Henry or you'll end up on his kill table

The cheerleaders reveal to Jen that she is the prize in a silent auction they were running and that as the prize, she has to kiss whoever wins. That's insanely creepy and Jen agrees, tells them all off and quits. Huh, not that I disagree with her stance but just last episode she was going on about fate and Jack becoming a football player meaning something so he should stick with it. Why doesn't the same rule apply to her?

Kind of hypocritical of you, Jen

Andie bumps into a man in the hallway of school who turns out to be from Educational Testing Services. She immediately acts as guilty as possible and asks him if someone cheated which the tester does not tell her but asks her to tell him where her Principal is. She tells him and has a completely guilty and worried look on her face.

Pacey and Joey are walking down a dirt road while Joey whines about the fact that she risked her future to cut class with him, only to be dragged to the post office to pick up a package and then carry said package through the wilderness. It's not really the wilderness, it's a dirt road, Joey. You have a very clear path you are following, you're not just wandering through the bushes. Then Pacey says this:

Pacey: Oh, God. You know, did you ever stop to think about how much hormonally charged energy you waste on these quick quips and the biting banter? Your life would be considerably more productive if you would just take some more, ah…oh, what is that? More, ah … action! If you took more action.

I just...I just love him so much. You see? This is why Joey needs him, he calls her out on her bullshit and keeps her in check. Dawson would have just laughed like a dope and probably ignored her. I want to also note that Pacey is not being a jerk about it, he's just telling her to stop over thinking things, so no girls still don't like jerks over nice guys and Dawson is still not a nice guy.

Pacey then tells her that she should stick out her thumb to hitch them a ride because girls get picked up more than guy hitchhikers. Joey calls him a sexist but Pacey says he's just a pragmatist but I can't get down on him too much because then he starts referencing, literally my favourite rom com ever, The Sure Thing. I LOVE PACEY SO HARD! I WANT TO CUDDLE HIM AND WATCH THE SURE THING WITH HIM FOREVER!!!

Joey sticks out her thumb to hitch but wouldn't you know it, the person who stops to pick her up is Principal Green. Why was he driving down a random dirt road in the middle of a school day? Because the plot says so and Joey and Pacey needed to get caught.

Awww, even when he's in trouble, he's still a gentleman

Dawson tries to get his dad to do an interview but Mitch still refuses until after his game. Dawson whines that he has to get it done so that he can get it to his mom. Mitch is confused because he didn't realize Dawson's interview would go on TV, he thought it was just for school. Dawson whines that he told his dad this but Mitch says that he doesn't want the interview to go on TV because it might ruin their chances of winning. Dawson complains that he waited his entire life for this opportunity and Mitch shuts him down gloriously by mockingly asking "all 16 years of it?" Then Mitch refuses to do the interview and Dawson is a sad panda.

You know how Joey has gotten better this season? It's really only when she's with Pacey because the minute she's with Dawson, she gets as infuriating as ever. She snipes at him but he ignores it and asks for advice and she says "What else are dumped ex-girlfriends for?"

YOU dumped HIM, Joey! Why do you insist on forgetting this? I know you wanted to get back together and he turned you down but still, you were the one who dumped him. Let us all remember:

Anyway, Dawson asks for her advice about the issues he's having with his father and she tells him that it's up to him to decide what he's willing to do and what he's willing to lose to get what he wants. Right now, Dawson going ahead with his story might kill his father, Joey retorts that according to Freud, that's what sons are supposed to do. Which is stupid and outdated and not good advice. Joey, go hang out with Pacey again, you've got more improving to do. Dawson thanks her by giving her the tape that he and Pacey found at the beginning of the episode.

The cheerleaders pester Jen in the morning while she's just waking up (not cool, Grams. Give the girl some warning), and ask her to reconsider the kiss. Jen says she quits and that's that. They don't care that she doesn't want to be on the squad because another girl has already been upped to Head Cheerleader, they just want her to reconsider the kiss as someone donated $500 but only wants to kiss Jen. I think we all know who bid the money, it's really obvious.

It's the pig, isn't it?

Jen reluctantly agrees because it's revealed that they are raising money for orphans and she would look like a jackass if she didn't go through with it. Ah, guilt pressure.

Andie is confronted by Principal Green in the hallway and is asked to come by his office on Monday for a "disciplinary matter". He is needlessly cryptic about this which is hilarious when you find out why he wanted to meet with her. His vague descriptions, of course, freak Andie out and she looks like she's going to hurl.

So, Principal Green has finally decided to punish Pacey and Joey for skipping class. You remember that he picked them up the other day but I guess said nothing to them until today? That's weird. Anyway, he has decided that instead of just, I don't know, giving them detention or something, he wants to give them a stupid punishment. Pacey and Joey look horrified but we don't know what it is until later. Side bar, do high schoolers really get in this much trouble for skipping class? I cut class all the time, you were never in trouble for it (if you kept your ditching to under 10 times). I guess Canadian schools are a bit more lax in attendance once you hit high school than in the US?

Jack bumps into Andie and mentions that he went through with the interview with Dawson. She suddenly goes all doom and gloom about making the wrong life choices and screwing up the future and it's funny because she's talking about herself but Jack thinks she's talking about him. No, scratch that, it's not funny. It's just awkward and kind of selfish of Andie to put all of this onto her brother when it's her who feels guilty and should since she cheated on her PSAT.  So, chalk this up to the further character assassination of Andie McPhee but hang on, it gets worse in later episodes. This is nothing.

Dawson's interview with Jack plays on TV that night and he was even douchey enough to interview the opposing team's coach, thus totally giving away Capeside's secret weapon. Jesus, Dawson, that's cold. Why would you think that was OK? I don't even care about football and do think that Dawson had the right to fulfil his own dream but there was a way to do the interview without mentioning how good Jack is. Just focus on his adversities about being gay and being on the football team and don't mention how good he is. Then, you both win because back then, the other team would have probably been douchey enough to not see Jack as a threat because he's gay. But, whatever, Dawson and Mitch argue about it and Mitch says this gloriousness to Dawson:

Yes, yes, yes!

Oh my god, yes! I've never liked Mitch as much as right now

The next day, sure enough, the team is getting their ass handed to them and the opposing team is gunning for Jack. Dawson sheepishly asks Jen if this is his fault and Jen, bless her, bluntly tells him that it is. I love her.

Pacey and Joey are arguing in a change room about their punishment. Apparently, they have to dress up as the team's mascot, a mule. Pacey begs her to let him be the head and Joey obliges after he mentions that he gets sick "in the back seat". At the same time, Andie is practicing this long-winded confession/apology thing to Principal Green in a mirror.

Mitch is trying to rally the troops during the halftime to try to get them to score before the game ends. Dawson enters the change room with a bucket of black paint and tells everyone that they have to turn their weakness into a strength. Mitch asks what is with the bucket and Dawson says:

Dawson: We'll start by obscuring everyone's numbers, so the other team can't find Jack.

Uhhhh, isn't that cheating?

See, I don't know much about football. Yes, I'm your typical girl that finds sports just completely boring but even I felt like that was not a thing that was allowed. So, I consulted my husband who does watch NFL all the time, if this was legal to do. He tells me no, no it isn't. They would most likely be asked right away to wash off their jerseys or forfeit the game and the coach would probably get a fine and/or suspended.

But wait, this is only phase one of Dawson's cheat-eriffic plan. Phase two is that the cheerleaders are going to put a shit tonne of make up on their faces to make them hard to distinguish. My husband tells me that this probably wouldn't be illegal to do but would be completely impractical because the minute they start playing and sweating, the make up would probably run and get into their eyes. So, this would be completely impractical regardless of the rules. But who cares? They're writing this for girls and we don't care about stuff like rules, we just want to giggle at jocks wearing make up! Why bother trying to write something accurate if it's just a silly drama for girls to swoon over, right ladies?

Tee-hee! Make up on boys is silly!

Also...

This line makes me uncomfortable. Highly questionable, writers

Anyway, Capeside ends up winning and the Principal gives Mitch accolades on his "imaginative game play" which I think he means "completely underhanded and cheating game play" but whatever. Everyone's happy.

Andie confronts the Principal and demands to know what he wanted to talk to her about. He laughs and says he wants to set up a student disciplinary committee and he wants her to be in charge of it. She quickly accepts and doesn't confess to cheating on the PSATs. This is still not the worst thing she'll do this season, the writers have more character assassinating to do. 

Jen is waiting to see who she has to kiss when, big shock to no one, it's revealed that it's her stalker, Henry. She questions how he got $500 and he tells her he sold that gross Doug Flutie mouthpiece he was showing off at the beginning of the episode. Jen is actually sort of touched by this and she kisses him. Jen tries to send everyone off after but Principal Green first reveals that she has been chosen as Capeside's Homecoming Queen, much to Jen's annoyance. 

Andie tells Jack that she told him everything would work out fine and that he didn't need to worry. He tells her she's making his head spin because she's acting like she wasn't predicting doom and gloom earlier. Jack...your sister has severe mental problems and a history of manic depressive behaviour. You should be extremely concerned about her massive change in moods right now. But, the writers just want us to laugh it off as cute and silly. Look, the writers really blow chunks at dealing with serious mental problems, they just really shouldn't have tried to tackle it. 

Everything's fine now! My erratic behaviour is now cute
and not a sign of serious mental and emotional imbalances! Whee!

It is revealed that Pacey and Joey were not the ones in the mule costume but a couple if random nerds were. So...that was a waste of a plot point. I guess it was just to stall them getting to their destination sooner in the episode so that the "mystery" of where Pacey was taking Joey could be held until the end of the episode.

Want to know where Pacey wanted to take Joey? To a boat yard. Pacey purchased a boat that is completely run down but he is determined that he can get it fixed up so that he can sail the world. Joey points out to him that the boat is too small to be able to do that but Pacey is not discouraged. Then this:

I just love them so much!

He then reveals what was in the package, it's a plaque that says "True Love" on it. Pacey says that's what he's calling the boat and asks if it's too schmaltzy. Joey says it is but that it's also sweet. Bitches love True Love.

Fact

They start fixing up the boat together because they are an awesome team who help each other out like that.

Unfortunately, the episode doesn't end there. We have to endure another Dawson scene. It's a scene that I might have been OK with, had Dawson apologized to his father but no. No. This is Dawsonland and he is always right in Dawsonland so, naturally, Mitch is the one apologizing. Dawson whines that he was just thinking for himself, like what Mitch taught him to do. Mitch responds by telling Dawson not to let anyone stand in the way of his dreams, not even him. I'm here thinking that Dawson is the most selfish person on the face of the Earth and I can't believe no one is calling him out on it. Also, he's a big fat cheater and so is Mitch for going along with Dawson's stupid idea. They suck. Now I'm in a bad mood and I want to punch them for not ending on the adorable Pacey/Joey scene. You know what?

Motherfucking re-write, bitches! This is how the episode now ends.
Enjoy

So, that was Home Movies. A little bit of a forgettable episode to me. I really don't like the Henry/Jen stuff so that didn't interest me and I sure as shit wasn't interested in Dawson and his whining about making a movie and I really don't care about football (and neither did this show until Varsity Blues became a thing), so basically the only thing I enjoyed was the snippets with Joey and Pacey. I shouldn't be surprised, I really only ever watched the show for Pacey.

Stay tuned for the next recap, Indian Summer, in which Eve returns to be (you guessed it) mysterious and sexy, Andie gets worse, and Joey seriously needs to report her boss for sexual harassment.